Feigned Innocence

It's been such a long time...

2011-12-07T06:28:00.001-06:00

And this new layout is so very confusing.

I'm sad, Bloggersphere.

I'm so very sad.

But this entire week? This month?

I've been so happy.

So very happy.

I wish I could explain it.

Get out these emotions, to unleash all these feelings.

Gods, I missed it!

To be able to talk to candidly to someone else, to someone who doesn't know me or wouldn't judge me!
It's a wonderous feeling!

But... I have a paper due in less than an hour. I don't feel like finishing it, but I must if I want to maintain that A...

That's another thing.

My motivation, my care, my love, it's all SO low.

I have to talk about it later.

I have the paper for now.

But, bloggersphere,

I'm so, so sad.

Oh god...

2011-09-30T05:14:00.008-05:00

I just happened to look through all my old comments, which brought me to my first comment ever:

"Hi there! this is lanzemurdok, the guy who made the silent hill remix. I came across your page through a feature on youtube where it shows you the places where the video has been posted. I noticed the song has been posted on your blog. That's awesome, i appreciate it."

Oh yeah. That guy. He made this badass "Theme of Laura (reprise)" remix from Silent Hill 2, and it's so wonderfully done that I HAD to have it on my page.

After reading his comment, I had this powerful surge of nostalgia. I NEEDED to hear it. I rushed over to Youtube, typed in his name, and found the remix*. I loved it. Just hearing it brought back so many memories.

Then I determined to look for more of my old music. I don't know if I even mentioned it, but Myflashfetish (the place where I was getting those cute music players in the beginning) got bought out by Mixpod, and I instantly hated them (mainly because they discontinued all the cute music players!!) Well, I typed it into Google, and Myflashfetish showed up! I clicked it, and I made it to the home page! I was freaking out with happiness!

...Until it redirected to Mixpod. Sigh.

Either way, I logged in and looked at all my music...

Whoa.

When I say, "emotional roller coaster ride" I mean it. SO MANY MEMORIES have been associated with these songs I would listen to, obsessively. They've been inbedded in my mind...

So many emotions...

So many things I would rather forget...

...

I miss it.

I don't know why, but I miss it. So much. Maybe I'm just over-nostalgic, but I really do miss those days. Yes, I was miserable. Yes, I was insecure. Yes, I was naive..!! But I loved every moment! The more I learn about life and existence, the more I yearn to return to a blissful ignorance and forget about all the corruption that I feel like I've sustained. I've become such a terrible, heartless person. I just want to go back to when I felt an endless optimism for everyone and I trusted openly and never feared...

I feel like I'm becoming something that I can't change, and that I'll slowly digress through time... What can I so? Oh God, what can I do? I don't want to lose that last bit of control over my life, but I feel I already have...

Edit: I wrote this for myself. Hopefully, I can look to it for motivation. If I fall, I'll fall with grace!

"I need to increase my own happiness. Stop worrying about other people. Don't fall into a slump, you know how hard it is to get out of those things. Just take this day a step at a time and if you stumble, no biggie--you're strong enough to catch yourself before you fall.

Just remember: You're destined for greatness."

*Whoa, posted in when!? May 2008? I feel so... old...

Hello there, Blogsphere!

2011-09-30T04:37:00.000-05:00

Long time no see, huh?

Yeah, I've been busy. I actually have been busy. There are days when I don't even TOUCH my laptop, let alone having time to get on the internet. But regardless, I'm back.

For a while, I thought about deleting this thing. Thought about my blogging days being over. But I'm not sure if I can do that. It's not like I have loyal fans that I don't want to disappoint or anything (lord knows I'm not popular), but I feel like I need it, still. On nights like these, when I just really want to talk to someone, but there's no one there for me (more on that later), I can turn to you guys and just spill my guts without being judged (too harshly). It's great, and I miss that. So, I might not be as frequent as I was when I first started this (Gods, I was posting everyday, all day when I first started), I will still try my best to entertain and self-medicate.

NOW! On with the show~!

I MUST tell you about my university.

But first... To say I've been busy would be an understatement... But, busy or not, I LOVE my new university, and I can't wait to tell you all about the crazy things that have been going on. Oh, goodness, it's amazing...

It's a very small campus, but it's in the country, pretty far away from any type of city life (hell, to get to a Walmart or anything you have to drive thirty minutes to another city! the only thing they have here is a Subway, a McDonalds, and a CVS!). At first, I thought, 'Man, this is gonna suck SO much... I mean, I've lived in the city all my life... I can't handle being so far from civilization!'

Well, that's what I thought. But so far, I love it! You can WALK here! Ride your bike without fear od getting hit by reckless city drivers. Everything's close, so I don't feel disadvataged by not having a car (except when, you know, I have to go and buy groceries), and it's all just... Just...

Perfect.

But that's just the scenery. Let me tell you about campus life.

Like I said before, the campus is hella small. It takes maybe 25 minutes to walk from one side of the campus to the other. So it only takes about 10 minutes for me to walk to each class from my dorm. The first week, I was NEVER late. On the contrary, I always showed up 5-10 minutes early! But the more time I realized I had, the less often I would try to rush/run/teleport to try to get to class on time and I've been getting there late ever since...

I'm in the newest dorm on campus, built only about a year ago. Very nice. But rather exspensive. I spent all the extra money was getting back from financial aide on being able to stay in this dorm. But oh well. I have my own living space.

Speaking of, I have three roommates. Two seniors and a sophomore. The Seniors are almost never there, and when they are there, they bring their asshole friends (more on that later). The sophomore just stays in her room and watches TV ALL DAY. It's like she doesn't do anything else. She just sits, turns on the TV, turns on her computer, then she sits there until she has a class.

It pisses me off for some reason. It's like, you're in University, sweetie. Try to socialize. Ugh. So fucking boring.

I don't think they like me very much. Likewise, I don't care for them. But I'm also sure they talk about me behind my back. It's very frustrating. It's like being in middle school and feeling scared and insecure all over again.

Did I mention that they stuck me in a room with all black girls just because I'm black, disregarding if we had similar interests or if we would get along at all? Yeah, I love racial profiling too.

But that's enough of the negative stuff. Now I'm on to clubs and classes--

*notices the time*

HOLY SHIT, IT'S 4:30!! I HAVE A PAPER I SHOULD HAVE STARTED THAT'S DUE IN 3 HOURS AND 30 MINUTES!!

Later Days! (I promise!)

I just spent 30 minutes reducing my followed blogs

2011-08-16T03:03:00.002-05:00

...from 58.

To 20.

"Why?", you might ask.

Well, most of these blogs don't even get undated anymore.
I feel like I'm getting that way myself...

Anyway, I just needed to clear up my dash so that I saw what I felt was the most important blogs that I read.

Oh, yes.

I still read you all. Even if I don't post too often.

Sorry...

I like pictures

2011-08-15T09:32:00.002-05:00

Remember when I was talking about "kiddies who don't know shit about blogging"?

Well, those kiddies had a tumblr to post their bullshit rantings.

So I made one, to compete.

...

I'm sorry. Ever since I made it, I've been there endlessly. SO many pictures... so much knowledge...

I will totally make a Blogspot wedget for it so you can see that I'm indeed alive.

I'm just looking up pictures of comic books and lesbians on tumblr.

...Dammit.
I told myself I wouldn't get sucked in...

In other news, I'm actually started counting calories and such somewhat successfully, now that I realise that I don't have to eat everything in sight!

I've been looking up weight loss blogs on tumblr and shit.

And I like pictures.
A lot.

So I like tumblr for the same reason that I like 4chan. I just react more favorably to pictures and such.

No hard feelings?

A Survey!

2011-08-02T19:36:00.005-05:00

I've been indirectly tagged in this survey by the lovely Lizzi (of Bookish.Spazz). Here I go!

1) Please state your name for the record?

For this record, it's Shu.

2) If you were a penguin, on the other hand, what do you think your name would be? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Fuufuu. Becuase it's the sound I would make when people poked my penguin-ie belly.

3) Would you consider your ears to be smaller than average, average, larger than average, or freakishly large?

My ears, however lovely they are, are a tad bit small... I used to get picked on for it a lot (and still do). I can't wear normal earbuds because of it. I have to get either really squishy ones or tiny ones...

4) Are you more of a Beatles or an Elvis fan? (If you answer the latter, please proceed to go set yourself on fire and then die in a hole.)

Beatles, of course. Their songs had more meaning to me, anyhow.

5) Have you ever killed anyone? If so, did you do it with your bare hands?

Oh, yes, I have. Check my kill count on WoW. I've killed thousands. Got my full Merciless Gladiator set. Haven't tried it unarmed, though... W-Wait, do fist weapons count?

6) If you could use any fruit to describe the size and shape of your head, what fruit would you use?

A giant peach.

7) Is there any famous person you'd go gay for? Please state their name. This question is, of course, purely for academic purposes.

Since I'm already gay, the famous person I'd go straight for would probably be.... Hmm... I never gave this much thought... Johnny Depp?

8) If you had the choice, would you rather go to space, meet Paul McCartney, scuba dive in the Pacific Ocean, or sleep with Carmen Electra?

CARMEN ELECTRA, FUCK YEAH!

9) How long have you had your blog? What made you start one?

I've had my blog since around the end of my Sophmore year. I was all emotional and, although I had made it around my freshman year, I finally started using it the second semester of my Sophomore year when things started getting hectic for me. It's my release from stress (normally), and I love the people that I've met through it!

10) What is your weirdest phobia?

I'd say my fear of bones. Like, pertruding bones. I can't look at collars bones, ick.

11) Do you believe in God?

I believe in a higher being. But the diety that Christianity portrays? Eeh...

12) If you could start a collab. blog with any four bloggers, which ones would you do it with?

Thaaaaat's a toughie... I pass.

13) If you were trapped on a desert island with the same four bloggers you mentioned in the last question, which one would you eat first? With which one would you procreate?

PASS. PASSPASSPASS.

14) What's your favourite 80's movie?

I-I... I don't watch many movies...

15) What kind of music do you listen to

Every kind, bro. Every kind.

16) Imagine that you open your bedroom closet one day and suddenly a portal opens up. You can't see what is at the end of the portal, but there is a totoro inside it motioning you to follow him. Would you go inside, even if it might mean you'll never come back?

YES. YES I WOULD! But I would write a long letter about it and send it to all my friends and family before hand.

17) If you're a woman, do you find facial hair on men attractive? If you're a man, do you find facial hair on woman attractive?

I think, on men, facial hair is adorable, as long as it's not to "caveman" status. On women? Lol no.

18) Do you like babies?

No. Slobbering monsters...

19) What's the most violent thing you've ever done to an inanimate object?

I once broke a skateboard in half... (by accident)

20) What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

Just... Just read this blog... All of it...

21) Do you think the world will end in 2012?

Naaaaah.

22) Have you enjoyed this survey? Be honest, now.

It was an interesting break from my day. So, yeah, I suppose.

23) Are you following The Nerd Archives? If not, DO YOURSELF THE FAVOUR OF DOING SO NOW.

WILL DO!

The Summer Bridge Program!

2011-08-02T17:03:00.004-05:00

It was pretty cool.

Here I was! All alone, all a free! Nothing but my dorm and dormmates to depend on! I had homeowrk to complete, assignments to turn in...!!

But I didn't falter!! Oh, no.

I got it all in and, in the end, I was victorious!!

...

I find that it's becoming harder and harder to write those long, detailed blogs that I used to. Or, rather, that the longer ago an event transpired, the more difficult it is to recall the emotions associated with the events. So I just kind of ramble until I get to the end...

I hate that. But I'll start doing it now unless I speed things up.

SO! This program consisted of a bunch of students taking classes and such so we can have credit hours for our freshman year. It was pretty ballin'. We lived on campus, we ate whenever, provided our own transportation, and made our own relationships. ~~I drank for the first time~~ Shit went down, but it was great overall. I really enjoyed the freedom.

On the day-before-the last day, almost everyone had already finished their projects...

Except for you-know-who*.

You see, we had to write papers on our experience in the bridge program. I had finished mine the night before at 1:23 (it was due at 12:00 am on the dot!), but she [our sponser] accepted it anyway.

I learned, later the next day, that my essay was a finalist in the contest (out of two other finalists, from a pool of 20 essays), and I had to present my essay in the ceremony tomorrow (the last day) in front of my parents, other's parents, and all the falculty and guests...

You'd think I was worried...

But I wasn't! I didn't have this blog my freshman year of high school, but in that year, I too Theatre as an elective. To say it brought me out of my shell would be an understatement! It was my "blog" before my blog. The way I talk on my blog? Not how I am in real life. In real life, I'm rather frightened and afraid of everyone. Very shy. But it taught me how to be more like the me I put on paper and, as a result, I realized that I wa quite a good public speaker when I looked passed everyone (very easy, since everyone's a foggy blur without my contacts!).

So, back to the point. The day I presented my paper (which I will copy and paste here for critic), everyone had eyes on me. Everyone. I went from wilting wallflower, to "omfg where'd all that confidence come from?!". It was a glorious moment for me. I made my dad cry*** and my mom's eyes were lit up like fireworks.

But, before I finish this, back to the other matters at hand.

Meanwhile, I was hard pressed to finish not only a research paper that was due the exact same day along with my poster, that was due that night.

So, as you can guess, I was mighty busy**. So, ten minutes before the due date, I (along with this really awesome girl I developed a bit of a crush on) messily glued everything together and ran it down to where they were presenting everything.

We barely made it, and my poster was in. (I'll see if I can get a picture up, but I think I deleted all the ones on my phone for room).

That morning, we all gathered 'round to hear my speech (which was AWESOME) and hear the winners of each contest...

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

And the winner is...

ME!

Yes, me! I got first place in the written eassy competition, I got 2nd place in the poster competition (out of 20 participants) and I OBLITHERATED the competition when I read my essay aloud (the oral competition) and got1st place.

Hold your applause. I know I'm awesome.

Aaaaand that was my time there. After all was said and done, we ate a nice lunch, packed up all my stuff, and settled in at home.

I missed Playon Con, but it was kind of worth it. The look on everyone's faces when I won most of the awards was priceless.

Wilting Wallflower is no longer wilting! (still having panic attacks and spending hours in her room in the dark, though...)

Got another post where I ask for help, but, for now, Later Days.

My Essay (this is the rough draft, because I guess I deleted the final copy--I hated it. I don't know HOW it won. It was terrible. Read it yourself):

Reality Check

Alexander Graham Bell has been credited with saying, “Before anything else, preparation is the key to success”.

I never got this memo.

I have always been the kind of girl that shunned preparation. I mean, who needs to do now what they can put off until tomorrow, right? That was my motto and had been all through high school. “A paper due tomorrow? I’ll finish it in the morning.” “A test in a week?” Meh, I’ll study the night before.” “So we have to have all the problems done by three o’ clock? Well, I’ll just start by two and I’ll probably get it in”. That’s what I would do. No prior working, no proof-reading, no preparation. I just did it when I had to, at the last minute.

At that time, it served me well. I could hang out with friends, socialize, lay around the house, and still get my work in on time. Of course, I never got excellent grades on them, but I didn’t mind. I knew turning in sub-par work would give me a sub-par grade, but I never minded the sacrifice. I was only going to be a kid once, and why waste it on doing schoolwork all my life; especially when I could just spend the minimum amount of time on it and still get by.

I came up to the AUM Summer Bridge Program with that exact same attitude. I knew we were going to be living in the dorms, but I assumed it wouldn’t be a problem, despite the fact that I had never been away from home for more than a few days before. I assumed my classes would be cake, since I was a decent writer and Pre-Cal—a class I had never taken—didn’t look too hard in theory. I assumed, and assumed, and assumed some more, all to convince myself that I had nothing to worry about. As far as I was concerned, I was already through the program. The fact that there were so many NEW things I had yet to experience, that I was away from home for the first time, and that I had this college-level courses? They didn’t scare me. I just assumed that I would get through them with my same routine and come through at the end of the program just as well.

Guess how well that turned out.

To say that I walked through those first days of class with a bit of culture shock would be an understatement. You can say that this was reality check number one: Realizing that just because it seemed like it would be easy in my head did not make it easy in reality. There were so many things that I had yet to experience….

Classes, for one thing. On the first day of Pre-Calculus, even though I had never taken the class before, I was sure I would be fine. It didn’t look too hard and since I had always been a pretty decent student when it came to mathematics, I was sure I’d come through on top. Entering the class, we were introduced to Dr. Underwood; a man whose excitement for math was only exceeded by the obscurity of his “punny” math jokes. When I heard our first test was on Thursday—just three days after the first day of class—I wasn’t worried. When the night before the test rolled around, I didn’t even study. I went in and took the test. I was confident that I made a good grade.

Next, we had English, a class that I wasn’t too keen on either. Our teacher, a very bubbly woman by the name of Dr. Woodworth, introduced us to new writing techniques and ways of gathering information, all in preparation for a writing assignment about… ourselves! A full research paper, all about us. How could I go wrong with that? I quickly made sure to finish it… thirty minutes before the actual due date. But I had always made great grades in high school with the same amount of effort, so I doubted that college would be any different. I at back and relaxed that weekend, sure that my Math and English grades would be fine the next week.

That Math grade that I was so sure about ended up being a C. The frustration I had at that very moment was unimaginable. How could I possibly score that low? I wrote the notes down, and I reviewed them during class… Before I could think about it more, I brushed it off. I obviously just wasn’t cut out for Math, I thought. I knew that English was up next and that the A I was going to receive on that paper would cheer me up.

It was at that moment—the moment that I got that paper back with a C on it—that I knew I had to change. I would not be a successful college student with study habits like that, and if I kept doing things last minute, there was a chance that I was not going to be a college student at all. We had another test in Pre-Calculus the next week, and a two-day chance to improve our papers. I knew I had to work harder.

In Pre-Calculus class, I made sure to write down every note, all the homework, and get assistance from residents who were more knowledgeable than I was after class, days before the test. I took the next test that week and when I received my paper back, I annotated my entire paper, sure to pinpoint every part that I needed to improve. I took it to my peers to get assistance on grammar and phrasing, and the next day, I turned it into Dr. Woodworth.

That next week, I entered Math class with little hope. I knew I studied this time around, but would it be enough? When I received my Math test back, I was satisfied to see that I had actually made a B this time around. The studying paid off, I realized, and my enthusiasm was rekindled. I went down to English with a smile on my face. If it was a B, then it was a B that I worked on with all of my spirit.

My grade on that paper ended up being an A. I was ecstatic. I could now see the fruit of my labors. A little preparation went a long way. I now I had grades that I could be proud of.

This was a large improvement, yes, but it was not the only problem I had encountered during the program. You could call this reality check number two: I didn’t know anything about all the things I was so sure of before I actually started.

Living on my own—It sounded so much better in theory. However, in actuality, it was rather frightening. I didn’t have my parents around to talk to, or to be there when I got back from class. Not only that, but I had to try to wrap my head around the fact that, for the first time, I had roommates: people who were living in the same living space as me that I had not known prior to being in the room. They could be anyone, and I did not have one bit of control over it. I had to buy my own food, control how much I was eating my own food, then buy my own food again. I had to wake myself up in the morning—my parents were my personal alarm clock before—and even then, I had to make sure that I went to bed early enough that I wasn’t a zombie during the day for class.

I was given so much control over my own life and I was so unsure what to do with it. It was so over whelming and scary all at once and there were moments when I just wanted to sit in my room and try to avoid responsibility.

Though, the longer I stayed in the program and dealt with people, the better I felt. I met all the people that I was so unsure about before and I made some great friends. I knew when to use my money, when not to use my money and how to use my money in a way that wasn’t wasteful. In short: I got used to it. I could wake myself up for class, be on time, and use my resources responsibly. I was not worried about my roommates anymore. I was not stressing out and I was not afraid.

The AUM Summer Bridge Program helped me with so many things. If I had not come here, and if I had not set my habits straight before hand, I am sure I would not be able to handle school. I got my schoolwork together, I got used to living with others, and I finally realize that my old motto was not going to work for me anymore. Nowadays, I live by a new motto: Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.

...Corney as heck, right? Well, that's what they like. And I won. So hmph.

*Ah, Shu... never on time....
**It was my fault for starting on it so late, but still...
***This man is a football coach who fishes, hunts, and farm. He's the living embodement of manliness. I must be that awesome.

I'm Mad.

2011-08-02T16:39:00.002-05:00

And I mean really

Really

MAD.

Why, do you ask?

Well, it's for a dumb reason,

But a reason nonetheless!

And I'm sorry I haven't been here. I've mainly been posting in my other *~emo~* about shit nobody cares about and been busy with this bridge program I was in*. So I haven't had time to blog. But now I have renewed vigor...

Because I'm mad.

If you haven't noticed, I spend a lot of time on facebook, mainly out of boredom**. There is this group of girls there that are absoutely retarded when it comes to anything about anything. And yet they feel the need to make blog posts about their psuedo-philisophical buillshit as if they're actually mature enough to know the answers!

I'm not saying that I never have. But I've also never implied that I was the all-knowing chic super-modern hipster messiah.

So. It begins.

I'll start blogging again.

"But you said that befor--"

*slap*

SILENCE!! Those were different circumstances. I'm serious this time. If not out of anything, out of my need to be competitive.

So.

Let the games begin.

*Will talk about that later.
**Don't you give me that. It's easier to be on FB on your phone than on Blogger, okay?!

Expertise

2011-07-06T12:01:00.002-05:00

Stayed up all night.

Stayed in streams watching shit all night.

No sleep.

Can't think straight.

Already made a 78 on a pre-cal test.

Haven't even started on paper.

Feel way too shitty to.

It's due tonight at 10 pm.

Fuck.

Going to fail.

Expertise

2011-07-06T12:01:00.000-05:00

Stayed up all night.

Stayed in streams watching shit all night.

No sleep.

Can't think straight.

Already made a 78 on a pre-cal test.

Fuck.

Going to fail.

4th of July

2011-07-05T01:25:00.002-05:00

Aunt's birthday.

Cookout.

Party.

Awesome.

No sleep.

Tired.

Headache.

Night.

Today was a good day!

2011-07-04T04:44:00.003-05:00

Today, in celebration of the 4th of July weekend, the family and I went to the beach!

Yesterday, we went horse riding (betcha didn't know I could do that, huh?) and we had a fish cook out!

And today, after a torturously long church session, we gathered up ourselves and went out to the beach! And it was wonderful!

I'm posting this at 4:50 and I'm ready to go to sleep, so I'll just throw some details out there.

Cool people!
Hot girls!
No over bearing mother!
Food!
Actually, three x-large pizzas that were heavenly!
OCEAN! OCEAN EVERYWHERE!
I now know how to float!

Congratulations! You've gained the achivement [What doesn't sink you. . .]

I wore a bathing suit!
I had fun!
These retard children wanted to stay up all night, so I was forced to stay up because they're stupid!
I had fun!

Oh, and Bunny* texted me today. . . I answered. . .

I know! I know, I should have kept ignoring her, but I just can't do that. My will power just goes away when I see anything from her! I really should just stop. . . But I can't. . .

Look, if you really care, I have another blog of things that I don't like to type into this one (it's a little out of place and out of character). I haven't hidden it (yet), so check it out if you want. I might actually write more about it there.

But I doubt it.

I'll try and type out more of the actual weekend and trip later, but for now, I need to pass out.

Later Days!

*Formally known as "J". I'm changing it to Bunny because, well, that's what she's known by and it's way more fitting.

My expertise, an ongoing series

2011-06-30T12:13:00.004-05:00

So, I'm back in the computer lab for another day of English, and we're doing this darling project on what our epertise might be.

We are to use our knowledge, experience, outside sources, and many others to write a 5 page paper on our findings. it is to be in MLA format, 11 pt. font, and in Time New Roman print.

Now, it's not the length. It's not the specifics of format. It's not even really the subject of "expertise" that has me boggled here. It's me. How the hell am I supposed to write a paper puffing myself up when I'm so used to tearing myself down?

I mean, I'm not good at many things, you all know that. With everything I try, I enevitably become the weakest link of the bunch. Or I never go far with it. Or it never lasts longer than a few months at most.

And this is a narrative essay. How the hell am I supposed to do that?! I've been in AP class, doing formal writing that tries it's darnedest to be as impersonal as possible, and I didn't mind it at all. How the hell do I even write a narrative essay? I haven't written one of those since, well, I'm thinking maybe 5th grade? Yeah, 5th grade*.

Okay, we just got done with a lecture (and lunch. Yum.) and, I'm quite convienced, that this will not be easy. No sireee bob. But now I'm going to use my blog as an assignment folder and writing it all here.

...Next time. Class is over. Derp.

Later Days.

*6th grade was research papers. Oh, what a joy WJC was.

What I might possibly have a chance of being good at.

2011-06-28T12:08:00.000-05:00

WARNING: FULL OF DISGUSTING ERRORS. THIS IS ONLY A VERY, VERY ROUGH DRAFT!!

By me.

You see, this is an assignment. There's a special place in my heart dedicated for these kinds of assignments, burning with hatred and disdane. Assignments where I'm forced to write about myself, or tell my best qualities or what I'm good at... They're the worst.

I mean, I understand that the focus is to bring out the best in your student, to learn more about them and to incorperate the things that they know into the assignment, thus making it easier for them to fall into writing.

But that's not how it works for me.

It simply becomes harder. Writing about myself in assignments, especially ones where I have to tell my best traits and the like, absolutely terrify me. Maybe people with great self esteem CAN write abou themselves, and they feel good enough about themselves that they know for sure what they're good at. Maybe they've always had their "soul searching" and know exactly what they're aiming for, and thus have prepared themselves for said profession. But, me? I'm not.

I don't know these things; what I'm good at, what my best traits are, what I might possibly have a chance of being good at. They're all mysteries to me. I feel like I'm waiting for my world changing moment that puts me on the arroew straight path to success and I end up showing my true colors and shining above the rest and everyone finally seeing how amazing I am. Buuut, that's not going to happen, is it?

The reason I' mwriting a blog on this is because I've always learned things about myself by writing it all out. When I have am issue or an emotion that was simply crowded by events in my mind, writing out the string of emotions as they come, it always helps me. Even now, I'm doing that, unrelenting, and that's why my grammer's so bad. I'm just typing what comes to mind, rarely stopping to fix my mistakes just incase I have a mental breakthrough and I finally figure this out.

Because, come on! I'm pretty much in uni by now, and I still don't know this stuff. I thought it would all be figured out by now, but it's not. It's so fruststraing.

But class it over. I normally go back and fix my mistakes, but I don't have time.

Later Days.

WHAT AM I GOOD AT?

2011-06-28T11:37:00.002-05:00

I'm waiting, bloggers. You know better than anyone. You've read my life, my pain, my loves, my sorrows, my experiences, my backlashes, and even things I haven't been able to admit to myself. So I reckon that if anyone would know something about me, you guys would. So.

What am I good at, guys?

Community College?

2011-06-28T11:36:00.000-05:00

Psyche! I'm in a summer program, and I don't have internet. Whhhhhhat? So, yeah, I haven't been able to post anything...

BUT!! I'll go to the help desk and then I'll get that fixed. But here's the big question...

Actually, I'll write this up later and the question will be in the next post.

Summer 2011!

2011-06-18T16:27:00.006-05:00

I've been on a LONG hiatus because of the simple fact that I can't "emotionally" blog anymore.

I just can't.

If there's something bothering me, I can't type it all out. I'm not sure why. It's just a problem for me now. I'm hoping I can get over this soon. But at this point in time, blogging while emotional things are going on in my life is next to impossible.

So. You can guess that from Feburary to early June, I've been trapped in an emotional web. J, as you can guess, thaaaat was a VERY EMOTIONAL time for me. Extremely so. At this point in time, we're sort of okay, but I'm just kind of ignoring her. Well, for me, ignoring her is simply not texting her on a daily basis. I mean, if she wants to talk, I'd kindly oblige. It's been a week so far, so I'm guessing that perhaps she simply doesn't want to talk with me...

And that's alright. It's actually very nice, not being stressed over what she may think for once. I'm just kind of over it, really. Over the drama and all the unnecessary things. Maybe I've finally grown up after all this time. Maybe graduating did make me a little more of an adult...

Oh, yes, if no one knew...

I'M A 2011 GRADUATE! YAAAAAAAAY~~~~~~~~~ I feel more responsible already! I'm headed to the University of Montevallo on an (almost) full paid scholarship. Am I happy? Eh, I could have done better. But I'm fine with the school I'm in now and I'm not too much of a finacial stress on my family, so I guess that's all I can ask for.

So, this won't be a large update. But I just wanted to let everyone (who cared) know that I'm not dead and that I've just been busy with school, life, responsibilities, and people. Oh, and speaking of people...

My friend, Turtle, that lovely girl from color guard, the only girl I've managed to keep a long lasting friendship with through color guard (though they were all my friends, there weren't really any I could get along with after everything was said and done) has turned out to be a real bro. I mean, all the random things we've been through this year and I regret not a one. But it's not just her. There are so many people that I've decided to drop and decided to pick up (friend-wise) and I have to say that although I have my lonely times... I've never been quite as happy with my friends as I am now.

I was just spending too much time trying to fight the current of change by keeping people around who had long outlived their usefulness to my life and in doing this just brought ME down. But now, out of either extreme exhaustion with the whole ordeal or maybe just being fed up with everything that I had to deal with in cobination with life, I'm ignoring the "haters", dropping the toxic friendships, and learning to be less dependant on what others think. I'm just good like that.

Pic related. My opinion on all this "social" bullshit.

I mean, I'll be, in little bit over a month, a freshman in college. I'm DONE trying to impress you little copy cater ass hoes out there (gonna admit, stole that from Coochieness).

But yes, for the first time in a while, I am content! So happy days!

A Few Days, Eventful...

2011-02-14T18:58:00.002-06:00

Before I go on about my weekend, I want everyone to know something...

I'M HUNGRY!

Like, seriously, SERIOUSLY hungry. My mom went out to get something, but I'm still about to die... My stomach hurts soooo bad...

Eh, nevermind. I'm making spaghetti. Delicious, delicious spaghetti...

Anyway, hello, folks! I haven't really felt like blogging at all, so instead of one day accounts, you get an account of my entire weekend all at once! 'cept today. Today'll be seperate!

So, Friday, I did nothing. Well, I did something, but it slips my mind.

However, Saturday I knew what I wanted to do. I hadn't been able to socialize with my friends in forever, so I planned an outting at the Summit*!

Okay, I'M REALLY tired, so this is going to be the bare skeleton of my weekend:

Saturday, went and met with Shannon, Italy, her boyfriend, and some White Guy to hang out. I brought Metro, and we all ran around for a while. Italy stole something for her boyfriend for Valentine's Day (lol), and he tried to do the same. But since he's not Italian and doesn't have that innate Mafia sense that she does, he was not successful. This led to a really movie-esque scene between the two that I was not interested in at the time for being hungry. My sister (who was there as well) and I ran all around the Summit to find a place to eat that WASN'T a 2 hour wait, but weren't successful. While we were running, Shannon, White Guy, Italy, and her BF had to leave (they're 14; it was their bed times and such). Then we met up with J who went to the movies with us.

Okay, so the ENTIRE movie (we saw Gnomeo and Juliet. Shit was SO clutch**.) she was, like, rubbing on Metro the ENTIRE time. ENTIRE. Forgive me and call me sensitive, but I was a little annoyed at her. So I decided to go off and do my own thing with my sister (because she honestly hated being there, she felt so awkward, but would rather not stay at home on a Saturday). But yeah, I went off, started to feel guilty, and decided to go back (since she stayed with Metro). The entire time I was back, she completely ignored me. Then she said she had to go, and stood outside for, and I shit you not, 25 MINUTES just talking to Metro. I was more than annoyed. I wanted to hit a ho.

But I didn't. I swallowed my pride and just waited until she was gone instead of confronting her in person about it. I, like a boss, waited until she left and confronted her about it in text. That ended an arguement and me being pissy.

So, Sunday morning, me, the lovable lug I am, felt guilty and apologized. She said it was no big deal and to forget about it. So I did. Because I'm the most awesome, FORGIVING, AMAZING PERSON EVER!!!***

The rest of the day, however, was spent doing nothing with a side of sleep. I didn't get any of the Valentine's projects I wanted done, and I didn't even LOOK at my homework or study for tests. I just slept. And when I woke up, I played video games. Dragon Age to be exact.

My sister, however, made up for her shitty day by going out with all her new friends (read: 5). They went shopping and eating and dancing and saw "Never Say Never: The Beiber Story" or whatever it's called movie and she is now in love with the guy.

I've never hated him, but if this movie can brain wash people, I want in!! Maybe I can make such a movie...****

That night, though, Samurai called me. He wanted to know about my mom, since she said she wanted to talk to his mom about her mother dieing or something.

Somehow, that conversation turned into an analyzation about his depression and how he doesn't have any friends anymore and how he misses me and all types of things. It was a 4 and a half hour long conversation. Most of it was him talking or crying about some sort of wrong I'd done or the world had done and, to be honest...

I felt pretty bad[*x5]. Noooot gooonna lie...

Long story short, I tried to cheer him up and junk. I didn't say we were suddenly friends, but I consouled him like one. That just makes me the better person. Not a pushover...

But, yeah, so that's that's. I'm curious as to how it will turn out. Maybe/hopefully nothing. Who knows?

Oh, and J asked me if I wanted to be in a polygamous relationship with them. ROFLMMFAOFANT!!![*x6] She might have been playing, but still...

Alright, I'm exhausted. I'll write about Valentine's Day tomorrow.

Later Days!

*It's a strip mall and a movie theatre near me. Real popular place. It's pretty great! Too bad I couldn't get a reservation because everyone and their mom was there for Valentine's....
**Clutch is the new cash. Spread the word.
***Read: pushover.
****All in favor of a movie that can turn girls gay, say "Ay!" [:D]
*****Ha, thought I was gonna say, "AND I DON'T GIVE NO FUCK!" didn't ya?
******Rolling on the floor lauging my mo'fo' ass off for all of neverending time!

A day of hilarity!

2011-02-08T19:45:00.003-06:00

SO much of it!

First of all, in my first block, Strength Building, after running around for 30 minutes, we were allowed a water break. My friends and I were walking down to my dad's offce* to rest and drink.

Now, when I run, or do anything with physical activity of the sort, I don't wear shoes. I think they're just uncomfortable and the ones I own have the shittest grip ever so they're completely useless. My feet are my best friends. And I keep my toe nails the same length as my finger nails**, haha.

So we were chillin' and one of my friends said something that I for the life of me cannot remember! But apparently it shocked/angered me so much that I scratched him with my razor sharp talons, like a mother bird protecting it's prey!

He, in repsonse, jumped like 10 feet out of his seat, while in the midst of drinking water and splashed water ALL OVER my backpack which was right at his feet. Wet papers everywhere...

Ten minutes later aftr I stopped being angry and realized that it was simply karmatic retribution, I ran back in the gym for more toture. Fuuuun.

Then in color guard, since JV was off today, we were all in our instructor's classroom and we found out she had itunes on her laptop.

Oh the fun that insued.

Somehow, that led to my sister and another girl rapping and "cracking" on each other during the entire block! Funniest shit I've ever heard!

Sorry that this post isn't too descriptive, but I'm hella tired and just want to go to bed, haha.

Later Days. I'll maybe write more later.

*since my dad works at the school, I get to chill out in his coaching office!
**I keep my toe nails long for the practicality of it, really, but I should seriously get around to practicing better hygine about that [O.o]

I couldn't do it!

2011-02-07T20:51:00.005-06:00

I couldn't tell her. I wrote out a note* and everything, but I couldn't tell her! I just... Sigh, I saw her, and she was all giddy and smiled--her eyes were so bright and wide!--and she kissed me! She kissed me, and I melted. So terrible...

The rest of the time that I saw her was spent looking at her with guilt and her prodding as to why I kept apologizing when I apparently had done nothing wrong, sigh... OMFG I'M SUCH A PANSY ASS BITCH!!!

It was a Monday, which means skinny day and therefor almost no work in any of my classes. So I'm sitting around wishing I could get to work on things I've promised people but never got around to doing, but I'm very much lacking the essential ambition needed to fuel the things I want to get done. Also, the memory to remember to do them BEFORE the day it's promised... Ugh...

But since it's February and Valentines is close at hand, I've been trying to make gifts for everyone... Sigh... I need to do that now!

But my day? Nothing speicial. We're finishing up the work for our show in guard. I'm much better at it than before. It's all just the same old grind.

I talked to friends today. That was nice. I had a conversation with Shannon (who you may or may not know). She's absolutely the sweetest girl I've ever met. She always knows what to say to cheer someone up. She's always being kind and helping others. I'll miss her the most.

She talked to me a bit. She seems to look up to me. I'm not sure why, though. Have I done anything worth looking up to? It doesn't seem like it. It seems like I've done the opposite. But according to her, I'm much better than I give myself credit for... She's wonderful. I don't know if she's just fluffing it up or telling the truth, but either way she's the only person who seems to make me feel... Like I do something to affect someone in a positive way. She's just... I love her. She's just absolutely great.

Samurai won't leave me alone... Ever since I talked to him in that fit of nostalgia, he seems intent on trying to get me to have him in my life! I do not understand! He makes it seem like that without me, he has nothing! Which is not true... I don't understand him, but I'm very tired of it! If he thinks he can get his way by sounding pathetic, he's got another thing coming! I won't be mocked! I'll tell him how much I hate him and turn my phone off and that'll be it!! That will be the end of it!!

Later Days... I don't feel like typing up anything else...

*We don't see each other but once a school day for around 30 minutes, so we usually communicate through notes. It's a sentimental thing, haha.

I just got around to changing my blog around

2011-02-06T19:37:00.002-06:00

Can you believe it's been blue since I started this!? It's crazy! So I found something nifty that also went with my color scheme and threw it on there. Then I finally decided to make a new playlist*, found some songs I enjoyed at the moment, and tossed that shit on there too! I tried to take some useless gadgets off, but I can't seem to take some things off (the pages thing, the recent posts/comments thing... Ugh!). So it'll look weird until I get it to where I want...

But anyway! Back to the blogging!

So last night, after I posted last, I felt really nostalgic after reading through some of my old posts, particularly the ones with Samurai back when we were still buddies. Because, despite what an ass he is, he's not too bad when you're just hanging out. And I miss just hanging out. It's not I do it a lot anymore, so I guess I'm just hanging on to the memories that I saw as positive, no matter who they were about...

Well, in my half sleep-druken stupor, I got on WoW to kill things. You know. Take my mind off of it. Lo' and behold, Samurai is on. At, what, 2 in the morning? Okay, cool. So, still in my sleepy state of nostalgia, I forget what "resolve" and "common sense" are and talk to him.

This is where it gets a little hazy, because I can't really remember what happened. I know that we talked a good while, because I woke up around 10 with my laptop in sleep mode and my saliva dribbling off the side, so I'm almost certain I passed out last night**.

The thing is, if I fall a sleep in a way such as the one described, it's dreadfully hard to recall the events leading up to said "passing out". When I woke up, I thought the entire event was a dream. But according to Samurai, we did indeed talk. And he's a tad bit upset that I don't seem to remember what about.

But what was it!? Was I so sleepy that I spilled my guts and told him how much I missed him?! Did I grovel and stumble around my words like an idiot?!

I need to know what happened! But everytime I ask, he gives me a half assed summary... I rememer bits of things. It was like I was in a dream. You know how you wake up, remembering bits and pieces of the dream but then the longer you're awake you start to forget it all together? That's how it feels. I remember something about school and a few little things, but nothing of which I said.

I remember him talking about how he doesn't get out much. How he's broken or something and he drives away people he cares about. And I remember I was upset with him because he took something I said to heart. Don't remember what that was exactly...

But I do remember he said something about how he hates his birth month because it reminds him of the person he can't hang out with***... I remember that because I felt extremely bad when I heard it.

Anywhoo, I told J the same thing I've told you guys, and she seemed upset with me. She started that whole "text back with one word answers" bullshit and then she just didn't text me back at all! I'm actually very afraid to call her, because I'm not sure how she will respond...

I don't understand!! Is it jealousy?! Why would someone be jealous by the simple mention of another... And she was the one who wanted us to start talking in the first place. Thought I know it's because of him only, I'm not that naive. She just wants him to feel better, I see.

I really should tell her, Monday, that I can't do this... At first, I thought I was fine... But the feeling that I have when I'm with her... It's not what I'd like it to be. I don't know. It's hard to explain. I don't even want to talk about it. It just makes me depressed. But I hope you know what I mean?

I slept all day today. I woke up, ate breakfest, slept til lunch, ate, slept til dinner and got on here while I eat. It's pretty bad. But I am very tired.

I'll try and ask him in the politest way possible if I said anything stupid/embarrassing the night before... Then I'll try to call J later and see what's up her sandy vagina. But right now...

Sigh, I'm going to play Fallout 3 or Dragon Age: Origins... Update with more later.
Later Days, guys.

*I've been boycotting Mixpod ever since they bought out Myflashfetish, whom I LOVED. But I want music, so until I can find better, I guess I'm using them.
**I can't function on little sleep. My body starts reacting similarly to the way a person would feel while drunk, minus the pleasantries. Which might explain a little as to why I can't remember a damned thing.
***Spoiler alert! His birthday is in April. Guess my real name yet?

How did you know? It's what I've always wanted.

2011-02-06T00:05:00.004-06:00

...could never have too many of these...

Well, we had our competition today! If you don't want to read to the end of the list, JV (in Scholastic Regional A, previously B Class) got 4th place out of 5. Varsity (in Scholastic A) got 1st place out of 4.

Before we got on our way to the competition, however, we had to get to our school at 8.30 to practice and each guard practice for an hour. We were expecting to pack up around 10.30 and leave by 11. Being the awesome captain I am, I sent a mass text of everything everyone needed the night before, brought all of my things (and a bunch extra like shoes just in case), and made sure to go to bed as soon as I was done typing up my last post.

Buuuut, the one thing I forgot was my actual rifle. In my haste to get to the movies to see J, I sort of forgot it at school. So, you better believe I was stressin' the night when I realized it. But it's alright, I thought. I'll just get to school early and do it before practice starts tomorrow. Ha, implying we can ever get anywhere on time...

So I wake up on time, I get dressed as quickly as possible, and I'm ready to go, right? I tell my mom to hurry up in that, "MOM! HURRY UP, WE GOTTA GO! I GOTTA TAPE MY RIFLE AND I LEFT IT AT SCHOOL!!!! LEEEET'S GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" And she gets all defensive in the whole, "You don't talk to your momma like that! Who do you think you are?! Bullshit bullshit bullshit!!" And by then I was annoyed, so I was pretty much saying, "Stop acting like an idiot and wasting time and let's go!!" But, in her maturity and realizing that I had somewhere to be, decided she'd be, "Unless you apologize, I'm not going anywhere. You can get your dad to take you!" Perfect. Especially when my dad's in Atlanta.

Long STUPID story short, after her bitching and wasting 30 minutes sitting on her ass and watching TV, we finally leave.

We got to the school thirty minutes early, as I had to tape the bolt* of my rifle black. I ran out of the house in shorts thinking it was alright, I'd be inside in a few.

We get there and there's only one other girl there. And it's freezing. The door's locked, it's freezing, and I'm in shorts. And my rifle isn't taped.

I almost flipped my shit right then and there.

But it's alright! Luckily for us, there was a basketball game that morning and a coach was there to open the doors! And boy oh, boy! did I get my rifle taped in record time! After that, the day went pretty smoothly and we left on time, arrived on time, warmed up, were awesome, and then we go on to perform...

...

...

Everything was flawless... UP until my solo... Long story short, I grabbed the wrong flag. THE WRONG FLAG!! Luckily for me, I was dead set in the middle of the heart**, so it wasn't so bad...

After that, I ate food, got chased around by zombies all day, and had a great time! So today was pretty cool, even if I missed out on a study session that could've gotten me 10% average increase in AP Statistics, haha.

"But Shu!" you clamour with all of the might your lungs will allow! "What are you doing about J!?"

Simple. Nothing. Nothing at all. My feelings are far too jumbled up to be able to do anything at this point. I'll see how Monday goes and then I'll move on from there.

I've been looking over a lot of the old blog posts I have and goodness! Some of that stuff I wouldn't have remembered otherwise (and some things I STILL don't remember happening to me!) But my writing style isn't the only thing I miss...

When I read certian things (esp. the old times I would hang out with Samurai) I get so nostalgic and some sort of home sick. I miss it. Being able to hang out and just be silly and not have to worry about other people's hidden feelings and if someone likes me or not or if someone hates me or if I'm making someone jealous. Or, hell, being jealous myself. I miss that. Fuck, I miss that so much... Sigh...

Alrightie. I need to figure out how to deal with this J problem tomorrow. But right now... I need sleep. It's almost 2 here. Well, I do need to do my WoW dailies... Sigh!

Later Days!

Edit: My friend just texted me this. I wanted to share it with you all!

"Today, I sat down on the floor with a clear, cylindrical container and a single small metal ball. I placed the ball inside this container, and proceeded to shake it in a circular motion, causing the ball to spin rapidly. Ocassionally, it would spin too quickly, and fall out. Then I found another metal ball, slightly larger than the last. I put it in the container and spun both balls together. This continued for several minutes... The visual effect was stunning, and the sound was mesmerizing. I observed the phenomenon carefully. Sometimes one ball would be bumped out of the container, and it was always the smaller of the two that was bumped. Over and over the larger one would prevail. In the constant spinning turbulence, an order had be established. The chaos I had created now had a system over which I had no influence.

And in this, I came to a conclusion: I like cereal."

Haha, okay, okay... It's a date?

2011-02-04T22:38:00.006-06:00

I really DO have excuses for the passed three days!

The day after my last post, I literally passed out on my laptop at 6 o clock and didn't wake up until 12 to get up, detatch my laptop from my face and put it up, and collapse on to my bed and pass out again.

The day after that... Well.. I was tired! I have guard practice on Thursdays and I'd much rather spend my Thursdays lazying around and not lifting a finger!

And today, ooooh today...

But first, back to that schlog I didn't get to type up before!

...
...
...

Oops...

Okay! I think I may have misplaced it*... but no worries! I'll just continue from where I left off!

When we last left Shu, she was very upset and angry, more so at herself than anyone else.

J and I, after our falling out and eventual reconnecting, have been really close. Like really close. Close to the point of me pulling down those god forsaken emotional walls I built and actually letting myself like her (which I shouldn't, I know, but bite me if you haven't liked someone you weren't supposed to)! And it hasn't been long, but it's like relighting an old flame, ya know? It doesn't take long for the flame to regain it's previous vigor.

And so it began. Me, being the "adoring puppy" type of lover I am, just doing things for her, being sweet, etc, etc. She was a lot more affectionate than she was before. So me, in all my naivity, just assumed she had broken up with Samurai or something. Because lord knows peope don't cheat! A hurr hurr.

As it were, the night before we were talking on the phone. I forget what exactly about, but we somehow brought up something along the lines of how I rarely see her and how we should hang out someplace OTHER than school. Then after a while, she said, "Well, you have to remember... I kinda have to keep Samurai happy too..."

Oh, at that moment, how my innocent interpretation of the situation shattered! She doesn't care! She's just using me for the attention, I thought! How foolish could I be! I laughed off her comment, choking on my words as I tried to come up with a witty reply. Needless to say, that wasn't happeneing very well...

Then I complained about how tired I was and got off the phone. The rest of the night I switched between indescribable sadness and some sort of twisted jealousy. I was so mad! I wanted to think that she simply liked ME. I wanted to feel as thought she deceived me, rather than a common case of me wanting so much for something to be true, that I ignore the reality of the situation.

After my initial emotional state wore off, I was rather distant from her for a while. Well, at least until she confronted me about it (in a very indirect way, so I didn't have to look the fool for being so unknwoing), and I simply said that I wasn't sure if she cared about me legitimately. She explained that she did, in a way I can't quite articulate, but stated in a way that I took comfort in, and reassured me that I was not simply some part time thing. She just cared for me and didn't know how to show it.

Being who I am (if you've read my older entries), I know how it is to like more than one person. Awkward, but not impossible, so I took her word. And if she's dishonest? Shame on me for believing. But I'd rather not hold it against her. She seemed sincere. And where's the benefit of the doubt, eh?

But anway, enough about that. Fast forward to tonight. We discussed earlier about the whole "seeing you outside of school" thing, right? Weeeeell, we decided we could go to the movies today and see how that goes. Since we don't get out much, we chose something we thought wouldn't be too full: The King's Speech.

Oh, how magnificently wrong we were...

We walked into a movie theatre absolutely PACKED with white people over the age of 40. White people everywhere**. Me, being the odd thing I am, was a bit nervous. And since there were NO seats left, we had to take the ones at the front***.

So, of the part of the movie I actually saw, it was great. Well, I mean, that I actually saw. The rest was pretty much a rather interesting bit of making out... Aaaah...

And that was my night. I could go into detail, but I'd rather spare you that, haha.

...What?! I mean, I know it's bad, okay?! I just really like her! And she said she'd let Samurai know that we were at least on talking terms and all. I'm just selfish. But at least allow me this one time to be selfish, conscience!!!!

J wants me to start talking to Samurai again. I'm not sure if I want to deal with that bullshit. But I also don't want to make her unhappy. Sigh... I'm in a pickle. You guys, quick! Give me feed back!!!

We also have a color guard competition tomorrow (our second of the season!). JV has their entire show staged and we have most of the drill down (I have a solo! [:D]) All is going oh so well right now! Now all I have to do is get scholarships and I'll be set, haha.

Well, I have to sleep. We practice 7 to 10, then at 10 get on the bus to the competition.

Later Days!!

*The first schlog I've written in like a trillion years and I lose it. Great, right?
**No offense to white people, of course.
***You know. The VERY front. Where you can sneeze and hit your head on the screen.

Today I wrote a schlog!

2011-02-01T22:20:00.002-06:00

I mean, what else was I supposed to do in detetion?

"What? Detention?!", you shriek! But don't worry! It wan't over anything serious!

All of the questions you're bound to ask will be answered within the schlog itself...

Or would be, if I felt like actually posting it. Sorry, but I'm a tad bit sad/emotional*, and I can't possibly try and type anything out...

I'm just going to sleep...

Syad Retal .

*Over what, exactly? Well if you chose answer choice (C) J, then you were correct! Very sad right now over something that I knew from the beginning but refused to bring up for fear of bothering her. Well, she brought it up today and OUCH, does it hurt like hell... Sigh, but I'll attempt to talk about this later...

Anyway, back to me being honest...

2011-01-31T23:31:00.006-06:00

Main idea of this post? A lack of motivation/ambition...

So, yes, my life has been topsy turvy for a good while. I'll outline a few things:

Color guard? Great. For once, that's NOT part of my worries (even though we have a competition coming up Saturday. Wish us luck!)

I've YET to apply to any other Uni but UA*, and even there, I get NO scholarships... That goes for applying for finacial aide as well.

I'm also slightly slacking in my grades. Maintaining a 3.4/3.3, but I'm trying to jump that up to a 3.5. Had I not had senioritis last year, I wouldn't have that problem...

But that's just academically. The social aspect has been really... interesting.

Alright, so I had sworn not to talk to Samurai or J** ever since December 20th (some interesting event happened. I'd rather not dwell on it). I hadn't talked to either of them at all until last week, when J finally came up to me and told me that she missed me and wanted to be friends again. Now, if you understood the context from which this semi-mutual agreement of avoidance sprouted from, you'd understand why I said no...

Well, I said no at first. But she was quite the persistant one, so I decided to give it another chance. She was on a bit of probation in the beginning, meaning I would keep my distance as much as possible. But, goddammit, chicks with big boobs...! Gets me everytime...

Long story short, I warmed up to her fast (maybe a little too much?) and we're very close (and it's only been, like, what, three weeks?). She's much more, well, I don't know how to explain it... Attention giving as of now. She tries to see me with whatever time she can get (and even keeps me with her when I have places to be too) and I'm not sure if she's just clingy because of our seperation or if she really missed me. It makes me feel quite guilty sometimes... But I remind myself that it was for good reason, of course.

Along with that, I met a rather interesting fellow. From afar, he seems like the regular suburban african american male who enjoys basketball and objectifying women. But talking to him... Goodness...

He is... Interesting. Huge anime and manga lover, likes to cosplay, and has, get this, a femdom fetish. Now, since I try to keep this blog slightly PG-13, I'll leave it up to you to look up this if you don't know it already... But back to him. Long story short, we became buddies and after a while, he told me I should be his new mistress (his old one had to move and broke it off with him). There are multiple problems with this:
1) I don't really care for men all that much... and
2) I'm the most submissive female on the face of the earth.

So you can see how this is bound to just NOT WORK. Not to mention I don't want to mess up my standing with J right now. So altough Sub (which will be his name for now) and I are decent friends, I'm hoping he's not looking for too much from me...

Now for emotional~

I'm a wreck. When I couldn't talk to J, I was devoid of friends. All my senior buddies/friends/people who don't talk to me anymore are always off partying.

Suppressing my emotions all the time gives me wicked mood swings and I end up being really rude to people who really don't deserve it...

[*]AND THAT ASSHOLE SAMURAI TOTALLY SOLD THIS iLEVEL 359 EPIC ROGUE CHEST PIECE ON THE AH FOR LIKE 25K WHEN HE KNEW I NEEDED IT TO GEAR MY ROGUE!! UUUUUUUUHG!! I promptly told him to go die in a ditch. I'm considering leaving my guild just because he's there!!

...Oh? What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? Well, like I said, I got WoW for a while and quickly leveled my rogue to 85 in less than 3 days. I switched to Assassination for PvE and started doing 12k DPS with an ilevel of around 333, which I guess was pretty good. But it's very hard to de great DPS when my rogue is so gear dependant, and, since DPS has to fight for raid spots in the guild, I'm always trying to up my gear so in turn I can up my DPS and get better at raiding!

Well, back to me. I started playing again and almost immediately, my old guild friend XIV invited me to his guild. Turns out while I was gone, he and Samurai became FAST friends, and he was an Officer in said guild. I'd been ignoring him for a while, but due to his high rank, I would have to talk to him for certain things. For a moment, I grew to tolerate him. Joke with him in guild chat. Talk to him in whispers every so often. The resentment slowly because to melt away little by little...

UNTIL HE SOLD THAT DAMN CHEST PIECE!!

Listen, I've been a friend to him even when I told myself he was complete shit. I text him when I think he'll be late for a raid. I give him ANY BoE items that tend to drop if I know he can use them. And I make gems for that asshole to sell on the auction house.

BUT HE COULDN'T GIVE ME ONE GODDAMNED CHEST PIECE?!?!?!?!?!?!

YES I MAD! I VERY MAD!! GGGGGGGRRRRRRRR!!![*]

...Alright. I'm done.

Bottom line, I'm still a little rocky right now. There's more, but I'll update a litte more tomorrow. I'm tired...

Later Days.

*University of Alabama!
**This is his bisexual girlfriend who seems to have some kind of crush on me. I avoided their drama for a while, but around December is when it was the worst. So after that, I tried to avoid talked to them/running into them/thinking about their nonsense. But there's been a lot between me and her. You probably don't recognize her because my blogging has declined a lot...
[*] Warning! Warning! WoW rant alert!! If you don't want to read this nonsense, just skip to the bottom where you'll see another symbol of the same type. TL;DR: He's a dick. He's the reason babies cry and I hope a woman with line backer legs kicks him in the balls and blows a testicle. I REALLY wanted that chest piece....

I'll admit it!

2011-01-31T20:45:00.003-06:00

Okay, normally, I have a nice little excuse as to why I've been away. But this time...

I have nothing.

I mean, I got a laptop for Christmas, and I've been busy, but I can fit in a game of WoW every few days...

So WHY ON EARTH haven't I been blogging?

I don't really know the answer to that...

I mean, blogging used to be such a release for me! I used to wish I had a computer at my fingertips constantly just so I could catalog the numerous events of my life.

I just haven't been feeling it lately. But it's not just with blogging. I haven't been feeling the homework, the tests, the exams, the university applications, or the finalcial aid forms either. I haven't been feeling the color guard, the softball, the social life or the family front.

I just... I haven't felt like anything.

I don't even play WoW anymore. When I first got my laptop, I played it for a week straight. But after that, I just lost my interest.

I'll blog more, since I know I need to do this to get my mojo back (ambition is such a bitch to find), but could some of my wiser blog buddies (if you're still here, that is!) be so kind as to explain to me WHAT THE FUCK IS MY PROBLEM?!

I'd verily appreciate it!

If I have some time left after I'm making a present for J (I'll explain it all in due time....), I'll type up what's been bugging me.

I'm am NOT putting Later Days down here! I'll be back later tonight, promise!! So Later Hours! [xD]

Merry Christmas everyone!

2010-12-27T20:41:00.003-06:00

I got a laptop and it's a new year! I'm feeling better already~

And since I got a laptop, I'll be able to post more. That's always great. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to finish reformating this thing!

Next up, thought, Regrets and Resolutions!

Retirement

2010-12-05T21:37:00.001-06:00

Not mine, of course. My Aunt retired today and we all came over to celebrate!~

We also had a party for my baby cousin. She just turned two.

We wacthed Vampires Suck and some old 80's He-man. It was fun.

Then J texted me about her Science Project. Apparently it's on measuring the difference in frequency in people's voices and she DOESN'T have a frequency measure. Oh, and btw, this is due tomorrow.

What the heck? Wouldn't you make sure that you have an instrument or that you can get in contact with someone who does BEFORE you even get an assignment like that? Sigh, so I'm going to try to look around. I guess.

I don't have much to write tonight. Well, I do, but I don't feel like it. I have to go soon and I don't want to try to marathon write out everything. Maybe. Later...

Finally an Update!

2010-12-03T13:59:00.002-06:00

Okay, so in a week I single handedly:

Failed two test in the same class ON THE SAME DAY.

Got a chick to go out with me [:3]

Missed the Alabama scholarship deadline

Miss the Senior items deadline

Forget about getting my pictures developed for yearbook

Offended a Christian (Pffft...)

Proved my worth as a captian

Got another girl to get over her drama and start talking to me again

Got a fellow to like me (ew...)

Pissed off Samurai

AND had a dream that scared the hell out of me. I'll totally type it up later, if anyone cares, but I spent an hour analyzing it this morning...

In later news, My cousin's Gallery Showing is in a week, and I'm going. Why so excited, Shu? Well! She's been trying to get a gallery for YEARS (well, really, not YEARS, but you know what I mean...) and she's bearly 23. Her dream (for she is a darling artist) is to go off and have a huge gallery in Europe and I feel she is one step closer! I'm just so happy I get to see her. I haven't seen her for... a year, maybe more!

But, yes, I'm pretty bummed about my tests and failing and all, so I'm downloading .Hack// music to make myself feel better. It's glorious.

By the by, if you like the same weird music I do, this is pretty cool.

But yes, I'm borrowing a computer in my color guard to type this out and watching guard shows at the same time. Man, some of these shows are REALLY good and REALLY hilarious. Man, this one show has white girls beat boxing. My lord, the lulz we've had. One girl (SarcasEmm) she is just complaining while the rest of us are laughing our asses off. Most fun I've had in a while. I would link it if I can, but I don't have the WGI fan network [:(]

But speaking of color guard! Our (JV, ha) show is entitled "Message From Your Heart" and our song is exactly that title, haha. But it's really cutesy and fun so far and I really like it. I'm also learning the Varsity work on the side so I can generally get better. I'll be the best captain I can be!

I so apologize for the.... Inconsistancey of my posts, for one, and two for the disorganization of this post today... It's not nearly as well written as my other stuff, but I'm also doing scholarship stuff at the same time, so I guess it tends to be disorganized... look, I'll update more later, but I'm soooo busy! Deadline is in two days!!

Later Days! I hope I make it...!

Okay, okay, okay...

2010-11-29T12:36:00.002-06:00

I KNOW I've been gone for like, what, a month and a half, but I've been hella busy.

I'll update when I get home. Promisies. :)

Later Days!

A Week of Nonsense!

2010-10-19T10:22:00.008-05:00

Man, this week had been SOOOOOOO annoying...

BTW, it's my BIRTHDAY TODAY! Gifts are perferred, but drawn out notes of devotion are also acceptable.

Anywhoo, this week has been so dumb. Okay, so Tuesday Me and J got in a bit of a spat. Dude had been making really backhanded comments to her to make her feel bad. So I, being the caring, loving person I am, texted her and apologized on his behalf, explaining that he's still a little bitter about the whole "cheating on him with his best friend" thing. Then she goes on about how she's already apologized for it and such.

Sorry doesn't always cut it.

Okay, to make a nice metaphor I've been using for a while, let's see there's two kids. I'll represent Kid A and she'll be Kid B. Both Kid A and B both steal a cookie from the Forbiddan Cokie Jar (tm).

When Kid A steals a cookie and, when caught, she quickly apologizes and promises to never come near the cookie jar without their permission ever again. Then she spends the next few weeks contemplating on her selfishness and perticipaiting in self-deprevation to atone for her gluttony.

But when Kid B steals from the cookie jar, when confronted, they say that they're sorry, but continue to eat the cookie while swearing they've learned their lesson.

Would you honestly think Kid B not to be a liar and a thief? Yeah, me neither, and that's exactly how she and Samurai act (not together, but they both have the same type of selfish personalities).

So with her saying she's sorry and that she's made up for the his pain by FUCKING CUTTING HERSELF, I exploded in a fury of self-rightousness only rivaled by the Holy Crusades of the 10th fucking century. I basically went on this huge rant about how she's only thinking of herself and her own happiness rather than what it causes others (of course, I was biased becasuse I felt slighted by this behavour myself). I wasn't trying to make her think I hate her, but she took it as me being her enemy. And you know why? Because if she convienced herself that I was saying it because I hated her, that would make it all just hate-words and none of it would be true. But I don't, and it is true. The fact that she doesn't see what she does is just... Sad.

Well, anyway, I'm guessing you know how that turned out, as she completely stopped talking to me and hasn't talked to me for a week. Oh well!
Granted, at first I felt bad... But then I talked to Gir* and she fueled me with hatred and apathy. So, for a while, I didn't give no fuck. Fuck that bitch, I'd say. She's just a whiney preteen anyway.

But then my conscience bitch slapped me and I began to feel regret. But I did as I believed she wished and avoided talking with her.

My other days were pretty uneventful. Had practice from 12 to 5 on Friday before the game and preformed wonderfully! There are a lot of changes to the show that I have to memorize, but I'm getting much better~

Saturday I was supposed to meet up at the movies with Gir (she seems to want to fool around with me, but because of her actions before--and you can see some of her batshit insane stuff in my past blogs--I'm not all attracted to her anymore). Well, I was hella late and she decided to go home and go to sleep. Well, I couldn't tell my mom that she'd gone home! So I stayed at the movies and talked to the employees for about 2 hours. It was recently opened and pretty much hiring people straight outta highschool/into uni, so they were all pretty cool.

After the main people got off work, I went over to a nearby pizza place and pigged out. Then I got my Star Sistah on the phonsies and she and I went to the skating rink to kick ass and take names. Then this cool guy taught to to dance. Awesome.

I gotta go. Class over. I'll finish this after I get home. Bottom line, birthday today, so please wish me a great one~ :)

Later Days!

*We've had a bit of a recollection of interests... That being her hatred for Samurai and my absolute abhorance of his behaivor.

Monday and Tuesday. Net value = win?

2010-10-12T20:26:00.005-05:00

Well, Monday was a bust. I found out my test I took in AP Stats was pretty much a 10 out of 100 and that my english teacher wasn't at school so I have 6 chapters of Pride and Prejudice to red. But the worse was something so stupid!

So I don't have guard practice on Mondays, so I usually hang out with Ala, J*, and Bro. Well, J had a crush on me, I know this, and at first I tried to make sure I wasn't one to prompt anything between us (because she's hella hot and she's hella flirty), because, you know, I try not to be a bitch.

Well, Monday she's flirting hardcore with me, so I take that chance to do as much as I can get away with. Well, she's being touchy-feelie and such and I'll try to grab her around her waist and she wenced. Of course, I'm curious, but I know she'll tell me when. Well, right before she leaves, she pretty much tells me she cut a fucking gash into her side because she felt guilty for liking me while going out with Samurai. Wtf?

I'd expound on my feelings, but I have to go in like 4 minutes and I have to type out the rest of my day!

Okay, Tuesday, right after practice, I completely avoid her. I go to AP Stats tutoring just so I don't have to see her. When I get out, I found out she was like, making out with the Stairwell with Samurai (who magically showed up at the school??). Even though I don't want to admit, I was kinda irked by that, so I stuck with Yana, who says Bro and her walked in on them and it was awkward.

So we decide to chill out in my dad's office! Ala shows up, all sad and bored looking, so we all just sit and talk and generally have a decent time.

Well, haha, I enjoy messing with Yana, and I know her legs are her weak spot, so I start rubbing her legs. She says stop, I say no, ya know, all that jazz. After like 5 minutes of her whimpering like a puppy, she decides to pounce on me and start pretty much attacking me! And by attacking, I mean straddling me and pinching my boobs.

I don't know how it happened either!! I was just screaming for her to get off while she laughed like a maniac and Ala just laughed her ass off and didn't help. It was interesting, to say the least.

But then I woke up and had a huge bruise on my side. FFFUUU!

K! CLASS OVER! LATER DAYS!

*J is Samurai's new girlfriend.

Um, answering a really long comment I just read LOL

2010-10-10T00:01:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I DON'T check my comments very often but I look through some of them and I see SOMEONE had left me this long as the world comment that I felt I needed to answer! So I'll make it a blog post rofl.

Well, life is a giant bundle of nerves, for me. I haven't been able to unstress and I can't really do my "normal" way of unstressing because I'm in guard and they would notice right away. I don't want to ruin the show, you know (yes, I'm stopping because of vain glory. Hit me).

School is full of fail. I'm doing great in every class but AP Stats, which I regret taking. I hate it, it's not fun, and I have a 32. The highest grade in the entire class is a 64, which says something about the TEACHER, not US! I rest my case.

Color Guard is AMAZING! I LOVE it SOOOO much! The only thing I'm kinda sad about it the fact that I got dumped on flag line because I was the only Senior in the back and they needed me to be their "flag lead" for back there. It sucks, because I wanted to do rifle and rope up front [:(] Oh well. I suppose I can do weapon line during the winter (If I make the Varsity Guard!)

My friends... Are non-existant at the monment, purely of my own accord (not that I like it or agree with my need to puch people away, but I suppose it's for their own good!) I'll describe it in detail in the next post!

And I must specify, which black chick and what revenge? (I have a LOT of enemies, believe it or not!)

My family is crazier, stressing me out even more and making it even harder to do my school work!

I've been playing fallout 3 and Dead Space ALL summer, haha, when I wasn't practicing for Guard.

And WoW, I don't really play anymore. Samurai played my toons for a while, but he quit when I made him feel like absolute shit and he hates my guts now [;)] I'll tell more about that later!

WELL! I have to go to sleep. I've been up since 4 and I have, like, EVERYTHING to do tomorrow!

Later Days [:3]

BoA Prelims

2010-10-09T22:57:00.003-05:00

Okay, I'm posting because I rarely do and because it's a Saturday and I have no where whatsoever to go.

I wish I could use this as an outlet, because I have SO much I wish I could get out... But I, don't know. I feel like I either don't have the time or I couldn't bring myself to post it. Sad, right?

Oh, and my theme will be changing a bit. My other one bored me. I'll probably go back to it anyway.

But, yes! Today the band when to Jacksonville, AL to participate in the Bands of America regional Prelims!

And we suuuuuuuuuucked...

We were on first, so there was NO one there, we were all tired (performed at 10:15, most of us woke up at 4:30-5:30), and we made sooo many stupid mistakes that would have never happened otherwise. Granted, we didn't make finals.

BUT! There were so many great bands there that it didn't bother me that much. Watching the other bands and what they could do and what we're aiming for! Whoooo, it was wonderous! We walked around the rest of the day in our band shirts and booty shorts (ha) and had a great time. Well, until they delievered who won what. Then we got a little depressed.

But it was great :) I messed up a good bit, but so did a lot of other girls. The weapon line did a fantastic job (the rifles anyway. The sabres weren't too bad, but they weren't the best either...). Overall, it was a cool day.

The problem came when we got home and I realized it was freshly 7 o clock and I had absolutely NOWHERE to be. I wanted to go and hangout with my dear friends (ha), but of course, there was no one. At all. And I even resorted to asking Samurai (HA! Haven't heard about him in a while, have you? Well, theres a ton going on there!), but he didn't want to hear from me, much less see me, so that didn't work.

So I'm left at home, cleaning up my playlist, listing to Pandora Radio, and typing this post :)

It's nice to be back. I need to update you all on my slightly interesting life drama. Maybe in day or so. Nah, I had better do it asap, because otherwise I'll never get to it...

I'll try to do that now. It might take a while, haha.

Later Days.

I swear, Senior year is devoring my life!!

2010-09-30T20:38:00.003-05:00

And my social time. And my sanity. And my ability to maintain a healthy relationship with the internet.

Well, since I do this best, I'm going to make a list! Of aaaaall the things I have to do by tomorrow (and even beyond)!

Two poetry analysis on Emily Dickinson (4 para each, include tone)
Test in Ana on Biochem, finish DNA molecule
Uni admissions essay (500-600 words max)
Uni admissions for Alabama
Edit ACT form
Prepare for ACT
Take ACT (Oct 23)
Maybe the SAT--it's not important down here
Do AP Stats work -if I remember said work-(study more--I'm failing with a 52)
Find binders(Stats, Ana)--if not, improvise!
Work more for Guard (show Saturday--call time, 1:00)

And not to mention telling all you wonderful followers (if you still follow me, that is) about my oh so interesting life~

And even if you're not listening, I need to get the stress out anyway :)

Later Days! Getting ready to type up the poetry analysis, ugh. I'll save the eassy for last...

Movies are always QUITE so interesting...

2010-06-13T13:29:00.002-05:00

So, I went to the movies yesterday with Turtle and a fellow I'd like to call Bear. Anywhoo, it was just me a Bear at first. He bought my ticket becuase I was running late (Thanks to some family drama which I'll go indepth with later...), so when I got there, we chilled at Coconuts and such and then on to see Ironman 2!! After, mabye 30 minutes of not really watching it, we saw that Amber had gotten to the movies, so we went to get her! Then, awesomely, we found that Get Him To The Greek was playing at the exact moment we got there, so we all saw that and it was cool...

I'm sorry, my writing is soooo ooof today.... It's just 95 degrees in my house because we don't have air conditioning... I'm tired, but I need to practice... I'm hungry, but my mom's out doing stuff and I have to wait for her to return... And I have a headache, probably from the heat... I'd like to sleep, but I don't want to sweat up my bed, since I can't really wash my sheets since we dont' have a washing machine... Omg... I'll talk later... Bye...

Work outs, lemonade, and Kanji, oh my!

2010-06-11T17:31:00.002-05:00

Orlando was greeeeeeeeeeat! It was so much fun! The Harry Potter part of the park was amazing and I even road a roller coaster or five.

I got back, was nothing but practing. Japanese, color guard, for the ACT... don't matter. I'm constantly doing stuff.

Samurai's going to Japan in December and I'm trying to help him learn a bit of Japanese before he goes. At least to have a basic comprehension of the language and not just mispronoucing bits of phrases he read out of an Otaku mag. But I have to get it too. So all this time, I've been brushing up on all my Japanese.

It's harder than I thought. The hard part is realizing that English methods don't work here. But recognizing syllables and characters is WAY easier than people have been making it out to be. It's not as easy as Spanish, but it's in no way as hard as Romanian.

The only hard part is READING the Kanji/Hiragana/Kanagana because my computer doesn't have Japanese Language Support and, no matter how many times I try, I can't seem to download it to my computer. So it'll be like, " *square* *square* KO *square* YON. And it's annoying. I did get this to work, though! :D "一本の花" which is romanized, "1 hon** no hana" which translates to, "one *hon* of flower"! More accurately, it would be put as, "花1本" which would be, "Hana ippon" and "One flower"! The more ya know!

Color Guard has gotten INTENSE! We condition everyday! And for two days this week, we were nonstop going for 7 hours! It's seriously wearing me out... But maybe this is what I need to get back in shape!!

And guess what, guys!! There's a Pridefest in Alabama this week!! It's been going all this week and tomorrow is the long awaited Pride Parade! I reeeeeeally wanna goo!! But I'd need to sneak out... Hmm... I might have a chance...

AH! I have to get back to my lesson!

Later Days!

*"Hon" is the counter, so that you know how many of flowers you have. Kinda like how we have, "Two cups of coffee". "Cup" is the counter. Otherwise, it'd be like, "Two of coffee", which sounds weird! We don't necessarily need them, but in Nihongo, it's mandatory, bleh. And there are HUNDREDS of counters. That I know of, about 600. Lame, right?
**lol Hon means "book" as a noun. It's all so odd!

Sorry for no posts.

2010-06-01T23:16:00.003-05:00

Everytime I see Brandeis' name, I get kinda bummed out.

But, yes, anyway, Hey!

My weeks have been pretty awesome, actually.

I've been going out a whole lot. School ended last week, I took all my AP exams without a hinch, and I passed Algebra 2!

I went to a Sci-fi/Anime convention a few weeks ago with Turtle (a chick on the color guard with me who I fear will one day go insane and kill babies), Ninja (a flirt a knew in middle school; he's changed a lot, and he's gotten way cooler, haha), Samurai, and Grim. There was pictures, raving (AWESOME!), meeting tons of Steampunk chicks, a "Little Indiana" and a guy who was like, a ninja/rogue, but since he looked like Bob from "Secret agents Bob and Steve", we called him Bob.

It was amazing.

I went to graduation as well. So many friends I'll probably never see again...! So DEPRESSING!

I got to hang out with Sadie, Annie, and the gay dancer friend during one of the last days of school! Dippin' Dots, yelling at jogging women, and taking pictures in the grass, oh my!

I've (sorta) chosen a laptop and when I get it costumized, I'm ordering it. Nice, huh?

And later tonight, we're hitching up and driving to Orlando, Florda for a week-long vacation in Universal Studios!

I'm sorry that this is so quick, but I gotta go! I'm just giving you a quick update. If you care to learn more, I'll elaborate when I return, but as for now, it's as is lol.

Later Days!

No one should die like that... RIP Brandeis :(

2010-05-01T18:18:00.005-05:00

So, I woke up this morning to my mother telling me... That my friend Brandeis--the captian of the color guard, an IB senior about to graduate, and with a full scholorship to American University in Washington DC--died in a car accident last night.

She was going home from the Relay for Life cancer benefit we were all at, and she was driving home and missed a turn, so she backed up and a guy was speeding and ran into her. She didn't make it to a hospital.

My mom told me that this morning. And I got on Facebook to see if anyone else had been told. I went to her profile and this is what was her last status said:

"Love is not a victory march. It's a cold, broken hallelujah."

So guess what I've been listening to all day? lol
That was depressing... And people are writing all these good bye notes on her wall... Sigh..

Well, the color guard all got there at 12 and we talked and comforted each other and a bunch of other people from school came and we all just kinda sat and talked about our memories... After that, a few of her close friends (and me) went over Caitlyn (Brandeis' best friend)'s house and watched old videos and looked at pictures of her.

It was really sad. Some people are so broken up... I've never seen some of those girls like that...

We just starting to become friends too. In the beginning, I was afraid of her, like I was of any upper classman, but one of her status? She was so cool. I was afraid to offend her or anything.

I didn't start getting buddy with her until halfway through Winter Guard season. Hehe, she plays Legend of Zelda games... Who knew? She loved Micheal Jackson... She was always singing and dancing to it... She also loved pirates (adored PotC) and Jonny Depp. In love with the Depp. [:)]

She was in love with Micheal Jackson's music... She would always dance/sing to it. She was so funny.

God, I just know it going to hit us all hard on Monday... It still doesn't feel real, you know? It feels like she's going to walk through that door on Monday afternoon during Color Guard and tell us about some crazy story with Caitlyn sitting in her lap or something. Geez, this is hard...

Rest in Heaven, Brandeis. We love you. We'll miss you so dearly...

Post-Apocalyptic Dreams, Anyone?

2010-04-29T17:53:00.004-05:00

I'm typing my kickass dream down right now so I don't forget! I think it's based on Fallout 3, so if you've played that, you'll get the scenes down well.

It's me, my friends (Samurai, Grim, Spence, Juggernaut, Ana, Sadie, just a good bit of people). We were at this Science camp I convienced them all to go to.

Well, one day, the self-proclaimed genius said that he could re-created a miniature atomic bomb explosion behind protective glass and impress everyone show us. We all joked about it and called him a liar and such.

But that was the birth of a super villain.

On the last day of camp, as we were getting on the bus and saying our goodbyes, the Genius porclaimed he had indeed made his miniature bomb, and would show us right now! Again, we laughed it off and got on the bus. I was wary, however, but stayed on the bus. As we were driving off, we saw the birth of a wave of destruction. He had indeed made his bomb, but it was in no way miniature. That bomb swallowed the camp and everything in it. Everything everywhere.

It was the first time I've ever died. As the wave hit us, it was almost as if everything moved in slow motion. I realized what was happening, but I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't run, I couldn't hide, I couldn't escape. I could just stand there with my other mates as everything got brighter and we were showered in heat and radiation.

Have you ever felt your soul ripped from your body? I did. It was a tentative tug at first. But then it grew to uncomfortable hieghts. I was dieing. I was feeling myself die in slow motion. It was agony. What only should have taken seconds felt like years. I was tearing apart, ever so slowly. And after there was almost no more me left, it felt like my soul was actually trying to sevre ties to my body. Slowy, ever so slowy, the tension built, but the pain never got horrible enough for me to attempt to do something as human as crying out. I went unconcious from my conciousness. I was dead.

Or, at least, I was sure I was.

I awoke several hours later to see I was alive, altough with slight physical variations. And so were my friends. I quickly woke the ones who survived the incredible blast and we looked at our surroundings. Nothing but barren, desolate Wasteland.

We got our little smarty pants of the surviving group to attempt to fix the bus. Somehow, the immediate area surrounding our bus wasn't hit nearly as hard as the rest of the world. And no one had radiation poisoning. It seemed like we were all immune to it. How else would we have survived that blast, woken up, and be able to move around like nothing ever happend?

We fixed the bus and got on what used to be the road. Juggernaut knew there was a Walmart nearby, so we all headed there.

Granted, it was a deserted, half-destroyed building, we managed to recognize it. But, in my vision, I just saw a regular Walmart, filled with Chinese people. I tried going in by myself, hiding, dodging the Chinese people there. But a few saw me, and I ran. I only got so far before one caught me.

But my capture was not some super-powered Chinese man as I previously believed. It was my friend. I had been dreaming that entire time. It seemed the radiation effected me a little more than I thought. If that was even the radiation making me crazy.

We took everything that was eatible and left for the bus. But we were running low on gas. Smarty then proposed an idea. We scout the area for a certain creature. He'd study it, see what he could get out of it. We agreed, and found a particularly altered creature. He got to it and gave us the good (if you could completely call it good) news. The creatures urine had a special fuel we could use to not only power the bus, but other things as well. Despite how disgusted most of us were, we agreed to try to find more and to help him keep them... well nourished.

Over the many months in the Wasteland, we had a functional camp, a fortified base, and a small area of city to scout out for scrap metal for our inventions, food to supply to everyone, and had even found some slightly unaltered weapons and ammo from intact stores to protect ourselves from hostiles.

The dream ended with Samurai, Grim, a few others and I going out with intent on mapping any part of the area we hadn't yet explored.

I HOPE I have a dream like that, again! That dream made me not even wanna wake up!

Nobody likes Fat Girls

2010-04-29T15:58:00.005-05:00

Or at least that's what I gather from my father.

Okay, so this morning, we're driving in the car. I NEVER get to eat breakfest in the morning, since we're always rushing out of the house trying not to be late to school, and I asked if he would mind making me breakfest, since, you know, he's like a Football Coach and a health instructor and all that, that he'd know a breakfest that's not too heavy. He suggested I eat turkey on wheat, which is great for lunch, but I don't really like meat enough to eat it for breakfest. Then he suggested cereal, I'm lactose-intolerant. Then he went on a rant about how I can only help myself and some shit like that. He then asked have I weighed myself recently, and I said no, even though I did weigh myself about two days ago and I'm 192 (I've been 192 for about 4 months, because I refuse to break 200).

Then he's like, "Well, you've gained about 8-10 pounds since you last weighed (That was about 2 months ago to him)." And I'm like, "Um, no I haven't." "Yes, you have. I mean, I see people of all sizes every day all day, I think I'd know."

Then he goes on a huge rant about how I eat to much (I started counting my calories about a month and a half ago, just writing down what I eat but not really changing my eating habits and I don't eat anymore than 1700 calories a day), I don't try to exercise ever (every chance I can get, I go walking. He doesn't take me to the gym anymore and I can't go on Wednesdays, I have church. Most times after church, my mom picks me up and my dad doesn't. Not to mention he's always at meetings), and how I eat fattening and unhealthy foods (I don't eat meat, I don't eat bread, I don't drink milk or eat any dairy product. I only really eat veggies, soy, granola bars, and orange juice. I'd say the most unhealthy things I eat are icecream [extremely rarely] and pizza [on occasion]. There's candy as well, but I've cut out sugar pretty much completely within the last two weeks...). He knows me OH SO well.

So apparently I'm a fatty fat bitch who doesn't have any resolve, is completely unattractive and unable to get anyone to care for me at all, and will be insecure for the rest of my life. Oh, and for the longest bit, my voices went away, and I just noticed about a month ago and was wondering where they went. Not like, missing it, but just wondering. In that, "Something's not right..." kinda way.But now I think they were just waiting for something like this to happen, because they were going on today. Oh, God, they were going on and on until I just started drawing out the conversations as chibis. Not that the conversations were cute, but I needed something to distract me.

So, I was zetta* depressed all day. I haven't been hungry at all today either. Whenever I look at food, I get depressed and teary eyed and I tried to force myself to eat and it left a disgusting taste in my mouth, so I spit it out. I've been in a shitty mood all day and I'm tired as hell cause I haven't eatten anything, but whenever I see food I get sad and gag. It sucks. I'm not starving myself, I just... sigh...

I hate assholes.

And I'm listening to Fuck You (Very Much) by Lily Allen. I think it's quite fitting. [ಠ_ಠ]

Sigh, I'm going to bed. Actually, no, I'm gonna go to my homework... Sigh, later days...

*Zetta, a prefix meaning the seventh power of one thousand (10²¹, one Sextillion). It's also used as slang (as I'm using it) to mean "very" or "extremely" (as a very large amount or to a great extent).
**lol I like these symbols [:)] ☃ ۞♪♥♫◦°°◦°°◦♫♥♪

Everyone has a type, right?

2010-04-28T21:27:00.005-05:00

That, or, ya know, some trait in the people they're attracted to immensely.

*(BTW, disclaimer, this is not to offend anyone, okay??? I just like what I like!)*

Well, me, my types are quite simple:

Black girls

Latina girls

...And that's basically it. Maybe it's because those are the only girls I've really been exposed to, but I really like Latina chicks esp. I mean, I love Spain natives too. And Romanians are pretty damn sexy as well, but I'm just kinda stuck on those races. I mean, to me, those are the prettiest races out there. And even mixing with other races, they bring out the best of both! Races like Blackanese, Blaxican, White and Latina*! Every mix is just as sexy as the last. It's crazy!

But, as for traits, it's not really a racial thing. I like chicks that are witty and sarcastic, cute**, aren't obssessed with pop culture or any media for that matter, interesting at least in video games, deals with my sometimes immature attitude when dealing with said video games, and overall is a pretty nice, open minded and understanding chick.

I think that's a pretty broad explenation, but you'd be surprised how hard it is to find a open minded, nice, video game loving, lesbian black girl where I live [= /] The Bible Belt is the devil!

Anyway, my sister needs the computer, so Later Days [:)]

*I couldn't think of a cool name for that one xD Cautina? Latasian?? It just wouldn't work...
**I have an affair with cuteness, I can't let it go!!

Wasting time on the Internet

2010-04-28T11:03:00.002-05:00

I've been skipping my consoulor's aide block to come in here and blog for a moment.

How lovely.

Well, I found out a bunch of people were a little upset over what happened with the people on our guard this year, namely one girl who I grouped with who was never around for practice and is said to be a trouble maker... But, hey, only time'll tell, right?

I've started keeping a journal of the foods I eat? Why, you ask? Because, one, I'm getting very unhealthy and it's cutting into my ability to perform in the Color Guard. And two, because my clothes are getting tight and I'd rather not have to buy all bigger sized clothes by next month...

I weigh 193 at the moment and I'm trying to cut back on eating and I'm running around the track with my really inshape football coach dad, like, 4 times a week (break on Wednesdays for church, haha), so hopefully I can drop back down to 160 in a few months, if I'm commited!!

So, I have to see ya! Later Days!

Lane Bryant as a LIEEE!!

2010-04-27T22:32:00.002-05:00

Okay, so for prom, I needed a strapless bra.

I'm a 34 GG. Yes. GG. Double G.

Well, Lane Bryant is for big chicks, right? So I'm thinkin, "If anyone has a bra my size, it'll be Lane Bryant!"

Guess what? I drive 45 minutes all the way to the Galleria to the nearest Lane Bryant and apparently THEY DON'T HAVE MY SIZE! The highest size they go to is a DD strapless. Not only that, but their G bras START at a 38...

WTH is this shit, man? You may think that's no big deal, but see this from MY point of view. What I'm getting from this store is that big chicks don't get to wear strapless bras. Your store SPECIALIZES in plus size women, and your strapless bras don't go past s DD?! If I wanted that, I could go down to the Victoria's Secret three stores down and buy a pretty strapless bra!!

Needless to say, I was quite agitated.

But that's not the end of the story...!

I heard from a wonderful person of a place called Fitting Touch. It's a place that sells unusual sized bras. So we rushed over there and the woman fitted me and I thought I was a 38 G, but turns out I'm a 34 GG (GG is kinda like halfway between a G and H). And they had TONS of bras I could fit! And not those ugly grandma bras at the bottom of the shelf, but the pretty, lacey, sexy bras that you'd wanna show off!

Granted, the bras are like $70-80 on average, buuuuuuut, hey, it's a business!

Aaaaaaanyway... that was my weekly frustration. I know you may be wondering why I haven't posted anything about Prom, but I just didn't feel like it. I dressed up, I danced, I have pictures of my dancing on Facebook that I didn't even take... That kinda stuff.

OH! And we've been doing Color Guard tryouts for the passed week and a half and guess who made it? My sister made the team :) But more importantly, these really hot chicks named Cluadia and Caroline who I'm very much prepared to go for during this long season together... And quickly rejected by... [D;]

As for an internet news that I rarely write about, I recently found a blog/youtube channel about a girl who goes by Kiannaluv21. She mainly blogs about how she lost 40lbs being awesome and how she's sexy and sweet and does her hair, but she's also a good speaker and her videos and posts are all so very interesting [x3]

Anywhoo, I need to get to working, so I'll see you all later, lovlies!

Later Days~~

His heart is a THOUSAND BROKEN PEICES!

2010-04-22T07:16:00.003-05:00

*/cut!!*

Okay, I'm typing this up before I go to school (since it's the only time I seem to have time), so if I cut it short, that's why.

Edit: I had to finish this in the library.

Well, Remember this chick Panda I slightly mentioned before? If I didn't, she's a white girl with a "black girl's" figure and Samurai has a thing for her. She broke up with her boyfriend (who cares more for pot than her) so he thought he had a good chance. She's apparently attracted to him and he really likes her, so it doesn't seem like it'd be a bad match or anything.

But she swears she's "in love" with this boy, even though he broke up with her because he wanted to do weed without all her nagging. Not to mention all the other crap he does, like being obsessively jealous and all this crap.

And Panda's CONSTANTLY going on about how being single is SO HARD and how she wants a nice little Mexican girlfriend* and all that, but at the same time flirting with Samurai all the time, but bellowing about her ex boyfriend liking weed more.

Long story short, she got back with her boyfriend today and Samurai took it pretty hard. He went on this HUGE rant about how he never gets anything good in life and about how life wants to eff him up all the time and I was damn near ready to slap him in the face for whining over ONE girl that he wasn't even all that into liking someone else.

Then Panda's CONSTANTLY whining about how she feels oh so sad and how she's been crying over it and how she feels like such shit that she made him feel so bad and so on. I told her if she cared that much, then go out with him or something. Otherwise, shut the hell up and stop whining about the same damn thing when it's not doing a damn thing to improve your situation. Ugh, whiney little white** girls...

Maybe I'm the bad person here, but I just don't give a damn about their whining. I told them both to suck that shit up. I'm slowly loosing any bit of sensitivity I had, bleh.

And this week is Color Guard tryouts, so I've been here til 6:30 all week. My sister's trying out this year (and she learns really fast--I'm jealous), so I've been helping her out.

I like color guard a lot more now than when I started, but really, I don't want to do it anymore. I mean, I'm just not very good at it, even with practice and all that jazz to go along with it all. I'm planning on telling my Guard instructor that I'm not trying out this year. I hope she doesn't yell at me...

Okay, I gotta go try on my dress for Prom (more on that nonsense later)

Later Days! :3

*btw she's bi, lawl.

**NO OFFENSE, NON-WHINEY WHITE GIRLS!

I fucking HATE my job...

2010-03-21T15:01:00.000-05:00

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

Family time already?

2010-03-20T18:24:00.003-05:00

Yes, indeed it is.

I'm going out with my Aunt and cousins to watch something at the dollar theater. We're not sure what yet, but it's probably gonna be 2012 or something

And something great happened in WoW* today!

Ever since I got my computer back, WoW only stays on for like 20 minutes and then it blue screens and I have to hold down and hard reset the damn thing. And don't even mention instancing. Opening my bags can cause the asshole to blue screen.

Nonetheless, I decided to try and and do the daily random group, since I'm ADDICTED to collecting pets and was pushing towards getting that cute little Pug pet!

Isn't he awesome?!

Sadly, I spent most of the group blue screening and trying to reboot my computer fast enough to not get kicked, but it all was worth it in the end! I love the little guy! And the description in the mail to retrieve him was priceless:

"In short, we heard you liked Pugs. So here's a Pug for your Pug so you can Pug while you Pug."

Xibit would be proud.

Well, off to the family get-together! Later days!

*World of Warcraft, dummies!

Spending time with the Sadi-nator :)

2010-03-19T23:10:00.005-05:00

*BTW, Cherry, if you're reading, I have a question for you at the bottom of my bloggeh page thing.

I actually was allowed to go to a friend's house today and it was magical~

It was acutally supposed to be three of us, but one of my friends couldn't go because a convienate accident had all the lanes from his side of town closes. Goody.

But yes! I went over, and she let me eat delicious Ramen noodles with tons of Chaynne pepper! It was great!
Then we watched Josey and the Pussycats, haha. It was really cool, odd that I'd never seen it before (or heard of it for that matter...), but it was hilarious.

Then we somehow got on these weird tangents about old friends and people who are now really bitchy. Like her old friend Christmas Tree and how she dropped out and accused Sadie of stealing the friends that SHE introduced her to in the frist place! And how she was in love with Sadie or some crap. It was weird.

And, of course, we mentioned Gir. Her birthday was two days ago, and Samurai didn't want to be rude, so he asked her if she wanted to hang out for a few hours today for her birthday, and Gir was considering it, ish. Well, Gir's "best friend" texted him using Gir's phone, then called him telling him he was an asshole and to stop talking to Gir and all this other bullshit, so he decided he didn't want to deal with all that nonsense and decided not to do anything with her today.

But tommorrow, he's hanging out with another girl. We'll call her Soccor. And she has a boyfriend, but they're into each other, and it's kinda a pickle, haha. I think he should go for it, because she isn't on good terms with her current bf and he's in an alternative school for having a weapon found on him.

I also think Samurai's trying to make a Harem or something. He's on the scheming side when it comes to women, and I think he might actually be trying to. That or I'm delusional. But either way, I refuse to become a part of a Harem unless it's my own! Hmph!

ANYWAY, then we watched Inglorious Bastards, and that's THE coolest movie EVER. I love it. [spoiler]I just hate how all the coolest people died. Like Shosanna and her black lover, and the actress.[/spoiler] It was an awesome movie, though.

We ate pizza and talked, and it was woooonderful! I had a great time! I can't wait til I move out and I can be with my friends all the time [:)]

But, yes, my mother wants me to stop all my loud keying, so I must now depart. I will have and even more interesting story awaiting my lovely readers next time.

Til we meet again! Later Days~

*DARNNIT, CHERRY! I wait to ready your bloggy, but I think it's goney! Where'd it go? [D:]

Telephone

2010-03-17T23:57:00.002-05:00

...Is a hot video.

I'm not a particularly a fan of Lady GaGa or Beyonce, but Telephone and Video Phone, I really like. I like Telephone before I even knew Lady GaGa was the main artist, but you can guess my surprise when I found out she was!
"...She can make a GOOD song?..."
Well, then, even though I found out that my ~~arch-enemy~~, er, disliked artist wrote this song, I was slightly put off... Until I saw the video while on the phone with a slightly intoxicated friend one night.

And to put it in Spanish terms, "Yo quiero estar (estoy?) preso en esa carcel!"* Well, without the threats and bitch-fights [:3]

My friend, the same one who was slightly intoxicated, brought to my attention that I may be a "player". Since I did it with, not only Samurai, but his girlfriend of the time as well, and when they were still going out.

It may just be drunken banter, but she might also have a point. It might be so kind of ancient prophecy I received freshman year. I was told that I would be a freak my Junior year.

Was it a lie? True? Awkward turn of events? Coiencidence???

We may never know.

But what I DO know, is that my mom is yelling at me for being on the computer at 12:00 at night during Spring Break.

What. The. Hell? It's Spring-effin'-Break, man. It seems like doing this would be one of the more reasonable things on my BREAK FROM SCHOOL!

I dunno. Some people have different thought patterns.

Well, I wanna get back to Gurl and WoW, so I'll talk to you guys lateeeer~

Lateh Deizzzz

*If that's terribly wrong, please correct my spanish. I'm only second year anyway, haha.

Questions? Ask the Shu-Guru!

2010-03-15T20:10:00.006-05:00

~ ::I'm Swimmin' in an Ocean of Pillow-Case Blue...:: ~

Just for reference, I discovered Kyle Andrew's song "Sushi" today, and lemme tell you, it's so far the cutest thing I've heard in a while.

Hey! How you guys been? Well, life for me has been pretty plain (hence, lack of interesting posts), though I felt the need to blog due to the fact that I don't too often anymore.

I didn't abandon it! I just don't have acess to a computer everyday like I used 'ta!

But, yes, anyway, I think I merit some explanation on my life...

...But I'm not sure where to start.
That's where YOU! Yes, You come in!

Just, I dunno, ask me questions! I've been thinking of making one of those Formspring things and seeing what happens. I love questions [:)]

I recently started going back to Gurl.com, simply because I absolutely love that sight. It might seem a little girly for me, but I love the shoutout boards. They give me so much to look into, talk about, and all that jazz. I really like it.

It kinda seems, though, that in my 5 month leave, it's gathered more noobs and pervs, and the layout's changed for the worse, but it doesn't matter. I'll give it a try again!

So, remember, ask me the most random questions you can think of! They don't even need to be random, I just wanna hear 'em!

And if you get on there [Gurl], try and guess my 3 favorite boards to lurk [^^]

Later Days!

Drama is Retarded

2010-02-24T21:17:00.005-06:00

Okay, well, I'd like to talk about my day (for the first time in a while).

...It is Wednesday, right? Okay, I was just making sure, because we had winter guard practice til FIVE and I wanted to get to church on time. We normally don't even practice on chrch-y days, but anyway,

There seemed to be so much drama today! It's horrible! First, this girl, Aysia, is giving me sugar* about some crap that happened two weeks ago with her and a girl I consider a friend of mine where she was being blantly disrespectful and pushed a situation way outta hand when it could've stopped at the root.

TL;DR: Aysia's bein' a bitch about something that's not a big deal and Melody IS a bitch for not being a good person.

The last week, this girl Harley was trying to write an analysis essay and, instead of being respectful and giving her what she needed, Aysia and her group are being botrious**. So, Harley asks them to "Shut the fuck up", and you'd probably think that this is rude, but Harley's the kind of girl who just says curse words when she says them. It's not big deal.

But Aysia decided to make it a big deal and an arguement insued. In the end, Harley decided to just up and leave the room, with Annie deciding to trail behind her.

As I'm sitting there with my two friends sitting outside the classroom, I'm having to hear constant insults and crud talk*** about my two friends. I don't know about you, but I don't like sitting around and having to hear my friends being talked about. So, I get up, annouce to the Rude Group that they're being kids and that the least they could do is realize that this is high school and that there's no reason for them to be so uncivil about all this and insult people behind their backs, and I leave the room as well.

And that's basically what happens. Now, she texts me about how I was outta line and how it had nothing to do with me and how I was getting mixed up in something that was none of my business and I'm like, "Actually, I think you were just making a big deal out of nothing, and I'm not gonna let my friends get insulted in front of me and not care, dude..." and after her saying the SAME THING over and over about it being my fault she's hostile and mad at me and whatnot, I just said whatever and went on with my business.

Now, for the record, I did not come at her hostily, I did not curse at her, and for the most part, I was genuinely up-beat and positive about the entire experience.

Come next week, same nonsense. I move on with my life.

Now this week. Today in History, I made the mistake of touching her hair**** and she texted me and asked if we were "coo'". I told her I was still kinda frustrated.

DON'T EVER SAY THAT TO A GIRL LIKE THIS!

She instantly went on about the "Shoulda stayed outta it, blah blah" and I told her I wasn't frustrated about that, I was frustrated about the fact that her pride was so high that she couldn't admit that she was, in fact, blowing things out of proportion and ignoring me for two weeks just because of one incident that wasn't a big deal.

Of course, the name calling and whatnot began then. I uttered not a bad word or slander towards her personality or action towards the whole incident other than calling her immature, which she was.

She demanded that I apologize for involving myself and that I was the one who blew it out of proportion when THE ENTIRE TIME THIS STORY ARC HAS BEEN EVOLVING, she's been the one sending me texts about how she doesn't like it, she's been the one ignoring me, she's been the one telling people who I consider MY friends that I'm causing all this nonsense.

After I've tried NUMEROUS times to dismiss the whole thing, she seems determined to bother me. So I finally told her to stop fucking texting me (since she seems to not hear when I don't curse) and then she, with an attitude and a touch of wit, told me that I was the one texting her. I haven't texted her since that, which was this afternoon.

See, people? I try to be civil, I try to be orative, but it seems some only listen when you yell, scream, and curse the point of the conversation at them. Oh well. I don't care. I have plenty of other friends who aren't trying to add drama to my life that I enjoy much more than her.

Okay, on to Melody. She's going out with a new boy. He's nasty, he's greasy, he's known as a manwhore (as a freshman, "dating" a good bit of girls from our school in the first semester alone), and he looks like this:

...Stop laughing, I'm serious. Huge-ass nose, bug eyes, weird mouth, and extreme "pizza face" acne. Ugh...

And the funny thing is, Melody's cheating on her awesome, HAWT boyfriend for this loser, JUST because they don't see each other everyday anymore because her mom found out he was 21.

He's been faithful, trying to talk to her when she can sneak a phone, telling him her loves her, emailing me to tell her he loves her. He's great. It just sucks that he's stuck having to be with a girl who's shallow and fickle. Poor guy.

She texted him today and wouldn't break up with him or tell him the truth or anything, so later (when I'd left school), I texted him and asked what's up. I've been told that he doesn't pick up his phone and he bearly ever talks to her and that he's cheated on her with some chick at a gym.

When I talked to him, he said he's recieved no calls or messages, he definately isn't cheating, and she doesn't even really seem like she cares anymore.

Now, I know some guys lie, but this guy is really genuinely sweet. He actually is the type of guy that most girls want; caring, loving, compassionate, patient, adoring... And she's being a bitch just because of some bullshit with some hedious Beavis and from rumors that she's probably made up to justify her cheating.

It's kinda sickening, really...

Sigh, all the guys that are actually good in the world, stood up by girls who are too shallow to see the bad boys are the fags that treat them like shit in the end.

But this blog has gone on far enough. I need sleep.

But I do have ONE more thing...

I don't have money for WoW, so I'm going to put some ads up here to generate revenue. I'm sorry, guys. I NEED to pay for WoW!

So, if that happens, click on stuff, will ya???

Later Days [^v^]

*lol I don't like saying shit, so sugar seems sweeter.
**Lawl at misspelling big words. I think.
***Things such as, "Oh, dem upiddy white guuhs", and, "If I was you, I woul'n be takin' no sugar* from nobody" and the all-time favorite, "You shoulda kick huh ass."
****She has an afro-type hairstyle and me, with my odd hair fetish and all that, had to touch her hair. It was an impulse. It's just so fluffy! O:

Oh yeah, baby! BOO-YAAA!

2010-02-22T20:55:00.003-06:00

Guess what, lovelies? I'VE GOT IT BACK FOR GOOD, ALRIGHT!

Of course it's but a shell of it's former self, but it's alright! It's a shell with internet and WoW and I'm okay with that!
Well, how has everyone been? I know I've been away, and I promised a comprehensive blog of the most important events since my departure (2 months is a good bit of time to have stuff happen to you), so I'll start from the top...

Samurai and Grim

Well, as you all know, I've had some rough experiences with these two... They're unique in their own ways, to say the most, but these last two months have been quite the interesting experience with them...
Well, remember that thing* that happened with me and Samurai once? Yeah, well, turns out, we do that a looooot... Not that exact thing, but things that involve it.

But, yes, back to my story.

And, well, Samurai let is slip to Grim that we've done that once, and, boooooy, was he pissed... It was actually really effin' funny... But, yes, to convince/talk Grim out of killing him, Samurai proposed that they share me. Without my permission.
Haha. Ha. ha...
Apparently, the quelled the beast's rage and allowed a compromise. Yeah, kinda a WTF moment for me too. Well, I mean, it's not like they can do anything without my permission, so I don't know how to take it. The fact that Samurai said that to redirect Grim's anger is kinda... punkish.

Buuut, as I stated before, I'm over it. It's been a month since that happened and I really don't mind at all. It's no big deal to me, anyway. They're civil towards one another again, and that's good. In the begining, Grim was oozing jealousy whenever Samurai's name brought up. Now they're back to being buddies.

So that puts me in an interesting position. I'm not sure how I should respond, so I'll continue to do so in silence [:D]

Winter Guard and Competitions

We've had a HELL load of competitions these past few months and the most important and recent one got cancled due to half an inch of snow**, so we've been practicing our Winter Guard butts off for the one coming up for the Hoover Show.

I've gotten loads better, but I'm still lagging behind the rest of the guard. And it's not becuase I don't practice, becuase I do. I suppose I don't practice nearly enough, because I'm just not very good at all [= /] I'll improve, though. I'll keep my guard's honor up!

[girly] And DUUUUDE! Our outfits are, like, SOOOOO cute!! Like, they're all sparkley and stuff and I got purple becuase I'm in the flag line, and it's so awesome! They're so cute! I'll take a picture with my broken camera*** and show you sometime! [:D] [ / girly]

girls, Girls, GIRLS!

YES! There has been an odd influx of very cute girls this school year. Partly, I'm overjoyed at the fact that I get to go to a school where I can oogle random 15 year olds all day and not get arrested. But on another point, I'm kinda sad that out of all those hot chicks, maybe 3 are ligettly bisexual. I'm pretty sure we have no lesbians at our school and if we do, they're burried deep in that closet, man.

I've met about 4 that I'm esp. happy about. I'm not looking to, like, try to ask them out (well, maybe one...), but most of them are just really cool!

1) Justice. The sexiest black girl I've ever met. Not just in looks, but she acts like a girlier version of me, she RPs~, and she loves anime. Plus, she's okay if I randomly hit on her. How many black girls in my city are you gonna find like that, hmmm? NONE!

2) Terie. Her real name is way more complecated and awkward than that, but she's amazing too. Although boob-ie-ly inferior to Justice (I call hers apples, oh ho ho ho! Clever, no?) she's more outspoken. Less into anime and the wierd, she's just a cool person to hang around.

3) Shannon. The cutest, sweetest, most adorable and normal white girls I've ever met. Too bad she's Mormon. But she really is sweet, and soft spoken, and not anorexic. She's really cool. And likes anime and even invovled herself in our hentai conversations at lunch. Now that's a trooper.

4) Alicia. My cute little Dominican friend. Although I never see her, she's fun to hang out with. And I'm pretty sure she's, if not bi, bi-curious. Now, before the fur starts flying, not I'm not going to take this to my advantage. I'm just going to bother her with sexual innuendos.

Oh, and I invited her to the dance! She said yes! Woot. Anywhoo...

Crazy Bitch Crack Down!

Okay, maybe that should the Mother's crackdown, but at the time, she was annoying me. She won't really let me go out anymore. I think the last time I really just went and hung out with my friends was the New Year's Party over Samurai's house. I haven't done anything. Well, that goes for both sides. I haven't done anything good because I'm protesting that I haven't done anything bad to be kept from leaving the house on weekends. It's okay, though. I'll find a way.

I forgot whatever else I had to tell you guys, and it's my bed time, lawl.

I just wanna say, you guys, if you're still reading, we've been through a hell of a lot together. Maybe things I couldn't tell other people I told you. And I wanna say thanks for making that possible. Ya'll are the greatest [:3]

Later Days~

*If you don't remember that or hadn't been with us when that even occured, then remember: THOU WHOETH CASTETH THE FIRST STONETH BETH THE JUDGE...TH! The documentation of that thing can be found at the glowing word "thing" in the previous sentence [:D]
**Hey, it's Alabama.
***Discolord, my Harmony in color guard, broke my very expensive camera... I was upset... Still am... But my nonexistant paycheck will secure another!

Stupid Update

2010-02-05T10:02:00.002-06:00

Okay, my computer's harddrive is apparently broken beyond repair AND all of our 6 years of information on it is not restorable, so we got a new hard drive. Problem is, nothing is synched with our computer and there's none of our old programs on there (Windows Word, Internet explorer, etc.), so I'm going to have to wait TWO months until my mom buys me my own laptop.

I made a deal with her (that I don't expect her to honor) that if I do what I'm supposed to do, each pay check, she takes $300 and saves it for a laptop for me. So, in two months, it'll have totalled $1200. Then I'll only be $250 shy of the laptop I want (it's a gaming laptop btw, lulz) and I'll get that from my dad.

I've been doing all my shit, so I'm assuming she'll honor her part of the deal, but with her, you never know... So I don't know. I'm also going to a retail job interview tomorrow afternoon, after I take the ACT and have Color Guard practice, so hopefully, I'll get the job and I can get most of the moneys myself [:)]

On the not so awesome side of life, without distractions and things to keep me happy, my morale has continually fallen. I'm super depressed all the time, even when I'm with people who make me happy. And I'm so fed up with that HOUSE I'm stuck in, I'm ready to burn it down. Seriously. It's infuriating. And don't say, "Just a few more months!" because one month has been hell for me; I don't want to think about anymore than that... Sigh...

But, on a lovelier note, Valentine's is coming up, so I'm expecting a nice supply of chocolate to keep me occupied [:3] Hehe. And interesting things have popped up in my life, and it suuuuucks that I can't even post them all.

I'm only on the computer right now because I ditched counsolor's aide for a few minutes so I could come and get on blogger. I'm going to steal my dad's laptop and try to update [:D] But I'll leave a few bullets points for the moment to remind me to elaborate later:

Samurai and Grim are HILARIOUS
Winter Guard Comp. and continuous training!
Girls, girls, GIRLS!
Crazy Bitch crack down!
LOL
ROFL
I love bullets!

Anyway, I have to go now because I have to get back to the cousolor's suite (dna esuaceb kcalb elpoep era gnirehtob em....)*, so I'll try to get back here another time.

Later Days! [:D]

*Lol read it backwards...

It's cool.

2010-01-20T14:08:00.003-06:00

I'm at my center now. And by that I mean, I'm not right in the head.

I'm using a library computer, and I have only a few minutes til the bell rings, so I'll make thus brief.

In case anyone ~~cared~~ was wondering, no, I haven't stopped using Blogger. I've just been so very busy doing other things and being busy with other events that I haven't had the time whatsoever. I don't have a computer at home, so that forces me to rely on school things, and we all know how hard that is, yes? The only reason I was let out of class today was because my Color Guard instructer wasn't there.

Thank goodness for workshops.

On Saturday (the recent Saturday), I went to Tennesse for a Color Guard competition. Although I'm still not the most skilled on the team, I've gotten better, and I've even started to like it. A little.

AH! G2G!

CAN I NOT GET AN EFFIN BREAK?!

2010-01-13T11:06:00.002-06:00

(typed up from a temperarily "borrowed" laptop)

I know I've been away from the bloggersphere for years, it feels, but it's not really my fault! As soon as finals were over, I was ready to get down and WoW/Blog my heart out. One problem, though... My sister crashed the computer... So I've been waiting a whole month for it to get fixed. A whole month of break with no internet...

All I did was eat and sleep, literarly.
And now I think I'm almost 200 pounds, gaah. None of my clothes fit anymore. I don't really care for my weight all that much, but I really do care about my clothes.

But I have many things I need to talk about!! Some that are heart warming and some that are ready to rip me apart, I'm so stressed.

My computer sis said to be be back in a week, but I'm not even sure anymore. All I know is that I will find a way to blog later cause it's lunch time and I need to eat!!

I've had insustaintable cravings lately... a sign?!

LATER DAAAAAAYS!!

Having Fun at DABBS

2009-12-16T12:56:00.002-06:00

I skipped class and went to DABBS.

What does DABBS stand for, you ask? I'm not sure, but this place is the shhhhhhizzle!

And I'm having fun :3 I'm typing on a iMac right now, so it's really hard and irritating to type, so, if time permits, I'll totally finish this post lol

PICTURES ARE FUN!!

Maybe I Shouldn't Try To Help So Much...

2009-12-03T20:23:00.005-06:00

It's true. Because apparently I'm too much of a bitch to be good enough.

This all goes back to Gir. Yes, that bitch. Let me explain what I'm ranting on about here.

Okay, I've been dealing with Gir's bullshit since her and Samurai broke up.

Yes, they broke up. Or, rather, Samurai broke it off and it took Gir a month and a half to come to terms with it and stop the weird denial stuff. I'm not even gonna get into the obssessive creepy stuff, but you've heard enough about her to get the deal.

Well, through all that--because of guilt more than anything else--I've been listening to her whinning and complaining and mellowdrama for AT LEAST a year now. I've been helping her through stuff when the rest of her friends were sick and tired of her and even when I was sick and tired I didn't just blow her off like a lot of people do. "She needs at least one person to talk to," I'd tell myself. "I mean, if I were in her position, I'd want someone to talk to, right?" Well, either way, I did my best to help her.

After a year of sugar-coating my advice and seeing her NOT listening to it in the least, I realized that, hey, it's a new year, she has more to whine about than ever, so I'm just going to uncensor myself and tell her what I really think. So if she has a problem where she's like, "Ugh, I think he doesn't like me anymore!", I'll say, "Well, if he doesn't, no big deal. You can't force him to like you and whining about it won't make it happen. You that worried, talk to him about it." And she'll say, "But... I'm afraid of talking to him! What if I make him angry?" Again, she's dismissing obvious advice and saying how she can't, which she does QUITE often. "Well, then, I suggest you do or you won't be getting anywhere. He gets annoyed when you don't talk with him about stuff that involves him because nothing gets done when nothing's communicated." I even mention him to try to convience her he won't get mad. "Well... Well... He'll be mad...!" Just restating the obvious problem AGAIN! "Well, then, I guess you're outta luck, huh? If you can't even talk with him, you don't have much a of a relationship anyway." NOW she's offended. "Well, Shu, [insert bullshit about how she can't tell him because of stupid shit here]!!" And, by now, I just feel like dismissing the topic. "Well, then, if you can't help yourself, then I can't do much either." She feels defeated, but still wants attention. "But... But... Shuuuuu...." But I'm already done talking about it. Then she changes the subject.

Not that annoying, right? Well, try dealing with that everyday with the same problem and the same reasons why she can't. No matter who you are, you're going to get annoyed eventually.

Well, lets fastforward to this week. Wednesday, to be exact.

She's whining to me about how she's so in love with Samurai and how she's so devastated that he broke up with her (seems she's actually come to terms with it, finally). I tell her it's no big deal and that if she really loved him, she'd treat him like a friend, not a boyfriend. The main reason he hates hanging out with her is because she acts so damn awkward around him, like, all the time. The more she does that, the more he's gonna start resenting being around her. I explained this to her, and she starts freaking out and exaggerating everything. She's all like, "So I shouldn't get him any of the presents I was going to get him*? Or go to his house anymore? Things like that? So he doesn't hate me anymore than he already does??" And I'm like, "Chill out! I'm simply saying that you need to treat him like a friend and drop all that boyfriend treatment." And she responds, "Okay. Whatever. Now I just have to listen to everyone talk about Samurai in relation of me. Like [insert names who do] and everyone else does. And I'll have to hear it and keep myself from yelling at people. Then I'm going to see [insert couple here] and [insert couple here] all the time. Makes me feel great." And I'm like, "Dude, just don't care. It's not as big a deal as you make it. If seeing any couple makes you unhappy, I think you have a bigger problem on your hands. Just forget about it. Move on. It's not that hard. Stop holding these outragous grudges, man...." Then she goes on and on for a few minutes, and then she says, "My chest hurts. It hurts really bad. I feel so guilty. Did I do something wrong?" And, by now, I'm tired of hearing her, 'I blame myself!' BS**. So I plainly say, "Now you're just being stupid." Which offended her quite a bit, because she responded, quite angryly, might I add:

"Thanks Shu. You know what? I'm tired of this. Fuck you. You tell me to get over it but then you make me feel like a horrible person. Fuck you, Shu."

Now, imagine my irritation at hearing this little outburst. I've tried my BEST to help you. I've sat through your little suicidal rants and your obssessive nitpicks, your awkward confessions and your idolized Samurai fantasies. And yet you blow me off because I say something that makes complete sense and you just wanted someone to agree with you? Really, now?

Then she sees how pissed I am and she says, "I didn't mean to be mean. I'm just scared is all..." And I'm like, "You meant it. Since I'm such a horrible person, just don't talk to me about it anymore." Then she gets all whiney-sad-girly and says, "I have to talk to someone, don't I?" And, as I mentioned earlier, I'm the only person who listens to her anymore. I'm the ONLY person who can stand her shit. The ONLY person who listens to her rant and rave. But I'm kinda fed up, so I tell her, "Then find someone else." And then I left.

I'm not gonna deal with you telling me to fuck off because you can't take when you're being an unreasonable, whiney little bitch. So I'm done with that whore. She need to talk to someone, she can make an anonymous blog*** or something.

*She always buys him expensive shit, but whine about how poor she is all the time. Like, she bought him Fable 2, GH4, this really expensive manly ring and bracelet, and she was planning on buying him Left4Dead and World of Warcraft: Catacylsm (the expac). Really, now? You don't even have a job and you're spending all your mom's money on this boy. WHO don't even like you, for real. Wtf?
**Everytime some stupid shit happens, that may not even involve her, she has to blame herself, probably to get attention on her. Samurai annoyed a little at school work: I must have done something! A teacher yelling at the class for not doing hoemwork one day? It was probably my fualt... Raining? Oh, must be my fault! The sun get destroyed? My fault! It's seriously annoying, so here I just didn't want to deal with the BS that comes with NOT dismissing that shit.
***LMAO Irony, amirite?

Happy Turkey Day! :D

2009-11-27T00:01:00.005-06:00

I just wanted to get that all out lol. Happy Thanksgiving! [^^]

I can't wait til tomorrow so I can get back home in time for that Nax run my guild is doing Friday night (5 pm server time: Oh yeah, we have schedualed time now [:3])... Oh, yeah, that's where I've been: World ofWarcraft. I've been spending all week getting geared enough to do Nax 10 and pretty soon I'll have all my T7/T7.5/T8 (because I get all the Conquest Emblems too, so it's an odd mix of tier sets). So, pretty soon, Ill be geared for Nax 25 and Uld 10 (even sooner if I can run heroics almost everyday!)

So, armor-wise, I'm fine. But weap-wise, I'm lacking greatly. I still need the dagger from H HoS (which I will link later) and the fist weap from H CoS (also linking later). I also need to hurry up and get bracers, since mine are still green. Think of this picture: All Epics and green bracers [-.-]

Well, that was a very nerdy post. I'm getting to bed now so I can be up and ready to get home. Haha, Later Days, man.

Just had the best day ever.

2009-11-20T22:30:00.002-06:00

I'm serious. Sadie and Annie are the coolest people to hang out with. And even though I was the biggest spazz ever, I still enjoyed it and I hope I didn't annoy them too much.

And I got lost on my way home!! How gay is that!? I'm such a dumbass, I swear!

Well, I'm kinda tired, if you can't tell, so I'll talk about teh awesome day laterz :3 Goood byezzzz~

Mother bullshit.

2009-11-17T20:52:00.004-06:00

Okay, my mom just came up to me, telling me she's getting cousuling. I'm like, "Okay" and go back to trying to do my work. Then she proceeds to tell me why, most of which I didn't hear because I was too busy listening to my music. Then she pulls my earphones out and she's like, "it's because I don't like the relationship we have," probably brought on by some stupid shit episode of the Gilmore Girls or something. And I kinda mumble, "well, you should've thought of that before I got to the point of disliking you..." And then she's like, "But I wanna know why you dislike me," playing that victim bullshit again. "And the cousulor would want to speak to you sometime in the future too." To that, I kinda sneer and then she tries to give me a hug, in which I pull away a little and go back to doing my work.

I know what you're probably thinking. "Wow, what a bitch move, Shu. Your mother's trying to make things right with you and you just give her the cold shoulder? God, you're a terrible person." Well, maybe you're right. Maybe I am a little terrible.

But you have NO idea what I've had to go through these last 12 or so years (since I can remember her being a horrible mother) dealing with her. And I'm not pouting about not getting a cookie before supper or not getting that Hummer for my 12th birthday or any stupid shit like that. I've gone through way too much shit to just up and go, "Oh, Mummy, of course I'll go with you! I love you! I love you and all the bullshit you've shoved down my throat all these years! Insert stupid Gilmore Girls conversation here!" No. Hell no.

I'm a damn forgiving person. I'm honestly telling to truth when I say I'm one of the most kind, forgiving, loving, and compassionate people you'll ever meet. But she used up all of her "get out of jail free" cards, so to speak. I'm tried of it. I'm so tired of her bullshit. I'm not going to give her attention and praise for going to do something that won't help anything. It's stupid, she's stupid, and I'll laugh my ass off when her little make-believe world of perfection comes crashing down when she realizes that all the problems she's been blaming people for are actually her own fault and that she should've killed herself all those years ago. I can almost honestly say I've never hated anyone in my life, but she's damn close. So damn close.

I have to actually try to control my crazy impulses around her. The ones that make me wanna, like, kill someone with my bare hands and get my nails and stab them into her neck over and over... Yeah, those crazy impulses. Only around her do they get so bad I actually have to, like, bite myself to keep from doing it.

I really wish I could forgive her. I wish she wouldn't have pushed me so far that I hate thinking about it all. But anytime I think of her and what she's done and how she's trying to push all the shit I've been through under the carpet for a truce, I just get so angry and I feel like yelling and grinding my teeth and hitting my bones until they ache and doing something to distract me from all the memories that make me cry. I just can't forgive anymore. Anytime I think of attempting to, the anger and grudge just gets in the way.

I'm not gonna kiss and make up. There's not thing to make up. She's ruined it and she's gonna regret it. All the years of forgiving and being kind again only to be treated like shit for something that's just an overreaction on her part... Just... I'm done.

I know it's been, like, a year, but... (now with TILT!)

2009-11-12T17:23:00.004-06:00

...I totally have, like, 20000 schlogs. Seriously. I was writing for a good bit while I was away. Most of it is angst, some of it is experience, and a tinge is regret. I still haven't decided to type them all up. Mainly because I think I might have misplaced most of them and again because they're probably not in chronological order, which would irk me to no end.

In other news, I found a rough draft of a story I'd written out last year after having a dream and it kinda gave me inspiration to start writing it. Thing is, it's been a year and a day since I've written anything, and I've gotten to be quite bad. I lost my style, my voice. Now everything sounds structured and forced and overly-formal. Thanks AP language compisition. I only wish I could regain that! I try to force myself to write and it's awkward; I try to wait for it to just happen, and it never comes! I'm not sure what to do anymore! I can't give up my only craft! I won't!

Speaking of english, I saw my 9th grade english teacher today. He's amazing, his voice and his vision makes me high just thinking about it. He's so briliant. I hope he's my yteacher next year. I hope he teaches 12th grade english. And if not, I hope he teaches anthropology. He gave me insporation. I loved how he taught. I loved how he lived. He's a hippie without being a hippie, he loves the world and the people in it and he respects everyone's individual views, doesn't shoot them down because they're not how he saw them. He's a wonder teacher and a magnificent person. I missed him, man. He was great.

Now for the TILT!

1) Listening to The White Tie Affair after a long day of school!

2) Guard practice only being til 3 instead of 5 like on mondays!

3) [WoW] Thursday Ulduar (10) raids (which I'm not COMPLETELY geared for, yet) [xP]

4) Talking on the phone until who knows when even though I'm prepared to sleep through class the next day.

5) Messing with Samurai after school. [^_^]

Okay, Later Days!

Didn't make softball, so...

2009-11-09T21:20:00.002-06:00

I'm stuck in Color Guard. Whoo-hoo.

But at least our practices are too bad. Monday til 5 and then Thursdays until 3. That's all. And I think Fridays, occassionally. That's a pretty damn good bargin, but I still want to be involved with Softball... My dad brought up being a Manager. Like, a student manager to the team. That would be pretty awesome, and then I could maybe have practice with the team and I'd be good enough to do it next year (I need to loose about thirty pounds of fat and gain a good bit of muscle in my arms and thighs, because I run slow as shit). I hope I can fit that into my busy schedule.

So far, just for today, I have an annotating essay due tomorrow in English, of course we're having a 40 minute essay reponse to it. Then I have to translate an airport conversation to Spanish in second block THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE! I left it at school and I don't remember enough to actually try and translate it here. Then, in AP Bio, I have lab questions due, equations to write out, and formulas to put in effect. After that, I have a chapter ten reading guide, which I'm pretty sure is AT LEAST 4 pages long.

IF I get that done, I've got APUSH, about 20 long answer questions to fill out, not to mention a few paragraphs of conparason to presidencies, then in Algebra, I have to practice the fifty ways we've learned to solve quadratic equations and do so for Friday's test.

Yeah, I feel a little verwhelmed with school work, but it's my fault. I should've checked for my Spanish binder and then I should've done a little but of my Bio over the weekend (instead of watching Paranormal Activity with Samurai and Grim).

Speaking of which, I say Paranormal Activity with Samurai and Grim on Saturday! First we saw the Men Who Stare At Goats, which was kinda funny, but not really worth the money. But that was just to get us in. After that, Me and Samurai snuck into Paranormal Activity. Grim was apparently mad that we didn't see Paranormal Activity first and he decided to go to sleep in the car.

And, let me tell you, for someone who does scare easily, that movie was scary as shit. I'm so effin' serious. Do not see it. Or do see it. It's not that bad, but it's really kinda scary.

Well, I have all that work to take care of. I'll angst about girls and being a lesbian later. Later Days.

Thank You (Now With Blog)

2009-11-05T18:48:00.004-06:00

Thank you guys so much. Those comments were wonderful. They really cheered me up, you have no idea. Thank you. Ya'll are awesome. You know who you are.

But, um, yes, now for the blog.

Prepare for a very long paragraph.

I'm seriously hating this place to a pretty high degree. This morning, well, I was to go take my shower first. Well, my back was hurting (I have chronic back pain like the dickens--Dunno why lol) and I really wanted to rest for a bit. So my mom tries to get me up, and I'm like, "Just get Sister up first, my back hurts." and I crawl back into bed. And she's all like, "Noblahblahbitchbitch." and she snatches the covers off. And I don't move, because, you know, I wasn't there to be warm, I was there to be resting because my back was hurting (and I don't mean some runofthemill hurting, I mean some major hurting). And then she goes all apeshit and talking about how I wasn't gonna disobey her and get a belt and stuff and that doesn't really hurt me all that much, so she goes and gets a switch and I kinda grabbed it and it broke, heheh. Then she gets all "HULK SMASH" and dad got in and they started arguing about who controlled the situation and who didn't; all the while, I'm sitting there staring at the ground because I'm, well, I get quiet when people are yelling about me. And then, when dad walks out for a minute, she, like, pins me to my bed. So, in common self-defense fashion, I used whatever limbs were not tied down, my legs, to escape. So I kicked her. And not even hard.

But she FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT! Like, tried to brutally attack me, flipped out. And Dad AND Sister had to hold her back. Long story short, she called me every bad word/phrase in the book, she cussed me out, she called me the devil, she accused me of doing things I didn't, said I didn't want to do what she said because I had work I didn't do because apparently I was on the phone all night when I got off the phone at 10:20, she said I only went to church to see Kala--which is totally untrue and extremely offensive, and then she kept saying Kala's name like she was some kinda evil squid, and that pissed me off. Not to mention when my dad was trying to calm her down, all she yelled about was, and I qoute, telling him to "beat her til she bleeds". Hmm... very mature and not creepy at all.

Then my dad attempted to make stupid-as-shit assumptions about why I was feeling bad/didn't shower so he could feel right and he was wrong, of course, and that irritated me too.

So, overall, I was exhausted, mentally drained, and emotionally shattered by the time I got to school. And I started crying in front of my friend Annie in first block because I felt so bad (and I don't cry in front of people! It's embaressing!). Ugh... and I couldn't even concentrate on anything because I was so upset/depressed all day. Then, when the day was over and I had one say of tryout to go, I discovered that I left my tryout stuff at home because I was more worried with getting out of the house alive than that at the moment.

But my dad finally decided to bring it and I tried out. I might now make it--hell, probably won't--but at least I tried [:3] I can't regret it that way, heheh. It was pretty cool. But nothing's ever interesting if it's all good! Something else happened, too!

When I was getting ready to go to change, my friend, We'll call her China, pulled me to the side and asked me if it's true that I like girls.

Now me, being the spazztic, honest person that I am, start amiling and ask her why she asked and who brought that to her attention in the first place. And, one awkward conversation later, I find something interesting! She's totally bi! [O:] To think I didn't notice!

Everytime I find out someone else at SVHS is gay/bi/whatever, I feel like there's some kind of secret club that everyone (who's gay) is apart of but me. Like, there was this meeting and everyone knows everyone else, but I don't know anyone. Either they aren't letting me into the loop or I'm really that dense.

In conclusion (lol) you guys are super awesome. Thanks for sticking with me, even though I'm not around enough [;(]

Well, I have things to do (coughmomherecough). Later Days!

It's that time again! SPORTS TIME!

2009-11-03T07:11:00.003-06:00

BTW, it's totally 6 in the morning where I live.

Anyway, yes, it's time for Softball tryouts! We're gonna have a way bigger team this year, we got a new coach, and there's gonna be a Varsity and JV. Things are looking up for the season!

But not for me, induvidually...

I haven't really been practicing, and I'm hella outta shape. It's kinda sad, really. I can't even find my glove. And my left arm is ten times stronger than my right one, so I'm thinking about just trying to relearn to throw left-handed. That would make my throws better at least.

And with the end of Marching season (and BOA) comes Concert season, Winter Guard for the Guard girls.

Do I want to do Winter Guard? Hell no. BUT I do wanna go on the trip that the band goes on to Universal Studios, if only because it's the last time I'll do anything with most of my band friends, and the very last time I'll beable to do anything with the seniors. I can do softball in place of Winter Guard, but I probably won't be able to go on that band trip (which isn't that much of a big deal, but, still, last time, guys), so I'm not sure what's gonna happen.

I AM trying out for softball. I probably won't make it, but I'm trying out. If I don't make it, defualt Winter Guard. If I DO make it, then I guess I'll attempt at a compromise of trying to do both (that will bite me in the butt eventually...). And if that's unatainable, then I'm going with softball! Color Guard has given me too many self esteem issues to actually be enjoyable anymore. The only reason that marching season was so bearable (bearly) was because I had my band friends to cheer me up.

Okay, I have to go to school. Later Days.

Life is Getting More and More Unbearable

2009-11-02T01:31:00.003-06:00

And the fact that I can't get access to the computer long enough to even write out my thoughts is infuriating. So here I am, at 1:30 in the morning, having to sneak on to the computer rather than them letting me use it when necissary and sacrifing sleep that I'll need to return during class time.

But, back to the thesis of this post... Things are starting to get more and more unbearable for me. Never have I felt truely overwhelmed. Stressed, sure, most people are. But overwhelmed? That is one of the emotions I don't feel quite often, so I'm not comfortable with it. Simply feeling this emotion scares me, partly because I feel like I have no control over the events that are making me feel this way and mostly because, with my lack of self-control, I fear how I would react to a situation if that truth came to light.

It is with this that I came upon the realization that no matter how much I love my parents, they've been more of a hamper to my emotional and psycological state than a help. I didn't even feel loved on my birthday, dispite the hope I was feeling. I was hoping that that month was going to be a happy month. One where they would make me feel like I was a good person, just because it was the anniversity of my birth; instead it felt like they were throwing money at me and continuing to treat me like shit.

I'm extremely good at controlling my emotions. I don't get stressed. I don't get frantic. I don't get worn out. I feel that if I can make a situation a good one, then I should. Negative emotions won't make everything work out for me. It's just going to hinder my state of mind and keep me from making responsible, mature decisions. That's why I've never understood why people get so "stressed out". More my mother than anyone. When she's stressed, she yells and her voice gets high and she almost literally pulls her hair out; and most of the time, it's over nothing. It's so unattractive, not physically, but emotionally. You don't look like an approachable person when you act like that over everything. It's silly. Just stay calm so you can think logically and ultimately solve the problem you have. That's how I've always thought. If I can control the situation, then there's no worry.

But I feel hopeless. I haven't been able to control anything that's happened to me whatsoever. It scares me more that I can't control my destiny, my social life, my grades, and even my emotions. I've felt so hopeless and depressed that I've even thought of suicide, somthing I think to be absolutely unthinkable, just so that I can control whether I want to feel so lowly in this life.

I'm not being immature. I'm not being childish. I've felt this way so long and so much that it's becoming a strain on my normal life. I don't even care about my grades anymore. I don't care where I am in a semester. I don't care where I am in a year. If I can't control my life, then does it really matter?

Shouldn't we all have the right to pursue what makes us happy? I've never wanted to hurt anyone, or cause any problems... I've just wanted to be with friends and family who supported me and cared for me and treated me like I was a good person... I've done all the good in the world for people. I've done so much. But I have nothing to show for it but the fading gratitude of people who don't even mention my name later.

If no one notices me, if no one gives me quater for a least a month--my birth month, even--then what makes me think they'll do it for the rest of the year? They won't. And I'll feel twice as miserable by the end of next month. And it'll just get worse until it's unrepairable.

But I'm not planning on on killing myself, if you assumed that was my implication. No. I would never. My life is something I cherish with all I have. It's the most important thing to me, next to the happiness of others. I would never let someone else take away from me. I won't let their actions drive me to that.

I recently learned of emacipation. From my parents. The legal freedom age in Alabama is 19. My mother would surely use this to keep me in for another two years. I'd much sooner die than to have to deal with this any longer.

I know emacipation is an extremely tiring process and that it probably won't be successful (and if it isn't, boy will I get hell in a can made of hellish iron), but I'd much rather risk it. I was already attempting to file a job application to a store near the school (a good 20 minute walk away), and I don't mind living with someone else who's in the district for the next year and a half, if that was allowed, and paying my own bills. I just want to feel like it's me doing this. To be living for my happiness, not constant restrictions for no good reason just so they can feel in power.

I know the Alabama government is shit, and I know the court system is worse. My county's in debt, my mom has worked with the system for almost 25 years now and my dad's been in the school system--both city and county--for more than 30. I probably won't get freedom from them.

Oh, and it doesn't get better. Tried and failed, my friends.

...

And don't even get me STARTED about the being gay thing, because I was trying to make this post pretty neutral, but we can go down that road, too!!...

More gay kids are running around now?

2009-10-26T20:13:00.005-05:00

And I met this gay guy (squeee~) at school today! He was sitting in the Counselor's suite and looked down so I tried to cheer him up by telling him that no matter what problem he had, I would listen to him and try to help him get all cheered up. We'll call him Owl (because he likes Owl City as well and he's adorable like an Owl <3)

Apparently, his (now ex) boyfriend lied and told him that he was his first and now he's stressed out because his ex was apparently a bit of a manwhore and might have had an STD that could seriously fuck up his like (aka AIDS), so he was very stressed out about that.

We talked for a while and I was able to tell Owl all the things I can't really tell anyone else and he understood and could relate and, man, you have NO idea how amazing it feels to talk to someone who can relate to you and understand the shit you've been through and your emotions and stuff. It's absolutely amazing.

So today wasn't completely a bust. I was really happy today, even though it was a Monday (I HATE Modays!)

Later Days, guys. I'm going to try to not falling asleep doing this work = /

Not sick anymore...

2009-10-26T20:05:00.003-05:00

...but I was out for a week. And played catch up for three. And I'm still not caught up. I have an F in almost all of my classes. And I don't think my teachers will accept any make up work....

I haven't really had anytime to blog whatsoever. I've been bogged down with games and competition after competition with band/color guard and when I'm not practicing for that, I'm making up all the work I missed while still trying to keep up with everyone in the class. And when I'm actually forcing free time on myself by not doing homework, I'm on WoW trying to make up time with my guildies and get a heroic run or two in so I can finally be geared enough to do Nax or some other 80 raid that I haven't been into yet. So much to do, yet so little time (or energy) to do it!

In a week (actually, on Friday), the band and color guard go to compete in BOA - Bands of America. Do I still hate Color Guard? Yes. Do I want it to be over? Yes. But do I also wanna finish out the season well? Yes yes. So I've been practicing. Anastasia tried to get me to do extra practice today, though, on my off day. Imagine what I said to her.

My birthday was a week ago today. I didn't like it.

I'm dead tired and I'm actually attempting to do my work. Can you tell?

Okay, back to work now.

LOL with all this talk of the swine flu...

2009-09-30T15:18:00.001-05:00

I'd almost forgotten about all the other illnesses out there.

And now I have pneumonia.

Kinda lame. And I've been sniffy, with a heavy fever, and everything hurts.

Everything.

And I'm about ready to lay down. Just a tiny up date on me being sick and probably outta school for a week...

Oh yeah!

2009-09-28T11:00:00.004-05:00

I'm here, baby! Here in the flesh!

Remember how I had that idea about blogging for lunch in the library? Well, er, that didn't really work out because...

1) Last week, there was graduation testing, so the library was closed as a testing site. All last week.

2) I won't be here on Wednesdays and Fridays because that's when I have lunch with Gir.

3) I can never get on the computer at home, and when I do, it's spent entirely on WoW (or Facebook, depending on if I'm doing homework or not).

But good news! Things are looking up for me!!

1) I've gotten a good bit of my grades up! From Fs to Ds!

2) I'm trying for the Youth Leadership Forum, which will definately give my parents a reason to let me out and be less bitchy.

3) I'm getting a little better with my color guard stuff.

4) Um... I got a four?

5) I went to my first AP (language) workshop!

Okay, well, I always leave out the bad things (because I'm trying to be more positive, remember?) And I think my weird depressive episode things have passed. So I'm not going to put down anything negative!

Later Days! Lunch over, heh.

Having Dreams About Girls I Don't Know

2009-09-14T19:59:00.003-05:00

LOL BTDUBS, I'm listening to "Starstrukk" by 3OH!3, and dispite how much I hate this group and even this song, the chorus is amazing. And now I'm listening to "Silence" by Aly & AJ. Now, I don't really like their music but this is nice. And, no, I'm not trying to pitch the song to you. I'm putting it here so that I don't forget it LOL.

---

Now, I know what you're thinking. "A lesbian having dreams about girls?? This can't be age appropriate!" Well a wag of the finger to you, eager reader, for thinking such thoughts!

A few days ago (as you can guess by now, I don't update when things actually happen), I had this dream. I don't remember it clearly anymore, but at the time, my reaction kinda pissed me off and now I kinda know how Khoas (The Boyfriend) feels when he talks about how he's randomly angry all the time*.

But, yeah, I probably haven't given you an update or anything, but I've seemed to become infatuated with Gir. Yeah, I know right? Predictable much? I dunno. I fall for girls who are like her. Anyway, yeah, my "kinda like-ish" for her kinda went into "We should totally go out and I'll be damned if I don't physically persuade you any frakkin' chance I get." I don't know how it got to that point, honestly. It just kinda happened. And everyone knows what comes with likaaaaage! Jealousy! Or, at least, it does for me.

This all links back to that dream I had. You see, I'm a lucid dreamer--I'm aware that I'm dreaming, though I treat it as real life. I can make concious decisions and observations and store them for analyzation at a later time. So when I get a definate emotion from a dream, it's pretty much something I'll spend all day wondering why this dream occured and why this emotion was recieved from this experience.

In my dream, it went over several weeks of me, Gir, another girl, and a few other less important people. The main characters of this dream was me, Gir and the other chick. Now, in the beginning, it's just us two, pretty much how it is now. I'm being weird and flirty. She's being weird and bipolar. And it's totally normal. But then this chick comes into the equation and ends up getting all of Gir's attention off of me and on to her. And at first I was fine with it. She was new, maybe needed friends, and I wasn't gonna blow up just because of such a little deal. But pretty soon, she just hung out with her and I was the third wheel. And my anger at this new girl was growing like crazy. I wanted to, like, murder her and stuff her in a closet or something. I was so irritated. So, one day, Gir is going to the movies and she needs money, so I help and give her some, but I only have quaters, so to make it all match, Gir gets all her money changed into quaters and she put's it in a little bucket that says 4D (which I'm guessing is 4 dollars? I don't know, but that's what she put on the bucket...), and then she said that she was going to invite new chick, and that pissed me off like CRAZY! I didn't say anything, but I just nodded. Then we (including Jugga'not, because he's everywhere!) went to get new chick and take her. Then the whole time I was there, she ONLY paid attention to this chick, to the point that I wasn't even talking anymore because it wouldn't even matter. After a while, I just decided to up and go, so I told them I didn't really feel like going to the movies and Jugga'not and I left. But I didn't really leave! I was following them! Incognito-like. And the whole time they were waiting in line and stuff, they were laughing and smiling and I got angrier and angrier and then they went into the movie theater--Now this is the kicker. They're watching the movie, right? And I'm watching them like an envy-crazed hawk and towards the end of the movie, chick leans over and kisses her! And I'm like, "...Oh hell naw." And I just decide to up and leave because had I not, I would've gotten all loud and ghetto-like with them and the night would've ended with me going to jail. And that's when I woke up.

And, to say the least, my emotions were a mix of blind fury, extreme depression, uncontrolable jealousy, and self-loathing from the fact that I'm not all that important of a person in her life. Now, I know it was just a dream, but the realization that all the feelings I was experiencing were for good reason. Because, I'm not sure who the person in my dream signified, but that's how I feel around everyone when she and I are together. And when we're alone, I get the vibe that she'd much rather be with someone else** and I feel like such a loser for not even being able to keep her attention. I can't even make myself likable to someone I dearly care about. It's so sad. I'm just, ugh, pathetic.

I mean, yeah, she has her flaws, but who doesn't? And she has a few issues, but don't we all? A good friend would be trying to help her with them, not condem her for them. I try to help her. To help her feel better. But all she cares about is Samurai. I can't do anything to make her happy because he's all she cares about. And I try to ask Samurai to treat her better, but then he starts whining about how people keep asking him about his relationship and how tired of it he is (the asking, not the relationship; but that might be true, too). And I started avoiding her one day because I blew up on her about that, and the next few days we had lunch together***, and I saw her sitting at the table with her head down and I wanted to sit next to her, but I decided against it and sat with other people because I saw how she was affected my behaivor (blow up thing), and I wanted to get away from her for a few days. Half way through the lunch block, Alli (a friend of hers, who is a bit of a bitch) called me over and was like, "Shu, are you mad at her?" And me and that nervous smirk of mine, I started smiling and I looked at her and I was so nervous and I started smiling more and I said, "Er, uh, no. Of course not, dude. Why would I be mad at you?" And I wanted to tell her how I was more mad at myself than her and I wasn't trying to punish her, but me, but I couldn't because I'm such fail and I didn't want to see her sad anymore because knowing that I caused her sadness made me sad.

And I called her on the phone last night and I knew she was with Samurai at his house but I really wanted to talk to her, but when she picked up the phone and told me she was there and hanging out and stuff, I felt so guilty and I told her nevermind, that I'd just talk to her tomorrow. And she started crying and telling me not to hang up and I'm thinking, "SHIT, what did I do!? GOD, I made a chick cry, OMFG, I made a chick cry, I'm terrible! Slap yourself, Shu, SLAP YOURSELF!" And I started freaking out and kept asking what was wrong with her and that I was sorry and said that she hated when I called and hung up because I thought I was disturbing something, because there was never anything going on that I was disturbing**** and that she really did like talking to me. And she told me all the things that were bothering her and I felt important. Like I mattered. But soon, she said she should go before Samurai started wondering why she left out of the room and she hung up. I couldnt' even ask her anything, she hung up that quickly.

So the remander of the night was spent with me deciding if I want to call her and calling, then finding out she was busy, then calling back, then finding out she was still busy, then calling and hanging up and feeling like a weirdo for calling so much when I knew she was doing better things and wishing that I could tell her that I love talking with her and that I don't care if all she talks about is that douchebag, I was happy to hear her talking. And that it didn't matter if she cried a lot, or if she felt self-concious doing things other people feel normal doing, because she's still an amazing person and she's still important to a lot of people. And that she shouldn't base her feelings on how Samurai is feeling or how he treats her. She should just live her life to make her happy. And if someone holds her down, cut them out of the tapestry.

I know she doesn't really see me as a very important. And that makes me feel like crap sometimes. Imean, I know I have other people with better opinions, but it's something about those people that you just want their approval. You want to be the highest on their list. I dunno.

I just know I need to get over it.

Like, soon. Because it's bothering me to the point that I'm thinking of her when I should be doing my homework. That kinda thing. Ugh. Speaking of homework, what was I doing.

Oh yeah. Sigh, Later Days...

*Which is how I am on my.... er.... um... month thing. Sorry, really awkward with that. Anyway, yeah, I'm either really depressed and cry easily or really hyper and get pissed and act out. When it's my time of the month, I turn bipolar [= /]
**Like Samurai, even though he doesn't respect her, appriciate her, or even treat her as well as other people do. I know he has a different personality type and all, but there are things you do for people who care about you. And he really doesn't even try, and he doesn't even deserve her. Meanwhile, Grim's being crazy and I'm feeling like a bitch for being so kind to Gir, but that's another blog post for another time...
***I switched out of AP Alg II w/ Trig with a really nice and helpful teacher to regular Alg II w/ Trig with a teacher I absolutely HATE just so I could have a lunch with her. God, I'm so pathetic.

Karma's a bitch, ain't it?

2009-08-26T16:16:00.004-05:00

Haha, remember when I said I was gonna try to file charges? Well, turns out that the whole inccident was on TAPE! Oh yeah! The only working camera that is in the Tunnel was RIGHT across from where I decided to sit.

I love karma.

They messed with me when I've NEVER tried to be mean to ANYONE. I haven't done anything to them and I haven't tried to be mean to them or anything. I didn't deserve that at all. So imagine my delight when I hear that they've been arrested. Man, justice never tasted so sweeet.

And now I'm listening to the entire Tales of Destiny (original, not the remake) soundtrack. I'm at school, by the way. Since the stupid thing on Friday, I'm not really allowed to be in the Tunnel.

Grim was with me, but he had to go. Then I hung out with Samurai for a while, since we're always the last ones to go. And now I'm headed to the church.

If you can't tell, I'm finishing typing this like, an hour later. Funny things happen when I hang out with Samurai.

Later Days! I'm off to CHURCH! lol

Stupid ghetto BITCHES!! Now I can't sit up straight!

2009-08-22T09:55:00.004-05:00

UGH! AFKDS;LHFDKSHFJDS;JSA;FDJSA!!

Okay, I'm gonna get right into this, because my back hurts (like the dickens!)

Okay, so I'm at the Tunnel, right? It's like five and I've been there since three waiting for my mom to get there so I can finally go home and rest because I'm always tired.

Well, I decided to take a nap, you know? Since I'm there forever. And what wakes me up? Some bitch screaming in my ear. And at first, I tried to ignore it. But she KEPT YELLING! And for no fucking reason. So I, in my ~~druken~~ sleepy stuper, I said, "Shut up, dude."

Suddenly, her sister* (not even her, her fucking sister), came over and started yelling at my about how I don't own the school or something and how my dad makes minimum wage** and I responded, "Um, okay. Whatever."

By now, I was ready for them to walk away. But the loud one (the younger one I now know. They both look the same to me. I mean, they're sisters! They're supposed to look the same if they have the same parents) decided to instagate*** and tell her sister I called her a bitch, which I didn't. I said whatever. Which sounds nothing like bitch.

So, little sister decides to hit me. Hard. On the back****. So I wiii-pow[*x5] the back of her leg. Not a hard hit. Just a, "Da fuck???" hit. You know, the hit you do when you do it more as a reflex and don't put the power you probably should've in it. She gets mad that I retaliated at her throwing the first punch and her sister grabs my hair. My FUCKING HAIR. MY ALREADY GREATLY DAMAGED FUCKING HAIR! But, you know. It's hair. I'll grow back. But that's not the point.

And I tell her to let go. She doesn't. So I get my bird talons[*x6] and grab into her arm. Not scratch her. I merely dug my claws[*x6] into her arm and told her to let me go. After a while, she let me go. Finally. Then I decided, "...this is gay. I'm not even gonna touch that bitch and her fatass sister. Becuase I know she would sit on me." And I left and decided to go to the church.

There's a church across the street from our school. The First Baptist of Ironforge[*x7] (lol FBI...). Everyone there is really nice. I go there on Wensdays for bible study. So I thought, "Hey, I'll use their phone and call my mom!"

Okay, although I'm typing like this, I wasn't all like, "Oh well! Life's a bitch! And has ton of them in it!" No, I was pretty shooken up. And I didn't type everything in detail. I've never really been in a situation like that, so I was pretty freaked out. I wasn't bawling my eyes out. Just shooken up. I DID hyperventilate a lot, though. And I had like seven panic attacks. But for the most part, I wasn't tramatized or anything (like my mother says to oh-so many people).

So, I walk into the church (still hyperventilating) and I asked to use the phone. The girl who let me use her phone is so sweet! She goes to a school in a different school system (even though I thought she was like, twenty [O_O]) and she's a Junior too. She was really nice. I loe that dang church. She let me use the first aid stuff and everything. She was wonderful. I'd love to work at the daycare with her!

Anyway. First, I tried to call Samurai, but he kept going on about how he wanted to know what happened, and I didn't feel like telling him. I just asked if they could pick me up and he said Tater[*x8] could. I called my mom and turns out she was at the school. I told her I was at the church, and, long story short, mom freaks out, wants to get ghetto on dem hoes, I refuse, and she heads to the church. I call Samurai and Grim back and apparently Grim took Samurai's mom's car and was on his way [O_o] I told them it wasn't that deep, but I did like the company.

Man, they were freaking out. And Grim was piiiiiiissed. It was funny. Because I had to calm him down. And my sister kept telling them discriptions of the chicks and I was like, "NO! Do you know how black this nigga is when he's mad?! SHUUUUUSH!"

Sigh, but, yeah, I don't feel like typing all this out anymore (because, I'm serious, my back is killing me), so we filled out a police report (on assualt! They could go to jail! Squee!), tried to talk to the mom (who was also extremely uneducated), and then went to Samurai's house becuase I needed to NOT deal with my mom's mellowdrama (which I won't mention becuase it will piss me off more and I'm trying to mellow out). Then went home, more drama and bullshit, and played on WoW until two, hoping that a certian someone would help me out with it, but I guess not. Not that that was a problem. I was just tired of dieing. I hate my priest. She's a super squishy. Poor thing.

Ugh, this makes me dislike ghetto black people a little more[*x9]. I totally wouldn't mind transferring to Ramsey if I have to deal with this crap. Seriously. And now I'm listening to Dear You ~Destructive~ It makes me smile. God, I was obssessed with that song for so long. I have all the versions downloaded to my computer. And if you don't know what that is, look up Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni. I warn you, though. Lots of animated violence and stuffs. Have at it, kid!

IRON REAVER SOUL STEALER!

Lol when I typed, "Ironforge". Anyway, I'm tired, and my back is killing me. I'll talk about my emotional stresses or whatever later.

And I'll totally get all those schlogs/scedueled bloggings up! I'm cereal! (Maybe)

Later Days!

*Apparently these bitches don't know how to pick their own fights. And they know they'd get their asses kicked if they were apart.
**More then you'll ever make, hoe. YOOOOU! I totally didn't say this though. Was tempted, however.
***One of the first things you learn in "How To Be A Nigga" class.
****Dude, I already have back problems because of my horrible heavy bookbag and boobs. How am I supposed to hold myself up now!?
*****Wiii-pow is the sound effect I hear in my head when I think of it as a comic book. It's very interesting put into words.
******LOL I have very long nails that happen to scratch people on occassion. When I went over my cousin's house and I scratched her accidently, she deemed my nails, "The Talons". Kickass, right? :D
*******LOL I'm not gonna type the real name here. But for now, you can all imagine that I have a school in Loch Modan and I go to Ironforge on Wensdays to recieve the gospel from King Magni Bronzebeard.
********Tater is the name given to a very loud, very redneck guy that goes to my school. He also goes by the name of "Fatman" or, more controversly, "fatass".
*********LOL I can see why Gir has such a problem with black people now.

No Time For Even The Slightest Bloggage

2009-08-21T12:55:00.004-05:00

As you all must have gathered from by now, school has started. And since I didn't get that computer class I wanted (Daaarn...), I'm stuck in cousulor's aide and with band practice, I don't have any time on the computer (and even if I did, The Mother would take it away for no reason...)

So I'm stuck in this odd perdicament of typing up about two words and then not being able to finish them, so I have like, five drafts on here, but none that are done enough to publish. Lame, right? Yeah. So I'm using the little time I had to get out of Alg 2/Trig and come to the lib to type up this little notice. I'll totally start blogging everyday again when I can get home on time, haha.

On the bright side, though, I have, like, a bazillion schlogs* I need to type up LOL so when I get the computer for the weekend, I'll get all that paper out and get that typed up :D It's my blog away from blogger <3 I need my own schlog notebook, though. Since I've been writing on stray loose-leaf for the past week and a half. And I'm pretty sure half of them are still in my pant's pocket. And probably washed by now [O_O] crud. Well, hopefully my mom didn't take the ignicitive to do that. Since she wouldn't any other time.

But she's been extremely needy as of late. Like asking to do all this stuff for us [my sister and I] and it's freaking me out to be honest. She's also not letting me out the house more... Which is kinda gay. I'll talk about other crap later! Bell about to ring! Later Days!

*A "schlog" (as coined by Shu) is a school log [as a "blog" (as coined by Interwebz) is a web log]. A daily journal, if you will, of current events in which there is no computer to type to, but a notepad to write on. Primative, but effective. Schlogs are almost always transported to Blogger for furthur use, though some (that are too insignificant or too emo) get scrapped along the way.

My Future

2009-07-31T08:42:00.004-05:00

I'm scared. For one of the first times in my life, I'm really scared.

It's not that life threatening omg-I'm-gunna-die scared.

I'm just... Scared.

Scared of my future.

I haven't done anything at all in my entire life that made me think of how my life will play out. I've always been that "live in the moment" kinda girl. So thinking ahead had never been a priority (or a problem whatsoever) for me. But, as time winds down and as I realize that this year will probably go just as fast as the last, I'm starting to wonder what I'll do for my future. Since America is run on Universities and how high your GPA is and all that rubbish. I just don't know anymore.

I mean, I used to get by. Just by being naturally smart. But don't get me wrong. I'm in no way bragging! But I've always had this intense thirst for knowledge and the unknown. Not knowing where mankind as a whole will turn out to be in fifty years fasinates me. But not knowing how my life will be in five is the most fearful thing I've felt since, well, since my grandmother passed away, to be honest.

That, and pleasing my parents, which I'm doing an oh-so-great job of doing right now. I just wish I could be me. And they would still be proud of me for it. Instead, I'm constantly hearing about how they're completely disappointed in me. Which, of course, I bring on myself and I DO deserve. But they never give me credit where I think a least a little bit of credit is due. I do well on a state test, of course you would. There's no reason to congradulate you and tell you how proud we are of you because you've always been smart. But I forget the tiniest thing and they're so quick to scold me and tell me how they think I'm too niave and gullible to make my own decisions and live on my own. And that I'm too childish to act my age. That they still see me as a kid.

And over things that seem so minute and unimportant, too. My dad gauges my and my sister's maturity on how we handle phone minutes. My sister's a stingy little imp, so he says she's responsible. My minutes are low because I let a few people use my phone (including my mom), and I'm irrisponsible. It's just nonsense.

Nonsense. That's how I see my future. As something that's not serious; like it's a silly sideplot the storytellers put in the book for a little comic relief that they know won't go anywhere. Soon, they'll have me drop out and back to my old goof-ball ways. Care-free. What's wrong with that? Nothing. Nothing at all. But While I'm living like a kid, my friends will be off doing big things with their life with big people, and will have no time for me. Meanwhile, I'll still be living with my parents or having a mental breakdown at the local bar.

It just scares me, is all. I'm so scared. That I won't know what to do with my life. What if they're right? What if I'm niave and gullible and too quick to trust? What then? What can I do? It's tatooed into my personality. I can't just abandon it, because, no matter how much I try to mask it, it'll still be there. That little bit of innocence I clutch so strongly to.

You want to know why I named my blog, "Fiegned Innocence"? It's because, no matter how much of it I loose--how much of the unknowing, the brand new, the immaturity, and the gullibility I loose, I still want a sibliance of it there. It's comforting to me, to know that I still have a part of my old self, my old identity. My old reality. Even though everything--myself included--keeps changing so drastically and so quickly. I long for old worries that, now anyway, aren't really worries after all. Like, what will be on the lunch menu tomorrow, if I'll ace that spelling test in Mr. Mickle's class, if I can speak loud enough in class this time that people don't think I'm actually talking to myself. If the toothfairy will be able to see my tooth, dispite how small it is. If she runs out of quaters.

I always thought that these little creatures--creatures of fairytale--were actually real. That's how deluded as a child I was. But, unlike most children who discard these view in adolesence, I believed in them long after puberty. I can honestly say it's high school that corrupted my view of, not only my childhood friends, but everything. My views on people, my family, social lives, drugs, sex, relationships, writing, trust... Everything.

I almost wish I had never gone to high shool. That I could've been homeschooled and retained my innocence. But I know I would've never survived. Which makes me hate the world a little more...

But, back to my future. I feel like I'm doing a lousy job at driving it forward. I had hoped that, by now, I would have a better grasp on writing and have well decided it to be my major in college. But, instead, I've stopped writing completely. The thing that used to give me the most joy, completely lost, forever.

Well, not forever. But I lost my voice. The voice I used to have. It was beautiful. It was poetic. Never since middle school have I written poetry. And I feel like I've lost it all together. Those were my original logs: My poetry. I would write depending on how the day went. How I was feeling. How others were feeling. What I was looking for in life, my frustrations, everything. And I loved it. Because it was, just, amazing to me. I was enamored by my own poetry. How sad is that? Pathetic.

In this post, I talked about all the resolutions I wanted to keep during the year. Well, I still plan on keeping them all. I just hope I'm able to. I hope I can remember all I said during the year. I'm already breaking it now. By not having my AP work completed. By not trying to write at least once every few days. I'm horrible with commiment. It's a wonder I've kept this blog for so long.

But I need it. With out this, I would break down for sure.

But, yes, back to the matter at hand: I don't feel like I have a decent chance of having a bareable future.

I mean, I can try. Anyone can try. But what will it take for me to really just, you know, man up and get out there? My old ways are starting to take a toll on my life and I can see it affect my life in the future. For example, I'm slowly becoming afraid of people. Even on teams, I shy away from talking to people unless I need help directly. And seeing people in their own extablished friend groups just makes me feel more out of place.

Hearing them all talk and gossip; I can never find pleasure in those conversations. I can't even bear it.

I want to major in English. I want to major in Creative Writing. I want to be a novelist.
Big dreams, right? Unlikely as well. Especially since I've let writing take a back seat for the past few years.

I'm sorry, Writing. Will you please forgive me? Will you please come back to me? I need you. I really do.

Here I am. Rambling on nonsense. Writing is not a person! Do not adress it as so! I'm really out of it, but I feel the need to keep typing. To keep on letting it all flow. I need to get it all out.

It's scaring me.

I want to go to the University of Alabama. Well, not really. I want to go to the University of San Fransico, but I don't want to go so far away from my hometown. From my firends. From something so familiar.

In Elementary school, I had no friends. In Middle school, I came out with three, only one of which I still talk too on a semi-regular basis. And in High shool? I'm not sure. There are people I hope view me as a friend. But if I saw them on the street? I wouldn't say hi unless they did first. And they most likely wouldn't say hi. Other friends, who I wish would be my friend, seem like they have better people to talk to or spend time with. Even those in my close friend circle; I feel like they only tolerate me. Everytime I'd like to talk, I tell them nevermind; I'm busy. But only because I know they are! And I can tell that they'd rather be doing what they were before, rather than have awkward conversation with me.

Only because they don't stop and insist I stay and talk. Because I'm so afraid of being a burden, I really am. I'm so nice, even to people I don't really like, because I want people to like me so badly. I want their approval so much that many times, I sacrafice my own happiness for their own.

Typing this all out kind of hurts, and I'm not thinking (for once) which is another scary thing.

I think a lot. I think up many things. People, voices, images... And sometimes, I can't even control them. They're just there. Most times, it's not a bother. I like friendly visits. But when they're not friendly, it's not all that pleasent. That's why I love distractions. I can't stand boredom. I have to always be doing something. Because boredom leads to thinking. And Thinking leads, ultimatly, to pain.

I want to go to college and major in English, Creative writing, and minor in something that I can love. Like History. I love history. Learning the methods of those passed, analyzing, writing about it--I love it. The best thing about school is that we have a whole academic class devoted to that. I don't have to be a dork who takes it for extra currecular studies--I can study all I want in a classroom for an entire year.

It might not be a subject I like, but who cares? Not many things are. I seem to attract unpleasent things to me. Even if I'm not sure why.

I want to do better, I want to make friends, I want to change the world, my country, my home, my life! But I don't know where to start.

And that scares me.

A Simple Thought

2009-07-31T08:25:00.005-05:00

... We all wanted answers. And maybe that's why we had been torturing ourselves for so long; for an answer we knew was to late to ask for. In the end, we never really knew why you did it.

And even now, as I take a look at that crumpled up envelope one last time, I know that I couln't have stopped you.

We were too late. I was too late.

But, really... I don't even blame you. I don't blame you for any of it. And I hope where ever you are now, be it where you wanted to end up or not, you're happy. And you remember one thing.

I'm sorry.

Drum Core International 2009!

2009-07-26T17:21:00.005-05:00

This is going to be really quick. It seems that when I blog, now, I have a little less time then I need, so I'll skip a BUNCH of details. My apologies for those who give a shit*. For those who like my short and sweet blogs, here's another for you!

That's right! Friday, me, along with the rest of the color guard, went to the DCI show!

The DCI show is the Drum Core International show. It's a collection of different independant (meaning not school-oriented) Bands and Guard teams that compete.

I didn't really know what to expect. I didn't know if it was gonna be inside, or outside. Big or little, long or short. I didn't know what teams would be there, I didn't know know why we were going there in the first place, and I didn't know what we were going there to do, exactly.

I found out, though, that one of our members was in the show (now I know where she's been!), and we were all going there to see her.

After getting all the snacks, finding out that Trevor was riding with us, and a bus ride that I mostly slept through, we arrided in Gadsden and stopped off at the mall!

We got an hour, and I hung out with the only four girls I'd known prior to Color Guard (I'm going to use code names that will be obvious to anyone who knows them): Melody, Tiny, and Rika. We went in the mall, ate, and I assumed we were going to leave, but, on the contrary, I forget that all girls enjoy shopping** and that we were going to stop at Sears to buy cloths with the money that SHOULD have been used on food, haha. I bought a nice little stripped t-shirt (I've gotten into stripes lately, haha). And Melody and Tiny got matching outfits for the DCI show.

No, I'm serious.

Lol but, yeah, let me hurry this along.

DCI show, suvoniers, awesomes shows, and a girl who I was SO tempted to talk to, but didn't out of fear. Gah, I'm such a loser...

But, yeah, seriously, the shows were absolutely amazing. I didn't bring my camera, so I couldn't get any footage, but I just want to let you guys know that you missed stuff that was pretty frakkin' sweet.

Well, um, I have to go. The reason my post isn't all that long is because not only have I not really had any time to type it for like, two weeks, but my dad want's me off of the computer.

Later on: The Gay Saga!
And after that: You all hate 'em! Assholes; How to Deal With Their Faggotry!
By the way, this might not all be in order.

Later Days!

*Which I know is few and very far between, haha.
**Except me... lol I fail.

Sexual Identity Crisis?! Already?!

2009-07-22T17:20:00.009-05:00

[WARNING! WARNING! A RANT IS IN PROGRESS! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!]

I'm so, I dunno! Just... UGH!

I'm so upset, even Owl City and their new album isn't cheering me up!

I don't get it! Why am I so emotional? So paranoid? So jealous? SO WRONG, UGH!

When I found out who decided that I should like girls, I'll strangle 'em!!

God... I just hate it. I mean, I understand there's nothing I could do to change it, but I still really hate it.

Like, I was on the phone with Gir and another friend (who is absolutely disgusting), and she laughed at what he said and I actually felt jealous! Can you believe that?! Geezus, we're not even going out and I'm jealous over that?! I hate what kind of person I am! And when I finally got him to hang up*, we didn't really talk all that much. She didn't really bring up anything I could comment on and when she did, I couldn't really say anything.

I feel so stupid when I talk to her! I can never think up a snarky comment or anything like she can, or I'm never all that interesting when I talk on the phone with her. I just kinda laugh at what she says and that's all I can do... But she's so interesting and she brings up really funny stuff, and it's like, when we're off the phone, I think up something I could've said, and it's brilliant!

But when I'm on the phone with her, it's like nothing comes to mind. I freeze up. And when I attempt to say something, I just studder like an idiot because I open my mouth before I'm done thinking up something to say because I don't want there be this huge awkward silence between us but me not saying anything makes me feel like an idiot!

Not even Brooklyn makes me feel that... that... childish! That's it! I feel like a little kid around her. She seems so much more mature sometimes. And then I feel like a kid, and I don't want to say anything she might think was immature or anything and embarresse myself.

Sigh, I HATE ME! I wish I just liked guys. Everything would be so much simpler. But, nooooooooo. I can't have that. I don't ask for a lot of things, but I can never get what I do ask for. Don't I build up karma points, or something? I always thought of it as money. Like, we all start out with a set amount, and the more we use it, the less we have for later. The less we use it, the more we have for bigger wants and stuff. That's how I envisioned it.

But I guess the world doesn't work like that.

Anywhoo, it's just bothering the fuck outta me. But, it's okay! Because I read of another girl's problems! In comic form! It's called DAR: A Super Girly Top Secret Comic Diary, and it's heee-eee-larious! She's so silly! But so honest! I think it would be fun to be able to be that honest in a comic... Who knows? I might get bored and make a comic like that one day, haha. Who knoooows? [:D]

It could help me get out more stress, since I seem to draw when I'm stressed out, hehe.

Sigh, but yeah. It's making me feel better, but the negative feelings are still looming over my head. I don't know. GAH! I DON'T KNOW! I never know!** At least normal people know their effin' emotions! I'm incapable of decipering my own emotions unless and sit and have awkward discorse with myself for about ten hours and even then, EVEN THEN I don't really know, because when I think I've found it out, I always have some underlying emotion that fueled the other emotions and changes up all my defined motives, theories, and solutions. It's horrible. I find MYSELF an interesting subject because I can't even find an answer to myself! Whenever I find something, something else pops up that makes it all irrelavent and I have to search for another answer.

Like, take my claiming to be a lesbian for instance. Well, I've never liked guys, so maybe I'm asexual. I couldn't see myself liking anything other than a guy, so it has to be true. I know! I must be asexual then! Solved? No. Oh wait, girls look pretty interesting, so maybe I.. no, of course not. Oh wait, I have a crush on this girl, maybe I'm a lesbian. Oh wait, that's a sin and besides, I could never really imagine myself sleeping with a girl. Oh wait, I REALLY like this girl, maybe I should re-think this; maybe I AM a lesbian. Oh wait, maybe I just like her because she seems unattanable, so maybe I'm just horney? Oh wait, but I think I know! I'm a lesbian! Solved? No. Oh wait, I think this guy is pretty interesting and I like him a lot, maybe I'm just plain confused and I'll grow out of it? Oh wait, he's really interesting and I really like him, so maybe I'm not a lesbian? Maybe I was just confused the whole time? Oh wait, maybe I just like the attention he gives me, and I'm just confusing myself. Oh wait, maybe it's a little more than that, maybe I actually do like guys. I know! I'm bisexual! Solved? No. Oh wait, I like this girl, too. So wait, maybe I like like girls? Oh wait, then I'm a lesbian? I know! I'm a lesbian! Solved? No. I still like this guy. It just goes on! There's no answer to the fucking equation!

You know what? Screw the identities. Sexuality is too fluid to be defined like that. And this is giving me a headache. I just wish I could claim something, you know? So I can find a group of people I can identify with and discuss similar experiences. Some lesbians are disgusted when they find out you actually like a guy, even if it's only one. Suddenly, you're bisexual, or you're confused, or something else that makes me feel like I'm too young to make up my mind on anything.

Gah. I've drug this on long enough. I'm going to now get off of the computer and try doing something to take my mind off of all this... thinking. Really. I should just stop.

Later Days.

*I hung up on him because I wanted to talk to Gir myself... lol...
**I hate that feeling! I mean, I'm ME! I should know everything about myself! There shouldn't be any grey spots!! I should be able to deciper myself easily! But, gosh, I feel like a failure of a human being!

OMFG it got bigger! My eye is gonna die!!

2009-07-22T11:06:00.002-05:00

The stye thing got BIGGER. Now it looks like I have a baby leg* on my eye. And it hurts really bad. Geeesus, mom better buy that stuff, because it's looking really bad right now... GAH! What did I do to deserve a stye?!... Wait... don't answer that...

I'mm go... cry to myself... Or eat breakfest... Whichever [TAT]

Later Days [-.O]

*lol softball inside joke. Let it alone.

I have a... stigh? Stye? Steye?

2009-07-21T22:29:00.002-05:00

Yep. I went to the doctor's office today and not only did my doctor tell me I was too fat, she also said that I have a... stye... and that if I keep messing with it, it'll get huge and I'll have to get it surgically removed...

I'm also typing horribly today because I'm tired as heck after Color Guard practice. I'm way better, but I'm still. I'm glad I don't feel like killing myself anymore! ^^

Okay, I'm tired... Later... Snore...

My Recent Re-Discovery

2009-07-20T20:28:00.005-05:00

I miss a friend of mine who graduated this year. Laura Bowlen. I'm using her whole name rather than a nickname because I want to remember her this time next year, since I seem to have such a horrible memory.

But, yes, how I miss her. She was the most amazing person in the entire universe. Now she's in New York, and I'm never going to see her again! College is a double sided knife, sigh.

But this also brings me to music and my previous 'zine idea*. She's the one that made me think of all of it. Honestly, if she were still here, I'd try to make it a reality. She was just absolutely amazing. Everything about her! I'm not even going to try and explain how amazing she was through words becuase I'd be sullying her memory!

The most amazing thing about her: Her faith. It was beautiful. The way she saw the world was absolutely amazing. It made me love being a Christian. She didn't hate gay people. She actually really liked us. Her brother was gay, too. And she was totally fine for it. She didn't love him any less, and that was amazing to me. Her church pastor was gay, too, and people in her church were open to the thought of gay people being completely normal and able to be Christian. She liked D&D, carried dice randomly and made me spaz out when I discovered 'em one day. She was so sweet, and a wonderful friend. She was earthy, spiritual, energetic, and amazing. Hah, I did what I said I wouldn't, didn't I?

But anyway, she told me about a lot of really cool indie bands around our area, and some of them were really good and I wished they could be awknowledged for it, which is what brought me to wanting to do a magizine in the first place. One of the bands she told me about was Wild Sweet Orange, a band she'd fallen in love with from Hoover.

She'd told me about all their songs and her favorites and I had written them all down and planned on downloading them later, but I never really got around to it.

Well, turns out I'm on youtube thinking of songs to look up and that one is the first to come to mind. So I look up all their songs and I'm INSTANTLY in love! I would buy their CDs, but I'm poor, haha. But, yes, my current favorites are Ten Dead Dogs, Stupid Chords, and Sour Milk.

They're a great band. I'm so happy that they got more popular. Especially since they were formed in Alabama. We're not all that noticable, really. But, yeah, they're great. I have a few songs on my playlist, but you should look up more if you really like them!

Well, that's all I wanted to talk about today. It's been pretty much nothing but music for me for a long time.

I end with this: Find true friends. They'll make you feel better about yourself if they're what they truely are. And never forget about them! They should never have to be re-discovered!

Wild Sweet Orange is amazing! Buy their CD now.

Later Days!

*See 'zine.

The movies seem to make me meaner.

2009-07-19T22:48:00.004-05:00

It's true. Whenever we're at the movies, I get way more bitchy.

I went to the movies today with the trio in the previous post (since we didn't get to go yesterday), and they're, like, ten minutes late, but whatever. Just one of the things that irk me.

Anyway, we all get our tickets, get snacks (Gir and I shared popcorn), and we go into the theatre for Transformers 2.

The movie went fine. It was okay. The girl had more of a point in this one, but she was still an annoying side-plot that wouldn't have caused any problems if she'd been taken out. She should've been taken out.

Then we all saw The Hangover, and, my god, that was the funniest shit EVER! Man, I haven't laughed that hard at a penis joke in a while.

It's kinda late here, so I'll make this quick. No movie descriptions here. Besides, I wouldn't want to spoil it.

So, yeah, the movie's over and we're leaving, and my mom is just now getting out on the road (and we live thirty minutes away). So I know I have to wait a while. Juggernaut offers to wait for me (because he's such a gentleman!), dispite my constant offers of him going. I felt really bad about it.

And then Samurai and Gir come over too, and I start apologizing to them, and Samurai responds with, "Mom made us stay."

Um, you could've just kept that to yourself, dude. I was apologizing for holding you guys up. You could've been a little modest or something. So.. not only do I feel bad about holding them up, I feel like crap because he doesn't seem to care that I'm alone outside a movie theater at eleven at night, nor does he care about keeping me company unless he's forced.

So I'm really irritated right now. And then Gir sees this picture machine thing. You know? For, like, couples and bffs and stuff? And she asks if I wanna take a picture. And I'm all for it, so I jump up and follow her. And then she asks Samurai if he wants to go, and I'm still irritated, right? So I'm all like, "Meh, he doesn't need to go. I'm not taking a picture with that asshole."

Then he gets all girly and whiney and shit. Ugh. And Gir doesn't want to take a picture if he's not going to. And Juggernaut's just watching the nonsense unfold, so now I'm really irritated because Gir's too co-dependant, Samurai's being a bitch, and we still haven't taken the picture!

She tells me to apologize. I apologize. I actually overdo it so he can go and take that stupid picture. And when we finally get all that crap done with, my mom shows up. Gah.

And when I hug him goodbye, he's saying stuff about how I need to remember that he still hasn't "reprimanded" me yet. Wtf? O.o He's seriously creeping me out, dude.

I'll whine more in detail later. I'm tired and it's late. Later Days, guys.

I'm so effin' HAPPY. But I, like, shouldn't be.

2009-07-18T23:46:00.004-05:00

Okay. Remember when I said I was going over Samurai's house? Yeah, well... You know how the weirdist things happen over Samurai's house? Hehe, yeah, well, something along those lines happened today. But I was totally fine with it... NYAA~ Lemme just explain!

Okay, so my mommy takes me to his house and he and Gir are over and everything. They were watching the end of Chobits* and everything, so I just went back up stairs and played with the cats.

They're still so cute! Fatboy's still lazy, Scoot's still sweeeeet! And Mumu is still bipolar. Seriously. I was petting her, and she randomly scratched me! Then I started petting her again, and she was fine. Then she did it again! We repeated this action about ten more times before we decided to go downstairs.

Chobits was still playing (sigh) and we just chilled for a while. We found a rod and fought over it for about maybe ~~ten~~ twenty minutes. Then Juggernaut got off of work and came over, and we all watched Blue Collar TV for I don't know HOW long. All the while, I did my best to annoy the hell outta Samurai. It was working, until he remembered that he owned my brain and commanded me to sit in place and do all these embarressing things. Gah! I gotta win my brain back!

But, yes, we watched that until it went off and then Samurai decided to watch Maburaho**. He already knows my hatred for it, but made me watch it anyway. So, to annoy the HECK outta him, I sat on his leg.

Now, he acts like it's fine, but he has a bad knee. And I'm pretty heavy. So I just make sure to hurt his knee as much as possible, haha, since I couldn't go away. The torture goes both ways.

While we were watching it, Gir gets up and walks out. So, we wait for her to come back. Thirty minutes go by and she's still upstairs. So, you know, being that I'm such a good friend and all, I go and check up on her.

I just see her, in the kitchen, listening to music and playing solitare on her Ipod. So I wander over and ask her to come on down and watch the anime with us. But she's all like, "I don't like that anime..." even though [I know] she's never seen it before. So, I agree, and tell her how stupid it is. And we're just kind of talking and she burst into tears! Like, seriously! And I just kinda hug her and stuff and ask her what's wrong (even though I kinda know***), and she tells me she just randomly gets sad and how she feels like Samurai doesn't want her around and stuff.

So, you know, I try to comfort her and stuff. And I make jokes and make her laugh and try to cheer her up. Pretty soon, we're chasing off cats and burnning my nails off (because it sounded interesting at the time...).

When we started running Mumu off, I heard the door open, but didn't hear it close. Of course, I knew this was Samurai listening it on the conversation (we've mentioned boobs countless times), but I figure I don't tell her and let her continue on with whatever we were doing. If he had a problem with it, he'd come up the stairs and say so. Since he didn't, it's his own fault if he's bothered. He just wanted to be nosey.

Anway, so we're playing around and stuff, and my whore senses**** go off and I'm like, "hmm.... *flirtflirtflirtlickflirtflirtgropeflirt*". Gah! And she was totally fine with it. So I'm all like, "Hmm... *[insert action verbs here]*" and she was okay with it! And I'm all like, "Dude... I think I'm totally in the clear right now..."

But my mind wanted to be a douche and have a fight. 'Aaaah, but Samurai's listening! I can't do anything with him here!' 'or I CAN do something and it's his fault for not saying anything and listening in on our conversation anyway... That's a bit dishonest. Besides, he's done MUCH worse, right?' 'But that's not the point. And she's, like, bearly fifteen!' 'But she doesn't mind! When do these chances ever come along for you?? NEVER, that's when! Take advantage of it! DO IT, FAGGOT!'

So, to make a long and awkward (for me) story short, we kinda made out, kinda, yeah. And I was so, like, spazzy! Omfg, I was so spazzy. I couldn't help it, I was blushing so hard. I kept trying to hide my cheeks, too, so she wouldn't see and think I was so a little kid, buuuut she did. And she thought it was cute, lol. Nyaaa, but yeah. We did that. And, like, in the middle of us doing that, my mom honked the horn outside, so we quicky jumped up and ran downstairs to get my shoes. Not that that stopped Samurai from jumping out of the shadows at me. Serious, he has this area that's suuuper dark in his house and he just jumps out and scares people. Sucky.

All the while, Grim is in Alanta with his family and has no idea. Yep, makes me the best girlfriend ever, alright.

But, yeah, I got my stuff, and on the way out, Samurai said something along the lines of, "You WILL be repremanded..." without any explaination. So I'm thinking, 'Shit, he totally heard us, omfg, I'm a whore! A FILTHY DIRTY WHORE!' So I said, "Whatever", and ran out to the car. But, boy, did I have the biggest smile on my face! You don't even know!

Aaah, so that was my day. Was cheating worth it, Shu? Yes. Yes it was. Do you still feel like a bitch and killing yourself for being so unfaithful and horrible and untrustworthy? Yes. Yes I do.
I might just go punish myself later. But with what? I don't know. I'm not cutting myself anymore, so that's out. I'll have to get creative.

Anyway, it's twelve thirty, so Later Days!

*I absolutely HATE Chobits. It has a terrible plot, stupid characters, and, the thing that bothers me the MOST, Chii's "on" button is in her VAGINA. Yeah, to turn her on, you have to finger her (that's what he said!). Damn Japanese and their nonsense!
**Maburaho is an [absolutely dreadful] anime about a guy in a world where your social class is determined by how much magic you can use. Everyone has a number. Higher the number, more magic you can use. Everyone at the accademy has a min. of 8000 times. The highest is about 140000. He can only use his magic 7 times. But, due to his lineage, he has the power of past magicians in his bloodline and even though he can't use magic much, his offspring will be able to. So, these three girls all want to have his babies and he runs from him. I absolutely hate those animes. But, yes, that's the jest of it.
***Okay, so Samurai doesn't like her sitting in his lap. He doesn't like her doing a lot of things that I do without him saying a word. So I think she was bothered by that (and maybe a little jealous or something?). I didn't want her to feel like I was doing it on purpose, though. I seriously wasn't.
****My whore senses are when I become really flirty around girls. Normally, there's no "whore" in it, but since she has a boyfriend, it does. She was really vulnarable, you know? And all sad and sobby still, and I totally took advantage of it. Or vise-versa? I don't even know. Like, I led her on, but she actually ignitiated it! So it's both our faults!

College trip~ And I'm only a Junior!

2009-07-17T20:32:00.004-05:00

Heh, well, it wasn't for me, it was for cousin. We went to the University of West Alabama for Freshman orientation/registration!

The car ride was horrible. As you may not know, I have really bad motion sickness. Cars, boats, planes, running too fast (lol), yeah, it all affects me and makes me feel like BLARG [Dx]! So I attempted to sleep the entire two and a half hour ride there. And when I wasn't asleep, I acted like I was because it could hopefully keep the horrid feeling of BLARG [Dx] away.

But when we got there, it was a nice campus. Nice group of people, you know, mixed and not just strictly one group. It took us forever to finally get everything done!

I mean, first, we had to go here, then we were sent there, then we walked up and down here and there wasn't here, so we went over yonder and it wasn't there, then we had a break for lunch*, then we're on our way back here but have to go there to find here and then when we finally get there, we have to wait twenty-five minutes to find someone to get the registration info.

But after that, we got his ID, his scheduel, his housing app, and we were on our way outta there!

On the way back to the Big Apple (as I like to think of our city), we stopped by my cousin Kesha's house.

It's awesome! And when I say awesome, I mean it! beautiful architecture!! Just beautiful! If only I had a picture!

But yeah, we chilled over there for a bit, watched Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins, and then we left.

I also discovered something yesterday: My mother is embarressed of me.

Yep. I was shocked too. Am I not the perfect gender-confused girl that any mother would love? Apparently not, since I do things that aren't socially acceptable.

Some of my social bludders, according to her: burping in public, burping at home and not saying excuse me, talking too much, talking too little, asking questions that are apparently common sense, and, the one I commited so blantantly yesterday, mentioning that I was cramping.

Now, I understand if I said, "HEY MOM, THERE'S BLODD GUSHING OUT OF MY VAGINA! Can I call shotgun?" But I never said that. I simply asked her if I could sit in the passanger seat instead of the back because, as you all now know, I have horrible motion sickness (blarg [Dx]) and when she didn't respond, I added that I was cramping and that cramp + car sick = blarg [Dx] and they acted like I just said some taboo, horrible thing. I didn't even mention my period. For all they know, my arm could be cramping.

Gosh, I know it's a hush-hush subject, but does it really take all that? Ugh, so my mom basically tells me what an embarressment I am. That's cool. I didn't really expect anything different.

Sigh, but yes, I'm gald I got that all out. Now, I must get ready. I'm going to Samurai's house today. Cross you fingers. And pray I don't blow up on someone today. I don't... um... emotionally process things well when my uterus is cramping.

I Wanna Be an Exotic Dancer, Mommy!

2009-07-17T20:28:00.001-05:00

What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up: What If #1: Exotic Dancer

Okay, everyone's had that, "I want to be [insert overly flamboyant and/or absurd occupation here]" moment in their lives. Maybe an occupation that wasn't, er, socially accpetable to the masses. You know, a kid who wants to grow up to be a janitor, or a girl who wants to play professional football when her parents had hoped for ballet. Or the boy who discovers his love for knitting needles, rather than the traditional baseball glove.

Whatever the profession, everyone's always wanted to do something that someone else doesn't aprove of. I myself have had my fair share of dreams for the emotionally degranged. One of those said dreams is to be an exotic dancer.

Now, don't start up with all your, "She's a whore!" Nonsense! I have a reason!

Ever actually liked being able to manipulate guys with your body?? Dude, that seriously sounds like a super power!

SEE?! They exist! She is discribed by some as, "A super-powered hooker. Who kills you with orgasms." Even Marvel thought it was a great idea!

Oh yeah... I looked up "super hooker" lol. But we're getting off subject here!

The point of the matter is, is that girl have power. Lots of power. And whores have even more power. They just choose to use it a different, more fufilling way.

I jus think it would be interesting. Think of it from a, er, mature? Yeah, mature standpoint!

~Good money

~You never have an absense in donaters.

~You'll aways have connections.

~Never a lack of attention on your part.

So, you see? There are plenty of positive reasons to want to be a hooker. What are my reasons? Well, I'm an attention whore, at heart. Not to mention I find it amusing [:D]

But, er, yes I'm going to stop this conversation right now so I don't feel like a complete idiot or delusional geek. But, yes, this is but one of the "odd jobs" I totally wouldn't mind.

You guys have any odd jobs you wouldn't mind doing? If so, tell me! [bullshist] If I like it, it could end up on next week's show! Just send all videos to PO Box 3724 Goobstomp, NV 46235. And you could when 35 THOSAND dollars and a "I wanna have a silly job!" T-shirt![/bullshist]

Later Days! [x3]

Blogging Connecting (and reconnecting) the World

2009-07-16T14:05:00.004-05:00

Blogging Connecting (and reconnecting) the World and My Doggie's Paranoia!

I told you it was up next... I've got good chronological orderly-ness. [:3]

I was just thinking about how amazing this blogging thing is for me and how it's changed so much in my previously minuscle world. I can now see the views of other people and think more maturly about certain matters when giving myself the chance to think them through.

You see, I'm extremely impusive. And I mean extremely. I often do things without even contenplating a second thought. it just happens. I wonder something and I do it. Or, if someone else is manipulating the situation, I simple go with it, my curiousity stringing me along to see where the situation will lead, good or bad. Dispite the fact that I know these are horrible quilities, I've learned to wait and think. Many times when I'm in a situation, I'll think, "Maybe I should blog about this and see what responses I get and work from that". It might not see like much, but this blog has helped with someone I've had a problem with for a long time. And for that, I'm immensely greatful.

I'm also glad this blog has brought me readers. Were it not for you all, I wouldn't have someone to give me feed back on certain situations and make me stop and wonder if I should just wait and think of things more. Not to mention I get to hear stories and experiences from other people whos lives aren't all that different from mine. It makes me really happy, honestly. That's also why I like comments! Don't ever be shy to comment! It makes me super happy to see just a few words, no matter how off topic or trollish they may be!

But enough about that. Back to the original topic.

Blogging has connected me with people I would never have met otherwise. It's even helped me keep in touch with people I hadn't seen in ages, or themes I had forgotten in the confusion of growing up.

I'm gonna try to keep this short, since I have a habit of making blogs last insanely long amounts of time... I'll leave you with this... Not some words of wisdom from a century-old sage... or a nice verse from a religious text that might help you exorsize a demon... Just a simple thank you to all my readers and people who have allowed me to see a little into their lives as well. It does a heart good to have friends.

Now, about my doggie's paranoia.... After we left on the trip, we put her in the pound for FIVE days. She's never been gone that long since we got her as a pup!
Since we got her back, all she does is follow us around. She never barks, even though before we left, she was a chatterbox, and when we leave, she howls. The saddest howl I've ever heard.

My sister caught her on hidden camera (lol) after we'd left for color guard practice Tuesday, and hearing it broke my heart. Now, whenever I get up and leave a room, she follows me. She doesn't let us all out of her sight. I feel so bad her. She actually thought we'd abandoned her. Poor thing...

Caio! I've got to go. My sister wants on. I'll be back later with:

Assholes and How to Deal With Them (Oh yeah, I'm talkin' about you, Samurai...)

After that: The Gay Saga - How the Frak Did I Get in This Mess?

And still to come: What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up: What If #1: Exotic Dancer. It's not as bad as you think! [;)]

Later Days!

And now for a nice break in the monotony

2009-07-16T13:32:00.002-05:00

I got this quiz from the darling Marie~ And I had time to burn, so what better a way to celebrate my swing back into the blogging ring than with a survey?

1. What is your occupation right now? A lazy highschool student!
2. What color are your socks right now? I'm not wearing any...
3. What are you listening to right now? Battle Theme from the Eternal Sonota OST
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Cap'tn Crunch!
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Of course! My parent's cars are ooooold.
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? I don't quite remember... Wish someone would call me [:(]
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Er, I found it, k?
8. How old are you today? 16 (going on 17!)
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Baseball!
10. What is your favorite drink? Green tea (with a dash of lemon and waaay too much sugar!)
12. Favorite food? Salmon. Grilled Salmon.
13. What is the last movie you watched? Accepted.
14. Favorite day of the year? October 19th :P Guess which day that is?
15. How do you vent anger? Cut. Or blog. Or break stuff. Or vent. Or run, when I can. I like the last on best.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My stuffed animals! All of them <3
17. What is your favorite season? Fall. It's beautiful, and it's my birthday season!
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries, I guess. They're both pretty gross, though.
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? What?
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Huh??
21. Who is least likely to respond? What the frak are you talking about??
22. Living arrangements? My parents in a LOVELY house with my three favorite animals.
23. When was the last time you cried? Hmm... I cried when Samurai threatened me. Well, not CRY, persay... More like teared up. I'm too hard core for crying, SHEESH!
24. What is on the floor of your closet? ...I don't have a closet...
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest? I'm not sure... I'd say Crys, but she's not much of a friend anymore... Showtime? No, she doesn't like me anymore... Damn, I suck...
26. What did you do last night? Binged and watched movies.
27. What are you most afraid of? No one accepting/loving me and being alone. Lame, right?
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Plain, but I'm not much of a burger fan anyway.
29. Favorite dog breed? Breed? I like mixed breeds :) Lab/german shepard... But I like full bred Boston terriers <33 They're fabulous.
30. Favorite day of the week? Caturday.
31. How many states have you lived in? One.
32. Diamonds or pearls? A diamond encrusted pimp glove so I can slap you for asking that question.
33. What are your favorite flowers? Every and all kinds, man.

Well, that's my boredom spewing out into your update boxes. I'm off. Give my best to the Miss'.

Weird, I go from not wanting to blog at all...

2009-07-15T21:24:00.005-05:00

...to three posts in one day. Fickle, huh?

Well, I've needed to get some things off of my chest, and I realized that I can't talk to people I know because, well, why talk to them when I can talk to all of you?

The first thing I want to talk about is an issue with a person I have (of which I'm talking to at this exact moment)...

I call it the Justin Saga.

Not that it's much of a saga at all. More like a couple of days or so, but a string of drama that long for me is a lot... So, I'll just get to it.

A few months ago, I reconnected with a friend I had lost touch with since middle school. He was a bit annoying in middle school, and mostly, I was friends with him because I knew how it felt to be a school outcast. And so, I befriended him, dispite his somewhat outworldish goal of alienating anyone who thought he could be slightly interesting. Everytime I turned around, he's insulting a "popular" girl, acting out in class, picking a fight with one of the people that actually didn't really find him detestable and causing anyone around to conjur up a few negative retorts (to say the least) his way, even furthur lowering his friends base. To put it bluntly: He was an ass. And for no good reason. Not one that I could see, anyway.

I always thought that was the weirdiest thing, too. His apparent problem with people, even when they leaned on the good side of the friend fence, puzzled me to no end! Why, wouldn't he want friends? Why was he so rude, so mean, and so crude to anyone he met by default? It was strange to me. Were I in that situation, I'd make sure to do the opposite. The only people he was genuinely nice to were me and a few other friends within our friend circle.

I want to say it was because he didn't want to bend over backwards just for a shallow friendship. That he wanted to give a test, so to speak, and sift out the worthy from the bad, but doesn't that seem a little egotistical to you? To feel you have the authority to make such a decision? I don't know. But I'm sure it wasn't that he wanted to see who was a true friend. He was just so obnoixious for absolutely no reason. Even to me, and normally I pad things down. But he was just a jackass. But why? He had nothing to show for it; he wasn't captain of the football team, wasn't rich, wasn't popular... Now that I think of it, the only thing he had going for him were his grades.

He was plenty smart. Didn't have to study or do homework and could skip trough the day with Bs. Kind of like me, in a way. Except I've never been naturally that smart or gifted. But he was a real brainiac. Could've gotten As... if he applied himself, that is. Which he didn't. I guess he thought goofin' off and playin' video games and chess all day could get him into any school. We didn't really think he'd get far with his devil-may-care attitude.

Buuut, sometimes the unlikely does happen. He sure showed us. Got a full payed scholorship to a really pretigious boarding school here in the ol' south. For playing chess, of all things! For sitting on his ass and moving decorated wooden pieces on an effin' checkered board! Imagine that! I take honors classes all through middle school and all I get is a B-list highschool where the principle could care less about us as a whole, much less the entire graduating class. And slaker here gets to boast about his school that he got into because of a simple hobby? Ludicrous!

This brings us back to the present. Now, he goes to this fancy-pants boarding school and we start talking again and everything, right? Well, he'd frickin' beggin' me, no kiddin', to transfer. Well, I tell him I'll think about it. Think for a few seconds, and decide against it. I'd have to make new friends in my third year of highschool. Waaaaay too much work for me, my friends, and dispite how much I'm getting sick and tired of Shades Valley, I think I'll take the easier route and just stay in my usual hellhole. Better than getting rejected again*. Not to mention it's a BOARDING school! The tuition is unbe-fricking-livably pricey! Board alone is around 35 hundred, and that's just for 5-day board! No way was I going there!

He had expected this, however, and told me all I had to do was start up something, like Chess, and I'd get a scholorship in no time. And that his knew the dean personally and could get me extra money. But, still, I'm not really looking for a new place right now.

And I told him that. Politely. But he insisted. And persisted. But no matter what his plea consisted, I continued to deny his offer. But we still talked. Sometimes about school, sometimes about friends, and sometimes about love... Normally during these conversations, I would rant about how highschool romances are bullshist, and how love at first sight is the dumbist crap I've ever heard, while he'd disagree and proceed to compliment me excessively, which turned me off a bit.

Listen, I love compliments as much as the next girl, but reeeeally? Even after I've told you I have a boyfriend, you still try?

But I don't tell him this. I just give a polite thank you and let it go.

Well, not too long ago, he started playing WoW. And being the WoW enthusist I am, I instantly told him all my information and directed him to my server. I was so excited! I mean, how many people do I know who play WoW? A few. But how many are actually on my server? Few and far between.

So he started up, made a (female**) druid, and I began to level with him on my warrior***. It was fun at first. Questing together, leveling together, dieing at the hands of hogger together... It was good times.

But he continued to hit on me. At first, I just said, 'thank you', and subtlety threw in a, 'I kinda have a boyfriend btdubs', but he would NOT listen! He would keep doing it over and over and after a while, I just got really freaking annoyed. But I didn't lash out immediatly. I calmly told him to stop hitting on my or my boyfriend would thoroughly beat his ass, but he was stubborn to keep ignoring my threats. Then, after a while, I just said fuck it. I'm not fucking interested in you and I have a boyfriend. Not to mention I'm not even attracted to you, so get the fuck off my back and leave me the fuck alone.

Unfortunately, he was on his man period that day, so I was lucky enough to her him whine about his life problems and how he can never get anything he wants to me. Mm... Fun.

All the while, I'm on the phone with Samurai because it's all so effin' hilarious... Trust me, if you were there, you'd know. I'm not even gonna attempt to type all of it out. But the just of it (on his side) sounded like reject lines from the days of our lives meets emo time. Bleh.

So I call him, you know, try to cheer him up. Make him feel a little better... and the entire time, he wants to act like a bitch and try to fuck with my head****. Nu-uh, I get enough of that from Samurai. So I said fuck it and just hung up. Then he calls back and whines about how now he wants to talk about it and how he's sorry. I had already called Samurai by then and had way better people to talk to, so I just ignored him.

The next day, he's whining about how he's so sorry and how he'll never be a whiney bitch again and all that. I told him that I didn't want any of his petty drama (for absolutely no reason!) and told him to stop talking to me. But he would NOT let it go! I actually screen capped our entire conversation, and when I get the time, I swear I'll post it, haha. But I digress! He wouldn't let it go! So I was like, "Fine! You know what? I'll give you another chance. On one condition: You get me 500 gold. 500 gold and send it to me by the end of the summer. Do that, and you're home free."

He says he will, and that was that. He still tries to talk to me to this day, but now when I get an IM from him, I don't even feel like replyin', much less having a full-blown conversation with the guy. He's just too annoying. And he takes people for granted.

Anywhoo, I found the answer to my questions: Why, wouldn't he want friends? Because he's an ass. Why was he so rude, so mean, and so crude to anyone he met by default? Because he's an ass. Why would he start drama with a so-called "friend" for no reason whatsoever? Because he was bored and he was an ass.

Up next: Blogging Connecting (and reconnecting) the World and My Doggie's Paranoia!

And after that: Assholes and How to Deal With Them (Oh yeah, I'm talkin' about you, Samurai...)

And maybe after that: The Gay Saga - How the Frak Did I Get in This Mess?

Ha, I need a life.... Later Days! [;)]

*ASFA rejected once before... ouch... that hurt for a loooong time... Maybe a week or so. And that's pretty long for me!
**What is is with guys and picking female charcters when they make nightelves? Yeah, I don't get it either...
***She's a rediculously low level. Kind of sad. I orginally wanted her to be a tank, but I don't even know if I want to get her passed level 20 now...
****Not to mention that while we were on WoW, he kept doin' this "Blah blah blah, I'mma whine about how I can't stand you, blah" then log off so I couldn't reply shit. And it's not like he did it once or twice, nooo... This assface did it about twenty times, no joke. The only reason I didn't put him on ignore was because I was re-writing everything he'd said to me to Samurai and we were having a riot about it.

Disney World was MAGICAL

2009-07-15T10:16:00.005-05:00

Special note to a certain someone if she's reading this: YOU LIED TO ME! Disney World has more than just kiddies! It has magic and WONDER! WONDEEEER! But we'll probably be going to Orlando Studios next year, so I'll be sure to compare! [^^]

Hey there, everyone! If anyone still reads my bearly up-dated blog, that is. I just got back from Orlando yesterday and boy, do I have a story for you! I'm half-awake right now, so my spelling might be off a bit and I might skimp on a few details, not to mention that my typing mighty be a LOT unorginized, but that can all be fixed with a little editting. If I'm awake enough. Oh, and by the way, I'm leaving out a lot of information about my mom being a bitch, mainly because it was expected and I don't feel like recalling those particular events. And because I'm far too tired to sit at a computer any longer... Anyway, on with the post!

Well, we left for Orlando like, five hours later than expected on Friday, and got there around five o' clock that afternoon. Our destination: The Hilton Grand Hotel.

It was absolutly amazing. Fountains, and beautiful suites, and an amazing pool! I'd never been to a resort before, so it was all so next and shiney for me!

My parents had waited too long to buy the tickets, so the price of them had gone up by almost $200. Plus, we didn't get to the first park until 3-ish, and I was eager to get to the rest of the park, so I made sure I was the coordination manager! I plotted the POI*, the trails, the length of time we could visit one attraction... I felt in carge [:)]

That is, until they wanted to fuck it up and completely ignore me. But that was okay. I was fine with that.

Okay, I'm half sleep, so I'll make this post as legible (and quick) as possible: Long story short, the first day at the Magic Kingdom we rode some rides, took some pictures, saw some parades, and enjoyed some firework shows.

The Next day , we went to the Animal Kingdom and the same thing insued. Then we visited Downtown Disney and spent the ENTIRE day in the Disney Quest building playing arcade games.

It was indeed a magical day.

Now, I'm gonna go to sleep... I can bearly lift my arms anymore... I has muuuuch to talk about in my next post (if I'm awake in time), so be on the look out for that! If anyone still reads this, that is [xD]

Later Days!

*Points of interest, dear [:3]
**BTW. I'm leaving a note here for things I want to rant about in the next post: Samurai and his trip, how the world bawwwwws for famous people dieing when they're no more important that the man on the street, things I hate about hair, trends, and music, and, last but not least, my friends. I must rant about my friends.

Continuation of the last post-y

2009-07-15T09:02:00.005-05:00

-This starts off where I just left off-*

Yeaaah, I'm not all that religious in the first place, so that wasn't going to happen. Not to mention, I'm constantly told that my, "lifestyle choice" is damming me to hell, so I see no reason to try to affiliate myself with that religion no matter what the positive 'gifts' are. I'll just be normal. Like the rest of the world.

After that thrilling talk, it seemed that the grilling was almost done and the rest of the family started to join us. We all went out to the lawn, wished a happy birthday to my auntie, and toasted to people who hadn't been able to join us that day (my grandparents). Then we pigged out! Cake and baked beans, and cake, and ribs, and cakes, and greens, and cake, and chicken, and cake, and corn, and cake... Did I mention that there was cake?

It was great! Then, after the main festivities were over, we had our own fireworks show! It was grand! I got to throw sparklers, and we shot off cannons and rockets and, best of all, no one got hurt!**

The next day, we all went to church. It was kind of interesting (and best of all--I didn't go to sleep!). After that, we went down my to grandma and grandpa's graves and even our great grandparent's graves and learned a bit about our family history. I would share it with you all, but it's really complicated, and trying to explain it would only confuse me, haha.

After all was said and done, we went back to the house, got everything together, and headed to the beach!

My sister and I didn't have any bathing suits, so our dad and Aunt Cordia went to the nearest beach outlet to get us some.

Guess what? I got bottoms okay, but they didn't have a swimsuit top over a size D, so I had to wear a t-shirt to the beach x3 And I was okay with that!***

Long story short: We all had fun, listened to a Jamaican band play, there was weed EVERYWHERE, lots of kids, crabs, and waves. It was awesome.

Then, we left around ten and went back home. Overall, it was a pretty awesome trip. I was just glad to be home so I could rest.... Unfortunately, rest wouldn't last long... since my parents planned a trip to Disney World the next week, aaaaah! TOO MUCH TRAVEL!

The story on that in the next issue of SHU: SHE'S UNGRATEFUL. See ya next time, folks! :D

*My memory isn't as fresh as it was before (being this a week after the original events took place), so if it seems like I'm skimping on some details, forgive me, I just don't remember them all, haha.
**Though my sister did get hit in the back of the head with said cannon... There were no injuries. She did freak out a lot, though. It was helarious.
***But my bra got wet... do you know how uncomfortable it is driving home for five hours with a wet bra??? Extremely.

I just got back home a few days ago.

2009-07-09T15:26:00.002-05:00

And to be honest, it wasn't all that bad. But I wasn't dead-set on avoiding this trip. I was missing my relatives and I actually wanted to go down there. It was really fun, to be sure. I just wish there were more people my age.

My first sight on arrival was not floods of my family members all waiting to embrace My sister and me, nor was it a welcoming hug from a few people that missed us last time. No. It was a ra'coon. Oh, yeah. A live frakkin' ra'coon. It was adorable, but so anti-climatic...
So, we walk in the house and there's my Uncle... Eatting fresh watermelon. Oh, I shit you not. My country side of my family is THAT stereotypical. And I discovered what the adorable ra'coon was for... She wasn't in a cage so he could keep her as a pet... She was FOOD. Yeah. He was fattening her up!

I made sure to give him a stern talking to, and he promised to keep her. Not eat her. Which, unintentionally, rhymes.

But, I digress. We drove then to a middle school and got everything ready for the dance they were having that night. It was for grades 6th-12th, so we were assumed to be attending. And, dispite my usual attitude towards other people, actually wanted to go. It'd be nice to meet new people from the country. See how they go about things and whatnot. After we got all the ice, the drinks, the snakes and the candy in line (not before taking a bit of our own), we were sent back to the neighborhood. Then we went over to my Aunt Ca's* house and ate food and was merry. It was extremely cold, though, so when the time came to make beds and stuff, I decided to go back to my grandma's house (now owned by my uncle when she passed) and stay there while my sister stayed at Aunt Ca's with the younger children: A 9 year old who looked twelve, a thriteen year old with a bust size nearing mine (crazy), and an 8 year old with a candy addiction. I'm gald I left too.

The next morning [the 4th of July], I ~~was awoken~~ woke up at the ripe hour of eight o' clock. They sent me over to my Aunt Ca's house while they got everything ready for the cookout and grilled. I just sat around and talked to people, one being Tina, a woman with an affinity for the afterlife and claims to beable to "See" the supernatural.

And for a good while, we talked. About how she went to an all-girl's public high school in the north, how she would smoke weed like crazy and get by with only Cs to her name, how she wasn't all that close with her mother until after college, how she found God on a Sunday suddenly, and went somber and everything, broke up with her dead-beat boyfriend, and vowed to be substinant to keep her body pure until she got married. How she sees visions of things that are soon to happen, and how she felt as though she was floating through space, but as soon as she realized it, she was back in her room, lying on here bed in a cold sweat.

She tells me these are the wonders of God, and that if I find him as soon as I can.

Well, I have to go. Mother yelling at me. I'll finish this later.
Later Days.

*it's either CAL or CAB, but I can never tell, because they finish her name without pronoucing the last letter, so I'm left guessing. It's probably Cab, since her name is Cabaleria, but people do weird things. I have another Aunt who's name is Cordia, but they call her Codice. Weird. So I just say "Ca", because that's how it sounds like it's pronouced to me.

I don't get on here as often as I used to...

2009-07-01T10:32:00.002-05:00

It's really tragic. Everytime I get on here, I get ready to post, and I just don't feel like it. Even now, I don't feel like posting anything. Because I just don't feel like sharing my emotions anymore, or something. Even now, I'm kinda forcing myself to type this all out. I don't know what it is. I'll get back on the ball, though, I mean it! It might not be a regular everyday thing, but I really need to talk about somethings and get over this weird sudden fear I have with telling personal things about my life. I never had that fear before. So why now?

Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T08:53:00.005-05:00

So you're all probably wondering why I made a whole post about this, like most people are expected to do. Well, I actually CARE about this guy, because he was kickass. Hell, STILL is kickass. And his music made me giddy. Carry on.

Well, it seems like it happened... The death of the King of Pop, man.

Dude, really though, wtf? I grew up with this guy, man! I mean, he's one of those guys that should never die! He didn't even have to be doing anything to be amazing! He was just THERE, and he was amazing. He's one of those people that I couldn't see America--hell, the world--without. Like Will Smith. Or someone else who revolved around my childhood. And he's fuckin' amazing STILL! I mean, was... Man, I remember watching his movies when I was younger with my dad. And my cousin has been a huge fan since birth, so we would always listen to his records (CDs, w/e) when we went over to his house. And he did the most amazing MJ impersonation!* And just a while ago, we were all at my cousin's house dancing to his music**. Man, my mom grew up with this guy. She was devestated when she heard. Dude, she was crying. I mean, I like the guy as much as anyone, but I didn't personally know the guy enough to cry over his death.

But, man, it's effected all of us differently, I guess. Some people cry, some people go on with their lives, some people make expected blog posts about it... I had been waiting for his Comeback tour, too. Dude, everyone had! In less than a MONTH, he was gonna start his Comeback tour! London's site was completely SOLD OUT like, two months before the show was planned! My mom was actually gonna drive us up to Wherever we had to go to see it. I would've been able to see him in concert, maaaaan! Gebus.

This is a conspiracy...*** They planned this out. Someone killing off all the awesome people. Either from jealousy, or something else... Did they want the money? You know he had enough money to buy a small country, right?... Okay, let's be rational here... He was getting ready for the show; that's lots of training and stressing and he WAS in his fifties. Even though he wasn't old, he didn't have the vatality he used to. He probably over worked himself.

Ah, but really, it doesn't matter how. He's gone. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, the most awesome person ever, and the funniest on T.V. parodies**** is now dead. R.I.P man, 1958-2009.

*But he couldn't sing... Awww... lol
**Lol we were playing guitar hero, Beat it comes on, and it opens up a slew of songs from the internet and asains who are very good dancers lol
***Just like the "Michael Rapes Little Boys!" Fiasco. People suck. Especially people in America. Because they LOVE Drama Llamas. I know for sure he didn't do it. Dude, he had enough money to just BUY a little boy to rape. Seriously. STFU.
****I mean, we've all laughed at parodies of him. I recently (as in, like, a year ago, haha) laughed at the Code Monkies episode with him on it. I love how they potrayed him, too. I mean, not the violence done to him, but the way his personality is, haha. It's awesome... ANYWAY, yeah, just wanted to throw that down here... lol

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T20:37:00.002-05:00

As above, Happy Father's Day! I hope everyone and their fathers had nice bonding time*!

My Father's day was fantastic! Even though I have some beef with my parents over the past few months, it was nice to go out with dad and just have a cool day. In the morning, we gave him his gift: A card and some sweets, haha. And then he ALONE [:(] went to church**. When he came back, we all got ready and went to the mall***~

What'd we do at the mall? We sat, and we walked, and we bought cookies! Tons and tons of cookies! And they were delicious! Chocolate chip, white chocolate with macadamia nut... Mmm... That's good eattin'... And the 90 degree weather helped keep the cookies warm! [:D] After a good thirty minutes of just of nibbling and talking, we decided to go to the Barnes and Nobles down the way and read a few books (not buy; we'd already bought books a few days before). found this amazing comic book (or Graphic Novel, as some elitist are calling them) and I would've bought it if it wasn't close to thirty dollars. It was pretty big too. I can't quite remember what it was called, but, yeah, when I do, I'mma make a "Wishlist" post and that's gonna be number one.

After we left, we wandered over to the movies. It was between Star Trek and Land of the Lost. I, knowing that Dad was a Trekkie in his youth, chose Star Trek, but my sister, being a selfish ninny, chose Land of the Lost. Dad decided with Land of the Lost, since it was decent for all of use to see.

Omg, it was so funny. And it was made in that "old-timey" way, and I was lawling the entire time. Ah, comedies today are getting funnier and funnier... After that, I assumed we were gonna go see Star Trek, but he said that was enough for one day. So then we went out and ate pizza and wandered on home.

Overall, it was a really cool day. Next weekend, we're going canoing! How cool is that? Ha, but yes, I hope everyone's Father'd Day was just as good and have many more! Later Days!

*If you don't have a father, I hope you can remember the good times you all had together. If you don't like your father, then I hope you can forgive him for whatever he's done. If he deserves it, then just be glad that you'll be a better parent than he was. If you wish you had a father, then see above.
**Mainly because SOMEPEOPLE -couchMEcough- overslept to the point of uncomprehension and wasn't fit to go to church. I felt kinda bad. He should've gone to church with his duaghters... but ah, well.
***it's a strip mall on a SUMMIT!... I know, right? Spiffy.

Sigh...

2009-06-19T18:23:00.003-05:00

Well, I thought going to blogger would help these stupid emotions get out, but it's not. I don't even feel like typing anything out. I'm playing as loud as I can, and I still don't feel better. I can't even draw right now. I'm running out of alternatives to get all this ARGH out of my head. That's what I call it. ARGH. Because when I think of it, I think ARGH, and I feel like ripping someone's head off. Or slamming my head against something hard multiple times to stop thinking about it. I don't know. I don't feel like scars right now, so I guess this is all I have. For the most part. I'll, ugh, I don't know.

Okay, let me go. I need to stop whining so much.

Apprently, Obama is the AntiChrist.

2009-06-18T12:46:00.004-05:00

So, I'm arguing with my friend, right? About how being gay isn't a choice and how God doesn't "show his wrath" on Gay people because it's wrong or anything thing. So, yeah, I'm surfing the web and I happen to come across this.

beastobama.com

...I'm not kidding. It "shows proof" of how Obama is the Anti-Christ and how God hates America; not to mention that The United States is Fag Nation.

What is the matter with people today? Have they all gone crazy? According to the "Beast Obama" website, "Any fair study of the scriptures coupled with the study of the signs of the times will convince almost anybody with a modicum of intelligence that the end of the world is drawing nigh. This is amazing stuff going on here, right before our eyes, unprecedented in the history of the world - and it fits the pattern set out in Revelation 13, when there’s a great beast supposed to rise out of the worldwide sea of troubled humanity. He’s arisen out of that filthy sea of restless humanity and captured the imagination of the nation and the world. Barack Obama is the Antichrist, and is leading doomed america to her final destruction and the destruction of the world! We're not talking some vague, nebulus postulation, we're talking plain, straight BIble talk backed up by an overwhelming amount of real evidence - on the ground! Watch this fascinating, three-part documentary and check out the rest of the site for Bible perspective on the rise of Antichrist in the last hours of these last, dark days."

This is also proof of how Obama is the Anti-Christ! "Bloody Beast Antichrist Obama is showing his true colors; he’s a Muslim; he hates Christ; he hates the Jews. It’s embedded in pockets all over the news – and the cruel craven people of Israel know it! The Beast has been posturing since his inauguration to force the Jews to do what he wants as it pertains to the Muslims. The Beast lied to this nation pretending he was a Christian; this stupid deluded country bought his lies, because God has given them a strong delusion that they would believe The Lie! (2 Th 2:11.)"

This is also why I'm beginning to hate all organized religion of any kind. I mean, really now? Do you actually "study" this bullshit? And it's not like they're the only ones who believe it, oh no. They have to corrupt everyone else who might not even think the same way so they can have "followers" and make their cause seem right. They even have a whole list of people who are "poster children for sin":

Anyone with a mouth, pen, microphone, soapbox, etc. that loveth and maketh a lie! Including but not limited to Tyra Banks, Oprah Winfrey and Bill Gates.
President Barack Hussein Obama – Obama is the Anti-Christ! Be sure and visit http://www.beastobama.com/ to get the most up-to-date and topical information regarding this lying, murderous antichrist!
President George W. Bush – The Lord used this dolt to kick start a war that this evil nation will never win. This dimwitted brute placed it upon himself to persecute the saints of the Most High God by trying to pass laws to shut us up. Big mistake buddy, you’re dealing with the wrong God! Not one of His words will EVER fall to the ground; you would have had more luck trying to pass a law to outlaw the fires in hell.
Arnold Schwarzenegger – Admitting that fag sex took place in the Mr. Universe contest and not one time stopping to think that maybe he should GET AWAY from that cesspool, he then spent his days servicing to his lusts so he could obtain fame…probably not the best plan Mr. I’ll Be Back! Wake up dummy, God sends the fires that sweep across that evil state that you govern. It is by the hand of God that destruction and doom is all around you.
Other members of the corrupt-from-stem-to-stern US government: Harvey Milk, Al Gore, JFK, Tammy Baldwin, Barney Frank, Joe Biden, John McCain, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Dick Cheney, John Edwards, John Kerry, Howard Dean, Fred Thompson, Blagojevich, Jim McGreevey, Mark Foley, Stu Rasmussen, Nancy Pelosi, Michael Guest, not to mention the whole of the Supreme Court & all of the House & Senate
Matthew Shepard – He is the fags’ poster boy! You can’t forget though that his murder was driven by drugs NOT by him being a fag. Get over it already, Matthew Shepard is a drug head and you know that is why he was killed. So here’s an idea, STOP LYING!
Moises Kaufman – He created the Laramie Project which is one of the largest fag propaganda plays out there. It doesn’t matter how many productions you put on of this filthy play, Matthew Shepard is still burning in hell with eternity left to go! Can you say crispy?!?
Michael Jackson – Stay AWAY from the little boys. It is not okay to mess with little boys, no matter what the priests tell you! Speaking of priests; be sure to visit http://www.priestsrapeboys.com/ !
MULTITUDES of other people in the music industry: Cher, Madonna, Britney Spears, Billy Joel, Cyndi Lauper, will.i.am, (and the list goes on and on…).
Tom Cruise – This man was given a platform by his God and what does he do with it? He promotes scientology…huh? That’s right, scientology. Like a raging lunatic off his meds.
Jake Gyllenhaal – Two words, Brokeback Mountain. The Lord has already cut off Heath Ledger in his youth for this satanic piece of work, stop pissing off God. SHAME ON YOU for lying to this generation, telling them that it’s okay to be gay, you know that’s a lie so just stop it already!
MULTITUDES of other people in the film industry: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Elizabeth Taylor, Mel Gibson, Richard Gere, Steven Spielberg, Sean Penn, Judy Garland, Walt Disney & co., Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, Samuel L. Jackson, Jennifer Anniston, George Clooney, Ben Affleck, Rock Hudson (and the list goes on…)
Media Big Mouths: Hannity, Bimbo Banderas, Joe Scarborough, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly’s whirling dervish zone (and the list goes on…)
Billy Graham – He says that hell is a state of mind. All of you fools that would rather have someone tell you what to think instead of reading the words for yourself are in big trouble. Read the words, dummies: Mark 9:44 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Billy Graham is a false prophet! Be sure to check out http://www.signmovies.net/videos/signmovies/index.html
Jerry Falwell – He entered hell on May 15, 2007 and has eternity left to go. No special rights for fags, dude! He opened up his pie hole at that interview with Tucker Carlson on MSNBC and said that fags should have civil rights, just because their fags. Falwell sealed his fate that day and right now all he wants is a drop of water to cool his tongue and for every creature on this earth to listen to the WBC!
Ted Haggard – Former president of the National Evangelical Association; founder and former pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, CO. This fine upstanding citizen of the united states withdrew from the church after admitting to soliciting a man for fag sex, oh and don’t forget methamphetamine. That is so icky and you all were doped!
MULTITUDES OF FALSE PREACHERS: Tammy Faye (Baker) Messner, Martin Luther King Jr., Coretta Scott King, Joel Osteen, Jim Baker, Oral Roberts, Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggert, John Hagee, James Dobson, Jesse Jackson, Fritz Mutti, EVERY PEDOPHILE CATHOLIC PRIEST (www.priestrapeboys.com)
Writers, etc. who assisted in removing God from the landscape, substituting the plainly written standards of God with worship of self & articulating this zeitgeist’s stream of consciousness: Langston Hughes, Maya Angelou, Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, Emerson, Thoreau.
Richard Dawkins - Psalm 14:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.” ’Nuff said!

It's not joke. People actually believe this crap. To be honest, I thought it was a parody. But these people are serious. Posters, signs, petitions, apperal... It's like some kind of creepy new age cult.

And this is how they take responsibility for all of this:

"'Judge not lest ye be judged'
Let’s start off by correctly quoting this verse, Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Humans make judgments everyday, so what does this verse mean? Well, we will gladly tell you. It means you don’t judge according to what your evil black heart is telling you. It means you judge according to God’s standard. You judge between right and wrong, you take forth the precious from the vile you DISCERN between good and evil. Here’s a verse that brings this whole concept into light.
John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. "

They also have other words of wisdom, such as: "'Love the sinner, hate the sin'
This is found NOWHERE in the Bible. The man who coined that phrase is none other than that Hindu bimbo Ghandi.
Just as you can not separate the crime from the criminal, you CAN NOT separate the sin from the sinner. "
And let's not forget!
"'God loves everyone'
This is found nowhere in the Bible. As a matter of fact here are just a few samples of the complete opposite of that saying:
Romans 9:13 As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.
Psalm 5:5-6 The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.
Zechariah 11:8 Three shepherds also I cut off in one month; and my soul lothed them, and their soul also abhorred me. "

Poeple like this shouldn't be allowed on the internet.

Warped Tour 2009...

2009-06-16T12:10:00.003-05:00

...needs to come to Alabama! That's it! I'm serious this time! I'm writing a letter to Vans or WHOEVER is the head of "it's gonna be here"-touring schedual and telling them that THE SOUTH NEEDS LOVE TOO! I mean, some of us don't want to take a three and a half hour drive all the way to Atlanta, then pay for all that gas, tickets, swag... it's just too much! Here's a thought: Do like Paramore and MCR did and JUST COME HERE! I don't want to have to go to a fuckin' Crawfish Boil or a dead Furnace to see a band! California doesn't even need an event to get people to swarm there! They can have a random woman's ice cream eatting annaversiry and they'd throw a concert there for thirty days and thirty nights! I mean, look at the touring scheduel! Cali has, like, twenty gigs! While the only gigs in the South are in Atlanta and Florida, which isn't really even considered the south... I'm just a little irritated is all! I WANNA GO TO A BAND! I've only been to one (thank you, Paramore...), and it was awesome! Now, I want to crank it up a notch! I'm GOING to that concert. I'm GOING, I swear it!

...Okay, maybe I shouldn't swear it, but I'mma try my damn hardest! Even if it takes me getting a job for a week or two, I'm doing it!

Now to convince my parents...

Back in the fire again..

2009-06-16T11:42:00.004-05:00

Well, I'm back home. Yesterday, I had an emotional breakdown (several times, actually), and I went to color guard practice and embarressed myself. Then I almost crashed the car on the interstate. I'm having horrible depression bouts and the voices started up again with avengence.

FML.

Bible camp was... great...

2009-06-11T01:31:00.006-05:00

So I've been spending the last four days at Bible Camp, that I wasn't even asked if I wanted to attend. Whatever. It wasn't that bad to be honest. [:)]

We stayed in a hotel (that I was first disgusted with, but learned to live with) as opposed to the dorms (which were apparently absolutly HORRIBLE!). We settled in, got our stuff out, and went to the church.

As a whole, it was pretty cool. I feel asleep more than my fair share of times (and got in trouble for it even more..), and I probably should've paid more attention during most of the sermons (I mean, guys, it's a CME church... it's hella old fasioned compared to my last church, in which we [the youth groups] were terribly involved).

I was fine unless they spouted that, "GOD HATES GAYS!" Bullshit, and, surprisingly, they didn't! [O_O] WHOA! I know, right? I was doubting it, too. And even if they did say something, it was so tiny, I didn't notice. I was prepared to argue my ass off, too. Ah well. I got my chance [>:3]

In one of our classes (we only had two because they were SO unorganized this year...) our teacher said something along the lines of, "You can't give people advice because you're not Jesus, and you don't know what to do." Now, I greatly disagree with this and apparently, some other student did as well. He tried to start a debate about the topic, so I decided to help him.

When they [the classmates] heard my voice, I swear they went all wide-eyed. I hadn't really talked at all when I was there, and I dressed pretty, er, punk-ish (according to other people), so I guess they expected me to sound all "Deep voice, kill God! Deep voice!" And they heard me, and they were all like, "ZOMG! SHE SOUNDS LYK A GURL!"

Here's the simplified version of my and this teacher's conversation:

"Um, I disagree..."
-"Oh, so you think you can give someone advice based on what they tell you?"
"Er, yeah. I don't have to be Jesus to give advice. I'm sure you've given advice sometime in your life, and felt good about it. So, do you only feel that way because you're so much older than me, or because you majored in theology (that COULD be taken as a mythology...)? Or are you saying that I'm too young (and stupid) to know enough to give advice?"
-"I'm just saying that Jesus knows the whole story. We all cover up things when we tell stories; maybe make it look like we're a little bit more innocent than the other person. If your friend tells you half the story, your advice will be inaccurate."
"Yes, but if they're truely your friend, they they trust your judgement and, although reluctantly, they'll tell the entire story, because they want accurate advice. Otherwise, there would be no reason to ask for it other than to make yourself feel better about lying about a situation. Plus, if you're paranoid like me, you go ask the second person about their take on the situation and compare notes."
-"But you never really know, do you? See, Jesus knows everything. That's why you just tell them to ask Jesus for the answer."
"Er, dude, seriously. People go to people becuase they want answers NOW. They don't want to see a goat eatting a llama in their dreams and have to decipher it. Or just that vague feeling. I understand that with more serious things, but really, asking if you should dump your boyfriend of two months or what classes to take I think are pretty safe in mortal hands. We may not be all that old yet, and we may not have enough experiences under our belt to stop a world war, but at least we can help with problems we empathize with. That's empathize, not sympathize, which would be the recognition of someone's feelings due to EXPERIANCE. Yes, some advice is best left unspoken, but you can't just tell us that since we're not an immortal (that may or MAY NOT be real), we can't help people out with reassurance. And what if they're atheist? Let them suffer and hope they see God in their problems? That's definately the Christain way..."

Needless to say, he didn't have much to say to me except what had already transpired. I was proud. Me and the other kid who was disproved both high-fived and we got a new teacher for it (who was AWESOME!) Plus, he was from Alabama (and I totally had a Southern Sense when he walked in) and that made me happy a little.

That, a dance party, and buch of pizza stuffed in my purse, Lorna Doone shortbread cookies and a BUNCH of phone conversations with Samurai* was the highlight of my trip. It was really cool.

Everyone there ended up with someone, though. My girlcousin found some smart, athletic guy with an eye for art and a skill at poetry and contintues to talk to him even though she has an asian boyfriend (who's pretty cool btdubs). My guycousin met this chick who had an emotional breakdown and now they're going out. And my boycousin thinks he's in love with a girl he's bearly met and only really knew for two days. It's kinda funny...
But, cha, they're so lucky, haha.

As you see, everyone met a spiffy person but yours truely. I didn't really meet a girl, but I talked to her a bit. OMFG, she was beeeeeautiful! She was latina, she was punk, and she was HAWT! And omfg, when I saw her, I almost died a little. I mean... Whoa, when I say hawt, I mean pretty fucking gorgeous. The only thing that really kept me from approching her were these really tall, really gangsta lookin' mexican guys with her... She's a tiny (not really tiny.. she had an AMAZING figure) little latina with all they GRR-guys with her... yeah, not all that inviting. But I built up enough courage to say hello, and she smiled back and gave me this look that made my heart stop. Her little buddies walked off (as did mine--since I came to the mall with my aunt, girlcousin, and the sister), and I talked to her a bit. You know, asked her where she's from, all that jazz. OMG her voice was amazing too. It took all I could from just blurting out, "OMFG You're so fuckin' hawt! SEX ME NAO!" or something. But then she said she had to go and walked off. Man, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her... I felt kinda creepy just staring at her walking away, but at the time, all I really cared about was getting her image engraved in my mind...

Is that weird?

Well, I'mma go... There's food... Later Days! :D

*the third day, I stayed up on the phone with him ALL NIGHT! It was six o' clock when we finally stopped talking and by then it was time to get dressed and ready.

Entertaining the life I don't have.

2009-06-02T11:16:00.007-05:00

I realize how empty my boring life is without WoW. I yearn to grind for hours on a single mob, just to realize my XP bar has only gone up by 1/6th. It's at times like these, we think of all the times we've taken WoW for granted....

It's also at times like thes that I think of the less fortunate. The people who don't have an MMOo to entertaine them selves with AT ALL! So that is why I've decided to create a second rate guide to help you on your way to being a seasoned MMO player like the rest of us!

"But wait, All-knowing Shu! What if I don't have WoW?! What then???" Never fear, young simpleton! In the case that you don't own a WoW account and don't have the money (or the patience) to DL it your self, I've got a few great free games you can use to entertain yourself anytime!

::

zOMG is an MMO created by the guys at Gaiaonline. Though I personally am not very fond of the site, I'll admit the MMO isn't all that bad for their first attempt. Clear objectives, smooth (for the most part) gameplay, and the mechanics are constantly being reminded to you (for the memorizing-impared) so you're never stuck not knowing how to do something. It does require registration, though, but that takes but a few mintues if it matters. A good MMO to pick up if you'd rather not DL anything or use too much RAM.

Perfect World is a Korean 3-D MMORPG for the rest of us. Amazing graphics, great gameplay, and best of all... it's FREE! You heard me! When's the last time you've seen a free MMO with graphics this bangin'? I didn't think so. If you don't mind the long DL time and the space it takes up, then it's definately a must have ;)

FlyFF is a 3-D MMO that you'll definately have fun playing. It's a little slow starting off, but it gets better later on and soon you won't want to quit. Great gamplay and there are so many things to do, it's hard to get bored. Oh, and did I mention it's free?

And one of my personal favorites: Trickster Online! With it's cutsey 2-D graphics and amazing gameplay, you'll be playing for HOURS, trust me. Pluse, for those perfectonists like me, you can do a quest five times, and on the fifth time, you get a special item for your efforts; it's nice to know I'm getting rewarded for an obsessive-compulsion! Plus, all the chracters (even the monsters) are beautifully designed so even if the gameplay doesn't satisfy you, the art style will :)

Man, just look at it! it's gorgeous!

THEY'RE SO! DARN! CUTE!

Well, those are all I can do right now. I'll talk about somemore MMOs to pass the day some other time. Til then, "throw it into God mod and keep kicking butt!"

10 of Shu's most said phrases!

2009-06-01T01:03:00.006-05:00

Okay, it's two in the morning and I can't go to sleep... Plus, I just ate some ice-cream cake, so I'll be up for a while. What better way to waste time than to write about things I do too much? Yeah, I took the time to write this all out... Don't judge me...

10. WTF--Who doesn't say this on a regular basis??

9. ...--Elipses are my specialty [:)] They make me feel deep... haven't you noticed that all deep people have to pause before they say something brilliant? Yeah, man, they're so deep, it takes them a moment toreach the top of their conciousness, man. That's me [;3]

8. God--I might not be as close to the guy (or girl) as I should be, but his ( or her) name is nice to use in a bout of frustration or extreme jubilation*.

7. Chick--Because some where between emotionally turning into a guy, then into a girl, then back into a guy, I seemed to have forgotten the proper word for a female homosaphien*.

6. Man--because, even though I think more females read my blog than males, we all need an introductory word, right?

5. Sigh--Here's a secret: on the inside, I'm a scared little emo kid... The sighs are the pieces of my little emo soul trying to escape.

4. UGH--just a normal expression of exsapperation* with the situation.

3. Well--A nice introductory word I use whenever I start a new post/paragraph/scentence/whatever. It's multi-functional [:)]

2. Anywhoo--I don't know why either... It's a mighty nice transition word, though.

1. Dude--Because who doesn't say dude at least once a day??

...Okay. Well, dude, I'm done here. WTF, it's two thirty already??? Man, that's probably why I'm so tired... God, I need to get some sleep... And to get out of this room... My cousin's snoring... am I the only chick that finds that unbearable???
Anywhoo, yeah, I'm on my way to sleep... Sigh... Know what I just thougth of?... Normally, I'd be playing WoW around this time... *sniff*

*Which may or may not be spelled correctly...